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Written by Meadow337 in portal Romance & Erotica

You really irritate me sometimes.

You really irritate me sometimes.

Like when you eat

the sound of your mastication reminds me of a pig

I want to cry ENOUGH at every meal

and stab you with my knife.

I take a white-knuckled grip

and slice my steak savagely instead

imagining it is your head.

You really irritate me sometimes

Like when you work and whistle

this is a terrible infraction of our agreement

and drives me to distraction

The discordant shrills falling from your lips

make me mutter vile cantrips

I wish I had access to a giant brute

with whom I could render you mute.

You really irritate me sometimes

When to the john you go

here your transgressions are quite appalling

You do not flush, the smell is galling

drops of urine adorn the seat

how do you manage that feat?

as I wield the brush, the urge

to beat you senseless is overwhelming.

You really irritate me sometimes

but guess what - I still you love anyway

and wouldn't swop you for another

imagine learning to live

with what new irritations they would bring?

the familiar doesn't breed contempt

but brings love that overlooks, forgives

yet still - you really irritate me sometimes.

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Written by Meadow337 in portal Romance & Erotica
You really irritate me sometimes.


You really irritate me sometimes.
Like when you eat
the sound of your mastication reminds me of a pig
I want to cry ENOUGH at every meal
and stab you with my knife.
I take a white-knuckled grip
and slice my steak savagely instead
imagining it is your head.

You really irritate me sometimes
Like when you work and whistle
this is a terrible infraction of our agreement
and drives me to distraction
The discordant shrills falling from your lips
make me mutter vile cantrips
I wish I had access to a giant brute
with whom I could render you mute.

You really irritate me sometimes
When to the john you go
here your transgressions are quite appalling
You do not flush, the smell is galling
drops of urine adorn the seat
how do you manage that feat?
as I wield the brush, the urge
to beat you senseless is overwhelming.

You really irritate me sometimes
but guess what - I still you love anyway
and wouldn't swop you for another
imagine learning to live
with what new irritations they would bring?
the familiar doesn't breed contempt
but brings love that overlooks, forgives
yet still - you really irritate me sometimes.

#romance  #poetry  #love  #comedy  #humour 
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Juice
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Written by Winterreign

Rose petals

Kid: mom where did you meet dad?

Me: well sweetie we added each other on snapchat and he asked for naked photos and he sent me some naked pictures. It was so romantic.

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Written by Winterreign
Rose petals
Kid: mom where did you meet dad?
Me: well sweetie we added each other on snapchat and he asked for naked photos and he sent me some naked pictures. It was so romantic.
#romance  #humour 
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Written by AWriter in portal Poetry & Free Verse

Discombobulated

Discombobulated, lost, without time,

outside of time.

The minutes, the hours, the days,

pass without record.

Before I am lost forever,

I need time returned to me.

Where is the nearest place,

where I can get my watch fixed?

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Written by AWriter in portal Poetry & Free Verse
Discombobulated
Discombobulated, lost, without time,
outside of time.

The minutes, the hours, the days,
pass without record.

Before I am lost forever,
I need time returned to me.

Where is the nearest place,
where I can get my watch fixed?
#poetry  #micropoetry  #humour  #Discombobulated 
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Written by AWriter in portal Flash Fiction

Mistakes and Pink Fluffy Bunny Slippers

Robert was standing outside of his house as it burned. He now knew why everyone had said that building a Multi-Universal Portal might not have been a good idea. However it was nothing to the mistake of opening a portal right in front of a dragon... but he had to admit that the biggest mistake was working in his purple giraffe PJ's and pink fluffy bunny slippers. The image of the Universe Inventor in pink fluffy bunny slippers and purple PJ's with giraffe's would be headline news . He was sure the image would be "Iconic" before the sun had set.

Disclaimer - Mildly dyslexic so small oops do occur and if you see one, please point it out. Or ignore it... Either is cool

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Written by AWriter in portal Flash Fiction
Mistakes and Pink Fluffy Bunny Slippers
Robert was standing outside of his house as it burned. He now knew why everyone had said that building a Multi-Universal Portal might not have been a good idea. However it was nothing to the mistake of opening a portal right in front of a dragon... but he had to admit that the biggest mistake was working in his purple giraffe PJ's and pink fluffy bunny slippers. The image of the Universe Inventor in pink fluffy bunny slippers and purple PJ's with giraffe's would be headline news . He was sure the image would be "Iconic" before the sun had set.

Disclaimer - Mildly dyslexic so small oops do occur and if you see one, please point it out. Or ignore it... Either is cool
#fantasy  #scifi  #fiction  #comedy  #humour 
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Written by AWriter in portal Sci-Fi

The Final Frontier

It all started when man first sent rockets into space with capsules filled with important and interesting things about humanity held safely within. The aim, to reach out to whatever might be out there... to let them know a little about a small planet called Earth.

