Its not the monster under my bed.

Its not the squeaky mouse eating

my bread.

Its not the wind whistling

'round my door,

or the way the wood creeks in my floor.

I just wish i could forget,

all the sweet times you made

me regret.

The valuble heirlooms you stole

for drugs.

I let you stay, yet, you were thugs.

Its not the pale moon through

my widow pane.

Its not the coyote howling in pain.

Its the loss of ones sweet little boy,

the memories that haunt

and keep me up at night.

They chose others over me,

I let them.

I made sacrifices for them.

They forgot who I am,

They are fine never seeing me or coming to my home.

They are ok with always putting themselves first.

I let them.

I always put them first.

They followed the crowd and

I let them.

They judged, misunderstood, and now live without me and

I let them.

I chased them when they were small, I guided them in early years,

but as adults they made thier choices. They know who and where I am. When it comes down to it,

they dont deserve me.

So yes,

I will just let them.

I guess loathing humanity is in my nature. It just comes with the territory.

Look I'm just biding my time in this prison called "life" untill the celestials deem me fit to go home.

This world is no life, this is Hell! This isnt living its just an existence to experience to understand humillity and benevolence. I never wanted or asked for this! Im sure this lesson has been lost on me for my heart has hardened on this whole experiment. No one is worth it. I learned to loath humans very early here when I was tortured as a child. Then I was told I had to forgive. Really?

Then it kept happening. By different but yet the same kind of humans. Again, I was told to forgive. Yet where was my justice?

Where is the justice for ones like me who are biding our time, just existing until we can leave this existence?

This world is a prison and I am an inmate.

Oh its the little things I plan to change.

For better or worse, better I hope.

I truly do want to get more excorcise, 5000 steps a day is the goal they say.

Ive managed to loose 120 lbs since 2023, I still but my goal isnt there yet so I'm working towards that.

I love paranormal stuff and investigation, but not this phony stuff going around.

Also I enjoy thriller movies, but hate gore. I really enjoyed the Pennydreadful sieries and the American Horror Storries so I intend to find more exciting stories.

Its just those little things you gotta enjoy, like you know,

Death.

It hurts.

Heartbreak.

Heartache.

Soul ache.

Endless torture.

Mindless debaucher.

Senseless agony.

Hurtfull masogany.

To whom do we owe this

illustrious end?

Well, it is the ever omnipresence

of the almighty compassionate one...

LOVE.

Yet, love never tells anyone how she comes at a

COST...

YOUR SOUL

YOUR HEART

YOURCONSCIENCE..

I live in the southern United States.

I grew up thinking that as an american, I had the constitutional right, to express my opinions as long as I am not intentionaly trying to hurt anothers feelings.

However, I am finding this not to be true. The truth is that you only can have free speech as long as you agree with the social media and thier agenda. If what I have to say goes against what they decide is correct and morally right, I get told Im uneducated, that Im stupid, and name calling!

So where is my freedom of speech? Why is everything racist or hatespeech if you disagree with someone on like say abortion?

Even if you give your own account just to prove you also have been there, you get called a liar.

Just this last week I have been told how nasty I am simply for disagreeing and presenting an aposing opinion.

I was told I have no compassion for other people, when that couldn't be further from the truth!

I just have a real hard time understanding why, if we disagree, is it a big deal?

Im not trying to indoctrinate anyone by expressing my thought on a post. (It was an AITAH post on Reddit)

I wasn't snotty, but just factual, but I sure caught heck.

Anyway, just be prepared that you really arent free to express yourself if you disagree with anyone because that instantly makes you whatever nasty hateful thing they want to call you.

I want to move to some land all my own. I'd have my dogs of course. Mostlty woods, a large meadow and springfed pond.

I would have a small cabin in the edge of the tree line, built like a dug out for hot sumers and then a part up in the trees to get away from predators if need to.

I would have a small chicken coop, a few goats, a couple cows, and at least one mule for working. I would have a well with a windmill and another windmill for electricity plus a solar station for extra.

I would have a small garden, grow enough for me and the animals and grow hay for the winter.

Everything is self sustainable.

This is my paradise.

What I would give to get away from society and live off grid.

Im calling you out!

This part of the medical comunity are supposed to be experts on womens reproductive health issues, yet, so far all I can tell they seem to care about is how many of the unborn they can murder.

I havent seen any useful afterbirth care except triage type, hell anybody can do that.

Some of these Doctors make young mothers push for hours so much they can damage the baby and themselves before deciding to go by C- section which would help both child and mother.

After all that pushing, the baby is born, does the mother get hemroid surgery right after? No. Shes lucky to get sterile pads for the bleeding.

Doctors don't advocate for compression "girdles" after having a baby, when the mother goes back for her six week check up, the doctor doesnt express concern over the hemoroids and that she needs surgery to get rid of them because they will just get worse.

