Please don’t tell him.
Only if I truly loved myself could I feel loved by him without faking my love.
I don't love him. I don't love him. I don't love him.
Until now, I haven't said this out loud,
because I want him to love me, because I am selfish.
If only the feeling of being loved wasn't so satisfying,
if only it didn't make me feel superior,
I would love him too.
But I don't.
I wish I could, but I don't.
I don't wish on telling you this.
I don't want you to stop.
Four minutes in and I knew I made a colossal mistake.
He is lying next to me like always except this time I can't hear his breaths.
We did it tonight like we always do except today I won and not him.
I'm not hurt, I'm not bleeding, I'm not crying, it's him, it's him tonight not me.
I feel terrified yet powerful in this moment, he deserved it..he deserved it, right?