...and upon the garden of Eden, hidden between the fruit trees, and the berry bushes, lived the snail. and it was just so, that in those days, snails had two wriggly arms with short curvy fingers. that they used to great affect; they applied them adeptly both for foraging in the bush and for walking and even galloping upon them as we do with feet.

you see, the good lord, on the fifth day of the creation of the world, populated the land and the sea with the great abundance of animals. he endowed each of these animals with the knowledge of living as they still are ; lions hunted, gazelles grazed, cows chewed the cud, bees made honey, spiders wove webs, weevils bored the husks and on and on. magnificent was his creation and the world was beautiful and flourishing.

The day following, on the sixth day, the good lord of all creation, created man and  woman. he told them to be fruitful and inherit the earth. the creator admonished them though, that under no circumstance , must they eat of the fruit of the tree of wisdom , neither should they consume the fruit of the tree of life.

with what must be great satisfaction at a marvelous accomplishment, the creator now considered his work complete. He desired to rest for the effort was great. And god was all but ready to close his weary eyes, when then he heard the disturbing sound of Adam, the father of us all, smack a mosquito that landed on his bare leg. he soon also heard Eve, scratching herself , rasping desperately at her skin. she was flea-bitten, and her skin was already red, with tetters and bites.

the good lord was and IS merciful, and so with much care , he commanded all the animals to continue consuming of each other as they pleased, only that he now forbade them all from ever eating the flesh of man, nor bite it, nor drink of it’s hot blood.

so now , it seems, for man and woman, there was a prohibition and for animal alike, there was a prohibition.

and so , relieved of his labor, the good lord went to rest for a day of Sabbath.

Sadly, Adam’s skin was still afflicted and itchy, as the bites if the mosquitoes were deep and nasty. Eve too, scratched and itched ceaselessly, for the irritation was still unhealed and bothered her even onto madness.

it was then that the clever snail came forth, galloping on his two hands. shrewd he truly was, for he was born but a day earlier, but eschewed slumber and learned much, ere the arrival of man.

“pardon me, friends” the snail began. “you seem both to be of great discomfort. what is the matter? Perhaps I could be of assistance.” he said while cleaning his nails studiously.

“Oh, good snail! We seem to be infested with vermin,” said Adam and scratched “and though god has told all beasts to leave us in peace, blessed be him, their bites are still very sorely felt” he continued, raking his skin all along.

“oh, that is a grievous problem. but I feel certain that knowledge of the remedy is within my ken. follow me, my friends, and you shall find relief.”

And so, the snail led Adam and Eve through the scenic pathways of paradise. They passed through, all manner of verdant groves, lush bushes and green fields, all the way to the tree of life, which stood alone, surrounded by the grassland. To say that the tree of life was beautiful would be a bitter injustice. Surly no poetry nor music written by man could capture such a breathtaking sight. its bark was soft to he touch as silk, magnificent in its foliage and rich with ripe fragrant fruit.

“friends, “ said the snail, picking from off the ground a fruit that had fallen in the wind. “here is your cure” he held out the marvelous fruit for them to take.

“Gentle snail” said the woman. “I must remind you, that my lover, Adam and I are forbidden to eat of this fruit. “

“indeed, my good lady.” replied he, “it is no secret to me, that the lord forbade you both to eat of this fruit. but pray tell, did he bar you from making other uses of it?”

“What is your meaning, friend?” asked Adam, for he had yet to eat of the fruit of the tree of wisdom and could not imagine of a use to a fruit, other then sustenance.

“why, it is plain for me to see!” exclaimed the snail happily, “a fruit or any other thing for that matter, may have more than a single usage” he smiled wisely. “I shall teach you of my art, if you wish. But I regret to inform you that it will not be without a price.” said the snail and gazed at Eve.

“What shall be your terms?” inquired she.

“Well, my lady, there are many things that our lord created, which are fair to look at. but you, my dear, are truly the center-piece of this garden of paradise. I will ask for a kiss, and nothing more.”

“a kiss?” smiled Eve “I shall kiss you gladly, as I would kiss my man.” said Eve . in her innocence , she saw no wrong in the request. she leaned down in anticipation.

but the snail stopped her.

“Forgive me, my lady, I was not clear and that is regrettable. although your lips are the roses of the forest, deeper in color than the cherry fruiting. of all your beauty, I desire most to kiss those fleshy cheeks upon which you sit. “

Puzzled by the gastropod’s request, Eve turned and attempted to see what it was that drew the snail’s eyes.  She was not yet fully aware of all her many attributes. Adam too, was not unmoved. he smiled happily at the her shape, which only now he had noticed.