No. These are things you as a patient have to do for yourself.

So the only part of OBGYN healthcare that I can see is in emergency situations, or abortion clinics.

Medical "care" is not what you percieve it to be.

I am humble enough to admit that I wasn't a great mother. I had all four sons before turning twentyone years old. No they didnt have different daddies, no I wasnt promiscuous, yes I had a good wholesome upbringing. One flaw, no father in my life to guide me in the ways of boys and men.

You know, I sacrificed so much for them, I loved them, and yes did I make mistakes, of course. After all there wasn't an instruction booklet.

My first son was a product of a date rape, understand here that I have never blamed my son, it was never his fault. He was sweet, and a beautitful boy and wonderful.

The younger three were from my ex, who also had a daughter a year older than my oldest son. She was two years old, her dad had custody, and I fell in love with her. I was in love with her dad, my ex, but he wasnt in love with me as I thought.

After spending four years together, my ex took the son he wanted to keep and left me pregnant with two little boys. His daughter went to visit his exwife, the two of them used her as a pawn in getting back at each other through the years. I did what I could to make her feel loved as much as my own, but later in her life it wasnt good enough, and it was all for naught.

I was encouraging throughout all of thier lives, when two sons came out as gay, I still loved them, supported them and never once told them they could not be what they wanted to be. I did tell them they had to wait untill they were adults before they made major life changing decisions....

Fastforward to the present.

The daughter I helped when she got pregnant out of wedlock at twenty, my husband I married when the kids were still little, we took her in and gave her a home and helped her with our grandbaby.

The boys were still in highschool, we all helped out.

Then, she got a house, a boyfriend and instead of celebrating getting married with the ones who supported her, she just got married.

I wanted to help pick out her dress or at least go to try outs.

I was completely cut out.

My oldest son as much as I exspressed my love and care for him, he was always in trouble, mixed up in drugs and with the wrong people. He married an addict and they have three children, I never get to see because I refuse to support thier drug habit, and they told his kids that I am dead. So I am dead.

My second son, the one my ex took with him when he left me, well it took me a month but I got him back. I was seven months pregnant with my youngest son.

So my second son was smart, a good baby, a good kid, everybody liked him and you could just tell he was going to be gay but I didnt care, I loved him no matter what.

I supported him, let him bring friends over, and yet, he still picked everyone elses moms over me because they had more money. They lived in fancier homes or nicer cars ect.

Fast forward to now:

Now he is married, we supported him because we wanted him to be happy, his in-laws live with him and his spouse AND he took thier family name.

So I handled that.

Then he talks down to me, and acts embarrassed that I am his mom. I noticed that on his social media all his pics are of his new family, the ones of me are from years ago.

Yes our political views are oposite, does that mean I dont love him of course not! It does for him though.

My third son has always been a middle child. Hes very good, easy going, and an introvert. Always has been. Kind and gentle he has a good head on his shoulders. We had a tiny bit of trouble when he was a teen, but he was just afraid of coming out. All is well now. He lives with his partner.

My youngest is on the spectrum but high functioning and keeps a job. When he was four months old he contracted spinal meningitis and it settled on his brain, as a result we spent two months in childrens hospital and in the end he had to have brain surgery. I was devastated. The doctors didnt know how well he would develop after, walking, talking ect. As it turned out he didnt talk until he was almost five. My older children said I favored him the most.

Maybe, but they never came so close to losing a child to death like I did, they never had to realize how precious that sweet child so sick with fever really is after everything you go through. You see in the end you love all your children no matter what. Period.

My youngest is married now, again, I was excluded from any of the planning or helping. I would have liked to be included but why start now?

My two youngest sons do keep in touch with me. The others have taken on the attitude that I should chase them around, call them all the time and bend over backwards so they will stay in touch. They want to hold the grand kids over my head.

So I give up. I cant do it. I cant be that kind of person so I'll just be dead. I never was disrespectful to my folks, and I took my children to see them every weekend.

So I'm disapointed that mine cant even wish me happy birthday, happy mothersday, happy thanksgiving, or happy holidays! Not one word or picture.

Yet I send them all those greetings.

Maybe I did everything wrong.

Maybe should have done what society today thinks is best by just taking the easy way out and murdering them before they were born.

All I know is that this generation is so

Dissapointing.

2016 movie,

Watched November 19, 2024

This is the first I heard of the movie or the book, so if anyone reading this feels this is a bit late, I understand.

I love a good thrill movie, hate gore, but love haunting, spooky that kind. Especially if it has a twist, you know, the kind of unexpected ending.

This movie pleasantly suprised, while I wasnt sure if I really wanted to watch it at first, as the movie went on I was pulled in to the story.

I dont want to give away anything just in case, so just know that its a low key spook show.

G rated as far as I would say.

Over all good movie, like a Saturday Matineé kind of movie.

Anyway

va profiter!