Oddly enough, knowing what we do about humans, the “whatever” got the message and found humans so interesting that they had to come and see us in the flesh. The news of what had been found was one of the biggest news stories in the Galactic Confederation.

So they (around sixty planets) sent teams out to what they called The Final Frontier. After a long journey they arrived to find and that interacting with the new and interesting race was going to be harder than they first thought. They had sent messages of their arrival before even setting out but it seemed that either there had been a big misunderstanding or maybe it had just gotten lost in the interstellar post. But whatever the reason, upon arrival they greeted by large groups of armed humans who did not seem pleased to see them in the slightest.

This put their plans of learning and interacting with the Humans back a few years until Zip (one of the first aliens to land on earth) came up with an idea. They had the technology to recreate the human form as long as they had humans to copy so why did they not grab up a few, copy them then send them to live on Zips plant while Zip and his group lived it up on earth for a bit? They idea went down well with the government and by the end of the week there were five confused and scared humans on the plant of Up and there were five wild haired humans sharing strange ideas on earth...

Now this would have been fine if Zip was the only one to have the idea of changing places with a few humans for a short while (we all know good ideas come in pairs of seventy (as found out by Galactic scientists in the year 183570 cc.)) and if once on earth the lucky few had kept in touch with there home planets but it would seem that earth is infectious and brings on such side effects like memory loss and a need to spend all day on a beach with a bright fruity drink with at least three umbrellas in it.

But none knew what effect earth would have on those that stayed there for any length of time and so after a long time of silence the governments of those groups that were on earth having the time of their lives sent new teams and swapped places with more humans. They to fell into the umbrella festooned silence that was earth.

More and yet more Galactic Scientists were sent to earth and in a show of true bureaucracy not one government told any of the others what was happening or that they had people down on earth at all. This lead to the events of today. Where it was finally discovered that there were no more humans on earth and that they had in fact been relocated to sixty of the Galactic Confederation planets were they had taken they worlds by storm and were now introducing such things like bright drinks, pop music, hangovers and pet cats to the galaxy.

Disclaimer - Mildly dyslexic so small oops do occur and if you see one, please point it out. Or ignore it... Either is cool

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Written by AWriter in portal Sci-Fi
The Final Frontier
It all started when man first sent rockets into space with capsules filled with important and interesting things about humanity held safely within. The aim, to reach out to whatever might be out there... to let them know a little about a small planet called Earth.

Oddly enough, knowing what we do about humans, the “whatever” got the message and found humans so interesting that they had to come and see us in the flesh. The news of what had been found was one of the biggest news stories in the Galactic Confederation.

So they (around sixty planets) sent teams out to what they called The Final Frontier. After a long journey they arrived to find and that interacting with the new and interesting race was going to be harder than they first thought. They had sent messages of their arrival before even setting out but it seemed that either there had been a big misunderstanding or maybe it had just gotten lost in the interstellar post. But whatever the reason, upon arrival they greeted by large groups of armed humans who did not seem pleased to see them in the slightest.

This put their plans of learning and interacting with the Humans back a few years until Zip (one of the first aliens to land on earth) came up with an idea. They had the technology to recreate the human form as long as they had humans to copy so why did they not grab up a few, copy them then send them to live on Zips plant while Zip and his group lived it up on earth for a bit? They idea went down well with the government and by the end of the week there were five confused and scared humans on the plant of Up and there were five wild haired humans sharing strange ideas on earth...

Now this would have been fine if Zip was the only one to have the idea of changing places with a few humans for a short while (we all know good ideas come in pairs of seventy (as found out by Galactic scientists in the year 183570 cc.)) and if once on earth the lucky few had kept in touch with there home planets but it would seem that earth is infectious and brings on such side effects like memory loss and a need to spend all day on a beach with a bright fruity drink with at least three umbrellas in it.

But none knew what effect earth would have on those that stayed there for any length of time and so after a long time of silence the governments of those groups that were on earth having the time of their lives sent new teams and swapped places with more humans. They to fell into the umbrella festooned silence that was earth.

More and yet more Galactic Scientists were sent to earth and in a show of true bureaucracy not one government told any of the others what was happening or that they had people down on earth at all. This lead to the events of today. Where it was finally discovered that there were no more humans on earth and that they had in fact been relocated to sixty of the Galactic Confederation planets were they had taken they worlds by storm and were now introducing such things like bright drinks, pop music, hangovers and pet cats to the galaxy.

Disclaimer - Mildly dyslexic so small oops do occur and if you see one, please point it out. Or ignore it... Either is cool
#scifi  #fiction  #adventure  #aliens  #humour 
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