“well, your request is new to me, but I will gladly agree” said eve.

the snail was generously presented with Eve's cheeks and kissed each one at length. there was a clear grin on the snail's face, for he was greatly satisfied. he remained quiet for a long moment in obvious euphoria.

After coming to his senses, he set himself to the work at hand. adeptly, he peeled off the skin of the fruit of the tree of life. the windfall fruit had a rich odor and once it was inhaled, it brought a feeling of merriment and comfort, which lingered for many hours.

The wise snail took the peeled fruit and using a pair of smooth round pebbles, ground the fruit into a smooth paste. As Adam and Eve watched him do his work, they were awestruck . they were never taught anything before.

With the fruit milled thus into a paste, the snail took fallen leaves of the tree of life, which were as soft as velvet. he used the leaves to gently apply the salve, upon the reddened skin. he started with Adam, quickly treating his many inflammations. afterwards, the Snail took great satisfaction, applying the the same paste upon Eve's person.

The relief that the first humans felt, was instantaneous. the itching was over and the paste of the fruit easily peeled off, once its therapeutic function was realized. Leaving nothing but healthy, unblemished skin.

"oh, I feel so much better!" exclaimed Adam in great joy.

"my skin is perfection itself" said Eve.

"Yes, it truly is.” beamed the snail, “I trust I have not disappointed." said the snail with great pride.

“ YES, YOU HAVE!” they all heard suddenly. it was the creator of the world.

the good lord appeared above them with storm clouds and bolts of lightning. He was much displeased with the snail and with his most recent creation.

“I CAN'T EVEN TAKE A BREAK, WITHOUT SOME MISCHEIF TO OCCUR IN THIS GARDEN!” he thundered.

“forgive us, lord.” cried the frightened snail “we did not mean to cause offense, please do not hurt your humble creations..I did not hear word that we are not allowed to make good utility of the fruit of the tree of life, in a way other than as food. for you have strictly said only th-'

'SILENCE! WRETCHED BEAST' raged the lord. He was angry in a way that was unknown to the world before.

But his wrath was soon abated. Adam and Eve were innocent and while he forbade eating of the fruit, the lord did not explicitly forbid making use of it otherwise than food.

but it was clear that the snail was working with malice in his heart, as all snails do.

The good lord was saddened by the snail's betrayal and obfuscation. As we all know, the words of man can be twisted out of meaning but the lord knows what is the true intention of us all.

“IT IS TRUE THAT I HAVE NOT FORBIDDEN THE USE OF THIS FRUIT IN SUCH A WAY, BUT IT IS BEYOND DOUBT THAT YOU DID NOT ACT OUT OF KINDNESS TOWARDS MY CHILDREN, O RETCHED SNAIL. FOR THAT YOU SHALL BE MEET A MUCH-DESERVED PUNISHMENT. “ pronounced the creator and the snail trembled with fear.

The snail, for his loathsome character, was condemned to live out his life without his arms, slithering upon the ground as a slimy, cold, wet kiss. For his sowing of evil in the innocent hearts of Eve and Adam his own lips were shut together, forever consigning him to eat his meals, with but a small, raspy tongue.

“AS FOR YOU , ADAM AND EVE, “ the lord turned his attention to our most ancient ancestors, “KNOW THAT MY FORBARANCE OF YOUR INNOCENT MISTAKE IS NOT WITHOUT LIMIT. IT IS TRUE THAT I DID NOT BAN YOU FROM SUCH AN ACT IN WORD, BUT YOU ARE WISE ENOUGH TO HAVE SUSPICION WHEN SOMETHING IS RIGHT OR WRONG. AS SUCH, YOU HAVE FAILED TO RESTRAIN YOURSELVES FROM TAKING THE MALIGNANT SNAIL’S COUNCIL. NOR HAVE YOU PAUSED TO QUESTION HIS DEMANDS UPON YOU, EVE, WHICH ARE LOATHSOME AS THIS CREATURE IS ITSELF. FOR THAT YOU BOTH SHALL ALSO BE PUNISHED.”

And indeed, a punishment was soon found. the mosquitoes, ticks, flies and gnats and all other pests were allowed again to bite and suckle of the sweet blood of man. The vermin wasted no time, and descended once more, upon poor Adam and Eve.

however, the potency of the fruit of the tree of life is great indeed, long after it was applied , the vermin shunned as much as they could the taste of our ancestors. biting them only out of starvation itself.

