underwater

or above stay inside

hold yourself

a light

on

going under

cries drowning cries drowning sleep

sights

falling flailing asleep

deep failing

I should have been gone

already

when

a boy and a girl and their mother returned to

clothes on the floor like suburban ruins

but I was still

folding and packing and unfolding

an old rug in triangles

Throwing my body into the weight of the rug,

the torn threads at the seam and I

eye level

unmanageable when folded,

too heavy too large.

Never pillage the rug

but never let the rug you never pillaged let go

To make a place

sit on a hill on the jutting edge of land

left to rot

after having been turned over

Ruined and

Re

Discovered

An old clock on Court street turned time backward.

The clock was not there when I was five but is here and

I am running away from madness

in and out of my

thin

viscous skin and veins

I hide behind a fixed jaw

Eyes fixed on a place

no eyes, no place

just a jaw grinding teeth

Leave me

On the border of time when was when is

a fixed place.

Remember the corner, where

there was a

clock face rising above the middle of some ancient sign of an ancient

place?

It's still not one.

Ruined and

Re

discovered

Turning to one then into the other

Place I can’t stay here

Place I can’t stay

here

Person not here either

Leave me

On the border of time when was when is

Fixed the place

Remember the corner

Place of empty

Streets

but the way it felt

that was another

me

the way it felt I can still remember looking into your sunken eyes begging you for a taste

I can make it feel again

easy

But impetus

dissolves inside the memory of hurt

can you catch me?

I think now

you see me, not dressed or made up

raw, bare. not destroyed, breathing my days as if they are not spaces to lose to hold to see

I’m no fun

I do not want to be fun to perform for you

yes, it was fun

I wish I were fun

but living is enough

so many people staring from inside their bodies not telling you they are balancing on a pin to get better do better to get something from you that might make them feel better you may like them but it really doesn't matter whether or not you do as they still exist and you have to let them go on without you

we live in silence

words are babies that nobody wanted

you speak and put 1 into the air

did you really mean to

do you remember why

intention in what you say

is gratuitous

a temptation

an urge

to take a shit?