To know you

Get to that place

Where no one else can go.

To visit you there

Hold your feelings

Side by side

Fight for our lives.

Be a little less

Empty inside.

Can't cure our broken bits

Will still come up short

As we tally our hits

Wronged by the miss.

But in an instant

Hope finds an instance

Meet your eyes

No words

As our Souls reflect.

My wish

That solid Truth

You have me

And I have you.

Around us

The Universe swarms

Vast is the darkness

Cold and unknown.

But never again

Will we be unfound

And alone.

My heart performs a tune so few may hear,

A quiet violin whispering passionately in the ear.

The trees sing along but even they are distant,

Myself, alone, the only thing that’s consistent.

The piano keys quicken, giving way to the night,

As the stars lay dying, falling from light,

and darkness beckons me forward in fright.

The harp strikes harshly showing all that’s infected,

Harmonizing a tune of what’s self-neglected,

Myself, the cause for what self-abandoning affected.

As the silence falls, encapsulating my soul,

I collapse under the weight of my own black hole.

I try to see the shadows that make me whole,

But with each thump of the bass, my demons rush forward.

Left all alone, panicked, and cornered,

Myself, exposing how I feel tortured.

Deeper I dig into an eternal abyss,

Listening for the lessons of all that‘s amiss.

The symphony mellows, the thundering dismissed.

Myself, the conductor, of all I remiss.

With each epiphany that I unearth,

Alone is the place I learn my worth,

Accept myself, and with it rebirth.

Who are you waiting for?

O my heart, and why?

Silence is forever,

Loneliness is nigh.

Nobody cares for you...

Or for me

Then why do we cry?

Why do you dream of nights past?

Why do I make the memories last?

Be it a bed of roses...

Or of thorns

Our fate is to yield and sleep.

Let go of ties that bind us

And leave the liaisons behind us.

Your happiness, my heart,

Has always been

A cause for me to weep.

Who can you call your own truly?

To Who can I relate dearly?

There's no one to share this agony.

So, who are you waiting for?

O my heart, and why?

Silence is forever

Loneliness is nigh.

There was no breast from which to suckle

There was no hand to pat my back

There was no counting during hide-and-seek

Of playdates and parties I did not speak

There was no aisle to walk down

No hand for me to hold

At breakfast and at super

My heart grew hard and cold

In daylight and in darkness

My own breath sounds filled my ears

At twilight and at sunset

At the solitude I cursed

And when the end of life drew near

Reflection my only goal

I looked in the rearview mirror

Dark and Empty met my eyes

Relationships I had not known

I had wasted all my time

When at the pearly gates I stood

I knocked but no one answered

The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost

Were nowhere to be found

Through eternity I would venture

Unescorted in the clouds

my deepest happiness

and ice pangs of dread

come when I solitary

cuts both ways sharp

deft skilled incising

my split slit spirit

comfort found best

in my own company

yet

that very enjoyment

for too many decades

having pushed away

strong arms needed

to pull haul wrench

me from my own pit

Why do I feel most alone

In the company of other people?

In a crowded room

Or bustling hall

Or on the couch with my lover

Now that no-one is around

It's different, it is merely the absence of people

Their noise and their smells

Their clothes and words

Their warmth and their coldness

But with them I feel

the void yawn before me

Inky, cold darkness

Filled with spiky things

And jagged feelings

I feel how I am different

Like my brain is strangely wired

Like all the words are beating at the door

Growling to be set forth

To do their wicked work

People make me unquiet

And yet I crave them

The mess, the warmth

The conversation, the drama

The many different smells

I crave them and yet

The sweetest moment is when

I leave, or they do

And serenity returns

To my private garden

Then I am alone

With the tangle of my thoughts

Which are sometimes wild

And violent

Maybe they kick and bite

But they are mine

No someone else's

My pain, my doubt

My own loathing

All my own

To be alone can be torture

Or it can be blissful peace

The absence of ripples

On the pond of my psyche

Perhaps, some days - even solitude

is deceptive

as that (by-my-self)

is inaccurate

the 'we,' dispossessed

and self, associative

at best ...

my mind's

so far gone

I cannot begin

to say how long

or how come,

save the distance

between my

and self

has become

protracted,

and when it

happened

well

I'd

also like to know

and that thought

will not leave me

(alone)

06.27.2024

Alone challenge @dctezcan

Alone,

that's all I feel.

An empty pit of loneliness

stretched out before a meal.

Yet,

I cannot eat.

I stare and stare at the delicious feast

but I know it is not for me.

It is for others,

those that have never starved.

Those that live their lives

in the glamour of a bar.

It's not for me,

I tell myself its ok.

It's ok that I can't tell anyone

what I want to say.

Its ok

that my first language doesn't feel like my own,

Its ok

that those who want to hurt me

call me home

Its ok

I can't communicate

without shaking my hands.

Its ok

that I relate to the villain

and never really have a plan.

I hope its ok to be different,

to be lost in a crowd,

to know you're alone

no matter how many people are around.

I hope its ok

to feel what I feel

because I have finally convinced myself

that every single part of it

is real.

The alone nights, seeing things beyond the stars.

The days when I don't want to think about it anymore!

Those times where I don't want anything but to go to bed,

but I sit there

and stare

at a screen

instead......

Those days where I wake up and everything is pain, when I stay silent and just wait for the end of the day. I don't tell a soul, what happens in my mind. All the shattered glass and figments inside. Everything is breaking in the eclipse of time. Moment to moment reality unwinds. Everything dwindles into decline. I sit alone now, as I have many times before. Slowly going insane from the inventions of war.

Not only,

but Also

We are

all In,

at this

Poker Table.

And point

Blank,

it's all

the Same

Alone

A/one

We are

all assured

the House

will win!

Whoever deals

or what Card

is played,

what extra Ace

is slipped, or

Mortal bet

is placed:

We're all in

till the End

and it's All

the same

One Table

turning, crackling

and All is one

all One and

the same,

a Conjunction

We throw

hands up

or we throw

Our hand in

It's all the Same

It's all and None

Much like

"apart"

but with

earned Scar,

a Slash for where

we Fought,

for a Way

Out from,

Draw back.

A silent voice falls on inattentive ears:

Pleas for recognition of her persisting pain.

No one hears her cries,

Though she stands directly before them.

No one notices the crystal tears

Bleeding incessantly out her eyes,

As though a veil has chosen

To eternally enshroud her from existence.

A silent voice calls out to the wind,

Echoing a soundless symphony

Of sharply woven tears.

But only the reflections of her own misery

Echo back to counter her tune,

The winds failing to respond in kind.

A silent voice murmurs a muted prayer

And waits without expectation

For the noiseless abyss to take her in.

But even the insatiable vacuum

Ceases to open its maw in comforting hunger.

And so she withdraws herself into her cocoon

And gently closes her lips:

Perhaps she is inexorably fated

To suffer alone in ceaseless silence.