Yea, as we all know, mosquitoes and other pests like the taste of man much more then woman and afflict the masculine gender with much greater malice. It is so since the days of paradise. The hateful creatures preferred to bite Adam and all his male offspring, as Adam was treated with the healing paste far less diligently by the greedy snail. Adam was soon scratching as before. sadly, his back was afflicted most of all.

In his pity, the good lord looked upon the uncomfortable man and said :'TAKE THEE THE WITHERED ARMS OF THE RASCAL SNAIL, WHICH HAVE FALLEN FROM HIS BODY LIKE THE AUTUMN LEAVES.. DRY THEM IN THE SUN SO THEY SHALL SERVE THEE IN THY PLIGHT!'

And so Adam did. The snail’s two arms were soon but withered remains, having fallen from the snail in just punishment. Within a day, the long arms of the snail quickly dried and hardened, and the fingers curled inwardly.

Adam , our forefather, knew not how the snails' desiccated arms could be of ay use, he had not yet fully understood the lesson that the snail had taught him, of finding additional usage and function to things. He tried to find use for the arms, but lacking in imagination, and wisdom, succeeded only in bringing more misery and consternation upon himself. he cried and lamented helplessly as the mosquitoes plagued him.

finally, it was Eve that saw, that this was not a mere stick that the snail’s arms had become. she held the device to her back and showed him, rubbing her skin with the dried fingers of the lusting snail.

and thus, my friends, a great invention was born: the back-scratcher.

1.) Be attractive.

2.)Learn only one song, preferably Wonder Wall.

3.) Bring your guitar everywhere. This includes but is not limited to bonfires, house parties, baby christenings, etc... but under no circumstances, ask permission to play. A guitarist performs no matter how the audience feels.

4.) Always bring it up in conversation that you play guitar, like a person who brags they go to Yale or Julliard.

5.) Live off your parents or a significant other, because you are pursuing your music career and cannot work another job.

5.) Have your whole persona be guitar related. Your room should be covered in guitar paraphernalia, specifically that one poster that has guitar chords on it.

6.) Wear a guitar pick on your person, this will show that you play guitar to the world.

7.) Dress like a hipster.

8.) Exclusively hang out in local coffee shops.

9.) Preform at open mic nights and think you will get your big break.

10.) Think you're hot shit.

And that friends, is how to be a guitarist!

I have exciting news!

I'm not alone! Last night, around 2AM I heard a knock at the door. This happened before, but in my dreams. I would rush down stairs and rip open the door only to find...nothing.

So last night, I heard, KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK...then the door handle rattled, but I had locked it (why do I do it that? lol!) Old habit I guess.

Anyways, I just thought it was a dream, I've been disappointed so many times I couldn't believe it was true.

But here's the crazy part! When I looked out the window this morning, there were foot prints! There was a light snowfall, most of it had already melted, but up the path to the front door was shaded, so it hadn't melted.

The tracks are large, like a size 13 or 14 men's. At first I thought they were from a bare foot (not like grizzly bear I mean a foot with no shoes or socks LOL,) but that's impossible, it's too cold for a human to do that. It must be those special sock/shoes that some of the joggers used to wear for better traction. (Remember jogging?? LOL! Never jogged once and I outlived {almost} everyone. Maybe this guy is a jogger? Ugh, that would be the worst! LOL!)

The snows all melted now so I can't follow the tracks. I shouted and yelled but he must be too far away to hear me.

So, I set up a fire in the yard and covered it in fresh branches to kick up as much smoke as possible, like an old fashioned smoke signal. lol (Aren't you proud of me? I went from a cheerleader to a frontier woman and it only took a deadly virus to motivate me LOL!)

Well, I should probably go, it's getting dark and I need to keep that fire stoked. Up on a hill you could probably see that flame for a couple miles. Hopefully he sees it and comes back.

WAIT!!!

There was a KNOCK!

Don't go anywhere, I'll be right back!

"Is this thing on...oh..it is. Wait, how do I know if anyone's going to listen to this podcast? Anyway, I am the one who was there before the beginning- well....eh at the point of creation time was still in the works. But the moment that the two silly humans fell for the oldest trick by Morningstar- wait- Lucifer, you know who I mean. Right? The serpent, the one who ended up tricking the first living humans. First of all, they were created, and had no names by the way. I will not disclose who I am for now, (clears throat), I do not want to be fired from my current long post with big G. (chuckles)

"Ah, I am really getting off track here. Wait, did I just hear big G calling for me. Nah, I clocked out from my shift. I am not handling any work right now. I am taking a well deserved break. The rest of the crew, I hope, can manage without me delegating tasks to them.

