Deceit looks like me, the shape of my lips

It calls out so sweetly bringing false bliss

Too fragile for heat yet shatters in cold

A smile worth buying but never is sold

Held down by beliefs that meant no real harm

Hiding my tears to not set off alarms

Picture perfect and arranged to be chic

Covering feelings that prove to be bleak

Given no value it’s hard to define

Smiles can be priceless but cost me my time

Willing to sacrifice all that is mine

Hoping my feelings and body align

To honestly smile while thinking of me

I’ll have to find out what makes me happy

She drowned herself in waves of temporary relief

Loving the cleansing burn as she swallowed her own belief

Fully aware of the told dangers that stalk, lurk and creep

Her innocence on the shelf, selling for disturbingly cheap

An aimless gaze

Bringing bliss

Causing chills, all

Directions missed

Entangled lies, done by

Fictitious scenes of

Giving love with

Hidden means

Inducing eyes always

Judging my moves

Knowing my weakness, then

Leaving me soothed

Mellow voice has

Never heard no

Omitting passion for a

Perfect show

Quietly cooed as we

Rest untouched, I'm

Sweetly embraced but

To stay is too much

Under your thumb with

Violence and yells, you

Whisper me under

Xanax’s calm spell

Your lips they tremble with

Zealous motivation, though you're looking at me... your heart is taken

You were an abstract attraction that began on day one

Folding pages gave me paper cuts,

Alliteration gave me a sharp tongue

Repetitive words like a constant hum,

Leaving amorous notes like poor Hansel left crumbs

Bought like preserves, tightly sealed, the sweet taste only assumed

Lonely desire, dreaming day and night, this fictional love how it looms

Playing pretend, roles are given, the orchestra all tuned

Beginning, middle and end, the mystery still resumes

Context around says to fall madly in love

So my hearts beating fast but from my neck I’m now hung

This writhing spine so ripped and torn

The last word feels like death

But the first word is now born

Hands find warmth from a burning shrub

Bodies dance in a spirit of love

Deaf ears hear more than dull minds

It's not in between, just read the lines

My shallow mind

Loves your eyes

A trance for the seeking

And scissors for ties

A soft whisper

In the same breath of a yell

One little look

And I give up heaven for hell

I was always taught by my parents to make my dreams happen. Yet I never could, I blame the undecisive seasons. They never aligned with my dreams.

But I’m done listening to the silence of the seasons changing.

So here I stand, ready to jump as the swift fall breeze gently tugs me back and forth from the ledge. Maybe it’s telling me to back down or maybe it’s giving me a nudge forward. It must not know that I made my decision already.

One foot hovers off the ledge, and I tell myself that it will feel exactly like missing a step when going downstairs. But unfortunately, I know better than that. I’ll probably feel a drop in my stomach, the same drop I get when a roller coaster plunges steeply towards the ground.

I gather my thoughts and look down to prepare myself for what’s to come. There’s no going back now. I can’t be a coward forever.

And with that last instigating thought, I jump. Diving forward, my feet are practically sewn together. In the same second as a blink, I hit the water. I didn’t prepare myself for the sting on my skin the moment my body broke the barrier between the air and the water, so it came as a shock. Not a “screaming eyes wide open shock”, but a “wow I didn’t expect that shock.”

I swim with galloping strokes towards the shoreline and realize there’s no one around. My body is covered with goosebumps and all my hairs are standing. I just continue to walk until I make it home, in my wet clothes just dripping with every step as if I’m leaving a trail of my melting cowardice.

Shivering, I step into my room and strip off everything but undergarments and my goosebumps. I pull a blanket over my shoulders and it kisses my body with warmth. I lay back on my bed with my legs straight out and my arms on my sides.

“Did I really jump?”

And I’m silent again... as I see from the corner of my eyes the window curtain dancing in a rhythmic pace.

My sight starts to darken and I begin to give in to the blissful temptation of sleep, as it creeps onto my bed and hugs me tightly, not letting go and I don’t want it to.

Slipping deeper and deeper into darkness all I can think about is how I forgot to close my window and how the autumn breeze may take this as its chance to nudge me forward.

But I know it won’t because winter kills, autumn just frightens.