When death surrounded me with its heavy white veil of melting ice, I wonder if this is all there is or will be.
It's hard to recall, much less believe, that life will come again and green my soul with new life. So deep into dying, I go always spiraling down into darkness so far I can't see my hand in front of my face.
And then it comes, as it has every year of my too long life. Just when I decided to call it quits, a crocus of all things springs out of my filthy piled up life.
I remember Pacov
there is war
a mortar embed itself
in our house unexploded
earth seeps blood
ground screams in fear
so many have fallen
running for their lives
without success
cows mooing
time for milking
udder full dangling
water from the well
deep and cold
bread baking
warm slices slathered
fresh lard thick chewy
another bomb blast
gone for good
I've been rethinking
the beauty of living
in self-induced
abuse torment
cutting my inner self
just to watch me bleed
sure there is satisfaction
in the ability to inflict
powerful thoughts
that bend you over
aching gnawing throbbing
palms dripping bleeding heart
there must be more than wallowing
in what's gone for good
gone for good
might become
a new anthem
you are gone from my life for good
Bliss
chicken little said it best
everything that could go
wrong is falling in down
pick a topic any topic
the end of each telling
is doom
external internal
no hiding places exists
from upcoming melee
catastrophe holocaust
no where to get away
no safety
future once was promise
now it holds slow death
think on it
dread fills you with ice
shatters of former self
sharp frigid piercing
I found myself alone smiling
odd thing that
just me and a screen listening
to my words being read like
black velvet over ice on coke
corners of my mouth turned
riding a bicycle
a chuckle gurgle emitting out
fun how you can't feel lonely
with words flooding airwaves
I found myself alone encircled
audio group hug
I didn't win the vagina lottery
wasn't born with one
haven't been able to find one
ready willing able to hold me
even for that little bit of time
for me to spew renew
left to my own devices I fall
on my knees and say words
directed to the vast heavens
take away this blasted curse
send rain wash me
cleanse my aching soul mind
hands clenched white tears
unashamed I can't do it by
myself alone unassisted sole
help help me Rhonda
Abba Hercules Diane
I can't make it one more day