"Oh, sorry about that folks, I need to stay on task. (sighs) Okay, maybe I can complete in telling what happened in the garden of Eden before I have to head back to my post. Right, where was I again in telling the story?

"So, there I was in awe of everything that big G had created. From every living thing- I was surrounded by a lot of wondrous new things that I could never have thought of even painting, yet alone creating out of a point with nothing existing. The only thing that was there before creation was big G. I was created by none other than big G, too.

"Alright, I will get to my point of this podcast. (grabs a piece of paper, and pencil from the office desk) I am not creative like big G to create anything. This paper, and pencil is for me to try to make some points of what went down.

"First, imagine you have just been provided with a load of information- and you are still new to Eden-but big G who sees all, and knows all, still takes a moment to give you a rundown of what you need to do. I could give the first guy created by big G a slap, I mean come on you had the whole place to yourself- you should have enjoyed it all. What did he do instead? He asked for a partner. Come on dude, seriously, why would you do that? Did you not have so many other tasks to complete? You could have worked on taking inventory of everything big G had created. Maybe if he had done that then what happened thanks to him and his partner would never had happened.

"I do not blame the guy, I guess in a way he needed someone to be by his side. (smiles) I am glad of one thing, that he stuck by her side, even though he did in a way blame her for what had happened.

"Hold on, yes, I will get to explain what had taken place. The thing was that he, our main new guy, let's call him- Abe. Abe, the first man, strikes a pretty good deal. He has a place to stay, for free, and is handed a partner. Also, for free. No bride price/fee required, or a glorious expensive wedding ceremony.

"As the two become closer, there is another who is watching them quite closely. I should share this one who was keeping a close eye on them and knew exactly what would happen if things that were placed in order ended up being introduced to chaos. He whispered into Abe's partner's ears, humming sweet words telling her how to take over the Kingdom. Yes, making a plan with the two to bring pandemonium into paradise.

"She, Abe's partner, decided to follow every little thing that she had heard from the sneaky one. Abe should have said something at least to try to stop her. After she had tried to spread the word to some others of the crew to take over, and work with the other side, big G had to step in to sort them all out.

"I tell you one thing you do not want to do is have big G coming for you. (shakes) If you think a facing a hurricane is terrifying, try facing a being that is immortal, and much more powerful than Zeus. (tries to draw a lightning bolt on the piece of paper.)

"That kind of looks like a lightning bolt. Yeah, this is one of the reasons why I would not want to try to over big G's throne. I would also not want to have to deal with handling the ones that try to challenge big G's power/might.

"Thanks for tuning into this one take of the podcast about what happened in the garden of Eden. O, before I sign off, there was an interesting latest update from the headquarters, one of the three who is from the main branch of big G's group. I guess the other term would be Big G's one, and only child, intervened on Abe's, and his partner's, plus their children's children's children- oy- the whole clan/tribe, families, people, groups...to check the list from my head, they were all pardoned for Abe, and his partner's crimes of trying to have control over everything that big G had created.

"As for the one who tried to lead the other side to create an army against big G, well let's just say big G's got this, and that one better not try to challenge big G for the umpteenth time."

#GENESIS.

I recently watched a viral TikTok that posed the question, “why would any man listen to a feminist when all they do is villainize men?” The creator blames “angry feminists” for the popularity of social media “stars” and podcasters like Andrew Tate. We make men feel bad, and apparently the logical choice that follows is to flock to any misogynist with a microphone.

Aside from the fact that the hateful and factually inaccurate rhetoric these “men” spew is dangerous because it incites violence against women, it also oozes male privilege and entitlement. We are calling you out for abusing us, raping us, killing us, and taking away our bodily autonomy — to name just a few of the many injustices perpetrated against us — but you don’t want to listen because it makes you uncomfortable? God forbid a man feel discomfort. Discomfort and fear are for women only — we must simply get on with things, adapt, carry our keys as weapons and exercise only in daylight — but men? Men deserve to be made comfortable.

Hopefully it’s obvious to many (or women, at least) that the video’s creator fails to acknowledge that the actual cause of both women’s anger and the rise of toxic masculinity is the patriarchy, but there’s much more to unpack here. The creator calls for feminists to present their arguments in a way that are palatable to men —in other words, don’t be so meeaaannn. He fails to see that this directive is emblematic of living in a patriarchal society where women are expected to be meek and empathetic, and only men get to be angry. It’s also a classic case of tone policing — men dismiss the ideas being communicated by feminists because they don’t like the way the way in which those ideas are delivered. I’d argue that this man, though supposedly trying to “help” feminists by encouraging a “kinder” approach to men, is unaware that he holds an unconscious bias against women because he grew up in a patriarchal society that tells him female rage is wrong. Women telling men what to do is wrong. Men must not be made to feel less than. Subservience is a space for women.

