I'm kind of in-between lives right now

this is the after greatness & before more greatness life so

I'm not really too worried about this one, what I do, when I go

my next life will be ready when it's ready and will guide this meaninglessness into the nearest obituary where this life's pain will make the next one's triumphs that much more... _____

So when life pays me back with lemons I say, squirt them bitches in my good eye n send me the bill so that

when I'm given the throne in my next life

An Ieye can weep what it had sowed

"I'm hungry!"

'Drink some water?'

"Bitch why don't I just eat you?"

'Im your siamese twin.'

Licks lips remembering what they had done to their triplet in the womb

Wanna lose weight BUT don't want ozempic farts or to deal with sketchy gym dealerships?

Hair. Grows after we're dead just like nails so get rid of em both.

Every follicle of hair n nail removed adds up.

Donate plasma and blood. Water weights a bitch

Now

Here's where it gets real easy for you

Organs

We got too many and even more that don't work like they once did

Lose a ling a kidney and a tonsil or two bam

We're hitting your goal weight and we haven't even broken a sweat

Now

Eye balls

Do you really NEEED depth perception?

Boobs

Are you planning to breast feed?

Teeth.. theoretically, vaneers are better than the phlegmy mediocrity you haven't flossed since TV's had antennas

We can just take those all out by the root aannnnd

Wallah

You

Are beautiful!

Tell your friends...

Tell your fami-....

Go ahead and just kill yourself so your next of ken can hear about us and hop on that free trial

Once upon a moon somewhere in Nantucket

A witch whore she spawned her a bucket

Filled it with loob and pubes n uncircumcised tubes

Attacked her dusty slit popping off like a musket

Asked a friend how he protected himself growing up in an area as the only white kid on the school bus and one of two at the whole school

"One pocket has been lined with foil to have about a handful of my family reunion's leftover

Potato Salad my Aunt Pauline made that she had salted only the top layer of (and made sure to include a warning post it next to it about it potentially being too spicy so eat with caution).

The other pocket has a watch that has satellite precision down to the nanosecond for every Time-zone's on Earths correct time of day.

Soo both my pockets contained the ultimate cryptonite."

Damn that's an impressive strategy

"Yeah I still got my ass beat regularly, they just sent the other white kid in blackface."

BREAKING NEWS

This just in

The mythical "Clitoris" has been spotted on the first Human Female in over a century!

In other news, pitchforks and torches in the surrounding area have sold out and price gougers in the neighboring towns have begun lining the streets on the roads leading to the alleged clit women's place of living

Tune in HERE to view the burning LIVE

To see if the crisped body Sinks

Or

If it swims

All to be determined by our brave and mic'd up

MAN in the BOAT

WELL Johnny

See this here is Crack

Now

The first thing I like to do and you'll find you should too

Is to sprinkle jussst a little bit onto the carpet oh especially in that spot over there where both are the same color so it camouflages

Johnny didn't think much of this tradition and assumed it's like when you piss on the ground wether have to pee or not

For the dead homies

Later that night when Johnny could only hear shouts & cries with loud thumps and erratic breaths

Johnny realized their was no more crack left

Johnny thought about if Dead homies would actually want their starving thirsty friend to not survive using the urine on the ground as means to make it until better times come and tried translating that to his predicament.

Johnny stopped thinking about how selfish that would be of the dead homies

Johnny combed that carpet feeling like a gold rusher and new he'd always sprinkle some dusts before the new scores get puffed

Johnny regrets the shag carpet but has plenty of scissors ready to be called to action

Johnny

Is a good boy

You're usually on time now

all of a sudden?

EXPLAIN

"Oh that? I just stopped fully stopping and what not at Stop signs."

Thr cemetery groundskeeper dug out the headstone with a sandy finish in the old side of the graveyard's pre indoor plumbing wing.

"The first and only human

To be confirmed to have died from SPONTANEOUS Combustion!"

Groundskeeper looked around waiting for someone to laugh with him at this preposterousness

He laughed to himself which turned into him having to really collect himself more than once before finally continuing the monotony of maintence on the dead and forgottens.

"Richard N.

Glassman?"

The groundskeeper thought and then began to lose his mind in a hysterical fit that not even the subtle incoming droplets of rain could cool off

He felt urine begin to flow freely *- ZAAAP _

A Quick poof that crackled, heating the headstone for a moment- came and went before the grave marking hit the ground it was taken from

The headstones engraved 3rd and 4th words faded with the wind