The thing is, our whole way of life — this society that we must exist in — has been designed for men. Everything is made with them in mind, as if being a man is simply the default. Our language shows us this. Our businesses show us this. Our government and institutions show us this. And now, some other male creators are posting responses to this video about “what’s in it for men” if they become feminists and help dismantle the patriarchy. Unsurprisingly, they’ve even managed to make feminism about them. Apparently it’s not a good enough reason that women are dying as the result of the patriarchy to care about it, so you’ll forgive me if I don’t give a flying f*ck about how I make you feel. The work of writer and radical feminist Audre Lorde also comes to mind here:

“Whenever the need for some pretense of communication arises, those who profit from our oppression call upon us to share our knowledge with them…The oppressors maintain their position and evade responsibility for their own actions. There is a constant drain of energy which might be better used in redefining ourselves and devising realistic scenarios for altering the present and constructing the future.”It’s not the job of the oppressed to teach the oppressors. I will not ask nicely to be treated as a fully-fledged human worthy of dignity and respect, deserving all of the same rights as men. Men act as if feminist scholars have not dedicated decades of work to the topics of feminism, misogyny and the patriarchy for them to understand these nuanced issues by reading objective quantitative and qualitative studies — divorced of those pesky emotions that make them feel icky. Not only can men no longer be allowed to feign ignorance in the modern age where we have access to the world’s knowledge at the flick of key on a keyboard, but they must also not be allowed to demand even MORE of our emotional labor. We already do the lionshare of this work in our everyday relationships, and this leaves men in the same position of power they have always occupied and never earned — they get a free education on their terms, and all we get is the hope that they might finally decide to understand the plight of women.

Thanks, but no thanks. Afterall, do mice concern themselves with the feelings of cats?

If you’re a man and you actually want to do better, support the women in your life and dismantle the system that hurts us all, why don’t you start acting like it? Call out overt misogyny and abuse from other men like the Andrew Tates of the world. Call out more insidious biases perpetuated by men like the aforementioned TikTok creator, who fail to see the proverbial forest through the trees. Do your own work — go to therapy, read a book, attend a gender studies course. Listen to women, and if their anger and accusations make you uncomfortable — don’t run from it. Instead, interrogate it; ask yourself why that might be. Sometimes, we have to be uncomfortable to grow, and I will not put my feminism in a spoonful of sugar. It’s a jagged little pill I want you to feel going all the way down.

“Hey, Nick,” I said, leaning back, sipping a mock-mosa out of a glass in the kiddie pool I was in. My pink unicorn tube bobbed up and down slowly as the reclined in the sun.

“What’s up?” he asked, looking over at me from his beach chair.

“I have an idea for the season premier. Tell me what you think: We hire a live band to play Crazy Train, and I ride into the arena on a train, rocking out.”

“We hired a live band to perform your garbage song last season, Caleb,” Willow said, tanning on the beach chair next to Nick. “People will think you’re beginning to lose your magic touch.”

I tilted my sunglasses down. “Hermana, Caleb is not losing his magical touch.”

“Mmmmhmmm, that’s what they all say.” Willow rolled over onto her back. “So, how long will the arena be a beach again?” she said.

I looked around at my creation: I had dumped several hundred pounds of sand onto the stage and set up yellow UV lights to simulate the sun. In the center of the stage was the kiddie pool that I was floating in, set up three beach chairs, and put up a fake palm tree. Very real looking.

“Ferb, I know what we are going to do today,” I said.

*****

The audience filed into the dark room, murmuring amongst themselves. “It’s darker than normal,” an audience member said. “What do you think he has planned?”

“Another musical number? Remember how dark it was when he sang that song for the finale? I wonder if he has recovered any from that prankster, come to think of it…”

"Planned? Dude, it's Caleb. He has nothing planned. He just pull things out of his a--"

"Hey! Caleb is the most creative, most awesome, most coolest, most handsome, most talented person I know. Don't talk about him like that!"

"Ma'am, you do know the whole point of the show and the challenge is spontaneity, right?"

"You shut your mouth!"

The audience member rolled his eyes and looked ahead of him at the dark stage.

The murmuring continued for several minutes. Eventually, it quieted down, until the arena was completely silent. A dim glow began at the stage, not bright enough to illuminate anything. Slowly it brightened to reveal me, Willow, and Nick on the stage in hero poses. We all were wearing our beach-wear and sunglasses with smug looks on our faces. Immediately, we broke out into a fully choreographed dance number, shaking our arms to the sides then switching to the other side. We put one hand on our hip and began leaning it to one side while pointing at the audience in a

circular motion, similar to the Sprinkler. We waved our arms in a circular motion around our bodies, as if we were the face of a clock, then we spun backwards, gave our butt a little wiggle, and spun back around. Nick dove into the kiddie pool, Willow jumped and landed on her side in a beach chair, resting her head on a hand and bending one of her knees in that oh-so-familiar pose. I slid on my knees and grabbed the microphone from the stand. “It’s Pen to the Paper 26, baby, and that means it’s season three!!!”

The murmuring continued for several minutes. Eventually, it quieted down, until the arena was completely silent. A dull glow began at the stage, not bright enough to illuminate anything. Slowly it brightened to reveal me, Willow, and Nick on the stage in hero poses. We all were wearing our beach-wear and sunglasses with smug looks on our faces. Immediately, we broke out into a fully choreographed dance number, shaking our arms to the sides then switching to the other side. We put one hand on our hip and began leaning it to one side while pointing at the audience in a

circular motion, similar to the Sprinkler. We waved our arms in a circular motion around our bodies, as if we were the face of a clock, then we spun backwards, gave our butt a little wiggle, and spun back around. Nick dove into the kiddie pool, Willow jumped and landed on her side in a beach chair, resting her head on a hand and bending one of her knees in that oh-so-familiar pose. I slid on my knees and grabbed the microphone from the stand. “It’s Pen to the Paper 26, baby, and that means it’s season three!!!”

The crowd went wild.

“Also, Nick and Willow are dating.”

My two friends went red in the face and started denying it. I smirked at them, bowed, and sprinted away as they got up to chase me. Little did they know, I was wearing Gingerbread Man underwear.

The garden of Eden was easy to manage, everything grow without additional care. Good Lord, leaving nothing to chance, appointed Mr. S. Nake to be the gardener. Nake was esctatic, prancing around, till he bumped into Adam and Eve. They were, as God ordained, both of screaming scarlet colour skin and green hairs.

Nake found out, that he had an eye condition, in a way, he could not watch the pair without having a serious headache and, what was worse, inflammation of the eyes, lasting for days.

As Nake's skin was of comforting green type with lusks, Adam and Eve made fun of him; and said, that he is, because of his skin of lower race and should obey them in every whim. They were racist.

Nake watched both of them (he was not allowed to talk to them without prior approval) and found out, that Eve is using elongated fruit, like bananas, and vegetables as cucumber, for purposes Adam did not know about. You see, Adam was too busy prancing around and playing Lord's main enforcer, to take care of Eve, as he should.

Even so, one night, when Eve thought that Adam was away, ordering some poor snakes to do convolutions killing their vertebrea, she used bananas, cucumbers and all, in a gross quantity; and Adam, coming home early, watched it, hidden behind a burning bush. Livid.

Next day he grabbed Nake by neck.

"Make me a tree, with fruit so round and so big, that Eva cannot put in any of her orifices, except mouth, with slowly biting it off, or... Go off, slave. Do it, it is this or no future for you"

Nek was terrified and experimented with all the trees in the garden. Thankfully they grow quick and showed immediate result. After a lot of hit and miss, he finally succeeded. He brough his result to Adam and, with a deep bow, not looking at him, offered the result.

"What is this?"

Poor Nake, terrified, tried to say is an perfectly planned line of Eden, but stammered terribly. "it is a pppprefffet paaalllane linne eEdden..." was his answer.

"All right, in shortt, it is and apple."

"Eve, Eve, come here, Nake has something for us."

Eve, always ready for new, came immediately. She looked on tree and took an apple without asking. She offered it to Adam.

"Try it first, darling, it must be a delight."

Adam bravely bite into it and after gobbling his piece, had ordered loudly: "From now on, this is the only fruit or vegetable you will eat or use, do you understand?"

The clouds darkened, God appeared.

"How dare you to create something new and institute a monopoly in God's garden! And with God's tools too. You are both sinners, the only one who can create and has a monopoly in God's land is me, not you. Sinners, go out, and sin no more!"

Adam, with half of apple still in his hand, and Eve, hiding her biggest cucumber behind her, were thrown out of paradise; God had even changed their skin and hair colour, taken it all.

Because they created, where only God can create and they instituted a monopoly on it.

As had nothing better to do, they started the human race.

And S. Nake? He was hit with God's wrath too, to never be able to be a gardener and thrown to the farthest earth.

That is why there are no snakes in apple gardens.

Pasteur looked on at his pet. How he had loved playing with it from dusk till dawn. He smiled as he wiped the trickles of tears emerging from his lacrimal glands.

Pasteur felt a wave of anger rush in his veins. Why would someone harm his beloved close friend?

He did not understand why there had to be evil in the world. Could there not be at least a place that was only filled with good?

He proceeded to wash his hands for twenty seconds like he had learned during the first training in the health and sciences department. Pasteur wiped his hands and tossed the wet towels into the trash can. Then he used one of the dry ones to turn off the running water. He stood for a moment watching the mix of blood & water swirling around in the sink right before it went down the drain.

Pasteur briskly moved to grab a pair of nitrile gloves. He was ready to finally continue working on his latest experiment.

He grabbed a pair of medical tongs from a silver tray that he’d laid by the side of his newest project. Pasteur plunged the tool into the chest of his pet, and pulled out what looked like a lychee. He used both of his hands to tear the lychee like organ open.

His eyes looked on in wonder at the center/core of the lychee. Inside of the organ, Pasteur spotted a sac of seeds. He had not been sure if this was going to work, but now that he had made sure to increase the room temperature there was some progress in his work.

He raised his arms, while still holding the lychee in his palms. Pasteur burst out laughing. Maybe this would actually work.

He rushed to grab a few more items from the shelf. Using a range of techniques—which he’d learned from the great works of Bassi, Biot, & Sidney-Pasteur- Pasteur focused to light the path to bring a spark of new found life for his beloved pet.

Lightning flashed across the dark & starless night sky. Pasteur paid no mind to the sign of a big storm approaching. He continued on with his work.

After several hours of immense concentration, Pasteur noticed that the chest cavity of his pet was now covered by spores. This he deduced could be exactly what would bring about a breakthrough in his latest experiment.

He thought the spores could be the key to unlock the mystery to unravel how to bring his pet back to life. As soon as he laid his nitrile gloved hands on the spores, his whole body felt a shock like a wave of electricity through his body.

Pasteur soon lost control of his locomotion, and central nervous system. He felt lightheaded, and right before his body hit the ground~ he witnessed his pet rise from the examining table. It leaped from the examination table onto the floor.

He could sense tears collecting in his lacrimal glands. But they did not form a trail at this time instead they crystallized in the same manner as the rest of his body.

#TheScienceofMadness

Jason was impaled on the fire spear of the spacewitch Zazoo, he fell through the atmosphere, burning. we gasped in pain and terror as we saw the tragedy enfold. his red suit had some traces, i swabbed it, did all the steps, got a viable embryo.

Aisha, the yellow ranger defeated the evil dragon F'trogg, while the diminshed team fought the witch again. Aisha came close, to finish off the beast, when in a spasm of its tail, it tore through her suit. how that was possible, i shall never know, the deflection magic did not work well enough, is what i guess. a tiny scratch was all it took. micrograms of venom more powerful than ever, spread through her heart, stopping it. this time we at least had a body to bury. i took a sample of blood.

R.J, the purple ranger lost control of his dino, on a simple training exercise, his neck was broken as he was thrown at four times the speed of sound straight into a granite cliffside. again, i collected samples.

when mount. Katitka erupted, Tommy, the green power ranger, tried his best to launch the soectral sheild. alas, the fire gnome of the mountain was too strong. he used his braclet communicator to radio mission control of plan B, to run through the eruption with the antimatter disruptor. it was a suicidal. he died for nothing. all the fire gnome wanted, we found, was the stone of Merf, which was rightfully his to begin with. he, the gnome i mean, was kind enough to bring back what was left of the body. i collcted another sample.

i took the samples to the nuclear shelter. i sourced the materials, and grew embryos, for the rest. the jason embryo was progressing well.

they grew in the vats, and i hoped that it would somehow make up for all that happened. the deformations, where the umbilical attached to their scalp was something i accepted. i told myself, that they if they will grow better, then it's a small price. it was soon was apparent that they had severe problems with immune response. we enclosed them in the bunker, and turned the main assembly hall into a garden. they liked the smiling baby-sun as it rose over the astroturf meadow. they jumped and played, but did not develop mentally. Tinkywinky and LaLa seemed to be more assertive. i expected that Dipsy or Po (R.Js and Jason's clones, respectively) could advance to morphin level, but it would not be so. they grew in size, and hostility to outsiders. their fur bristling ferrally at any approach by the technicians. they grre even bigger, finally reaching the full dino size, and blasted their way through the containment facility.

luckily they quickly succumbed to the airborne vectors released by the Zazoo, who changed sides and now worked in alliance with us, 'gainst the space directorate. she helped putting them down, with minimal loss of life. and i vowed then to never clone again!!

October, the month of screams, spooks, and scares, is upon us. You know what that means. In case you are new and are unsure allow me to explain: it also means a whole month of theme challenges created by yours truly. Yes, this is the sixth annual series of theme challenges I like to call the Rainbow of Terror. Some of you are probably wondering why I call this the Rainbow of Terror. Whenever I create these challenges I attach them to a portal (horror, poetry, fantasy, etc.), and these portals have a different color to them. Blue for poetry, purple for fiction, pink for LGBT, and the like. Thus this makes a rainbow. And since the main theme of each challenge is about Halloween and horror (which is my favorite genre), it has become a Rainbow of Terror.

Unfortunately, due to an error of Prose's side I cannot seem to load more portals when I try to create a challenge, so my portal choices are sort of limit. So sadly there won't be any challenges for portals such as Paranormal, Gaming, History, Six Word Story, and the like. Which is a shame since my Guess Boo challenges seem to be extremely popular each year. I've tried informing Prose and IT about this months ago but nothing has been done about it. However, I won't let a technical error stop my creativeness. There are 11 terrifying challenges that I believe you might enjoy, as well as send shivers up your spines.

I understand that horror isn't everybody's cup of tea. Hell, some of you probably don't even like Halloween for personal reasons. But the purpose of these challenges isn't so much to celebrate Halloween (although they kinda are). It is to inspire creativity. So you don't need to be a fan of horror or Halloween to participate in these challenges. You just need to have imagination. And you just need to give it a shot. I especially extend a hand out to all newcomers on Prose in participating in each of these challenges. This is a good way to get others to recognize your writing talents and to become part of this extraordinary community.

All challenges will end on October 28. Enter one, enter two, or enter in all of these fantastic and ghoulish horror/Halloween theme challenges. If you have any questions about these challenges or what I may be looking for in these challenges, please feel free to send a message and ask me any time. And, of course, don't forget to tag me.

Good luck, write on, and scare away. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

HORROR

Title: The Greatest Horror Story Ever Told

Description: Give me the best horror story you can come up with. No word count or length restrictions for this. The one that scares me the most wins and gets a prize!

Word Count: Unlimited

Link: www.theprose.com/challenge/13452

FICTION

Title: Horror Prompt

Description: Try to come up with a prompt or a synopsis for a horror story you wish to tell. This can be for a future novel, a movie, a show, a video game, a one shot or campaign for a table-top role-playing game, etc. Two to four paragraphs, if you please.

Word Count: 15-250

Link: www.theprose.com/challenge/13451

POETRY

Title: Poems of the Fall

Description: This is for those that aren't a fan of the horror genre. Halloween is set in fall, probably my favorite time of the year. So instead of writing a spooky poem, see if you can write a poem about fall. Write about what you love about this time of year.

Word Count: 25-250

Link: www.theprose.com/challenge/13450

FANTASY

Title: Fairy Tale Terrors

Description: Rewrite a popular fairy tale but make it much more darker and twisted than the original.

Word Count: 15-1500

Link: www.theprose.com/challenge/13449

SCIENCE FICTION

Title: The Science of Madness

Description: Write about a mad scientist whose latest experiment either goes horribly right or horribly wrong (depending on how the scientist sees it).

Word Count: 15-1500

Link: www.theprose.com/challenge/13448

LGBT

Title: A True Rainbow of Terror

Description: Write a horror story/poem with LGBT themes.

Word Count: 15-1500

Link: www.theprose.com/challenge/13447

ROMANCE

Title: Tear My Heart Out

Description: Instead of a traditional horror, write about someone falling in love with a monster and/or vice versa. The monster in question is your choice. A vampire, a werewolf, Frankenstein's monster, a grotesque alien, a serial killer, whatever you can come up with. Tell me if it ends happily or horribly. You are free to write in any style you so choose. If you want to turn it into erotica that's you're choice. Just make sure to add a content warning.

Word Count: 50-5000

Link: www.theprose.com/challenge/13446

NONFICTION

Title: True Terror

Description: What's a ghost story or urban legend you may have heard about growing up in your community?

Word Count: 15-1000

Link: www.theprose.com/challenge/13445

HAIKU

Title: Haiku-ween

Description: See if you can write a haiku or two about Halloween.

Word Count: 15-25

Link: www.theprose.com/challenge/13444

REVIEW

Title: Do you like scary movies?

Description: Are you a fan of scary movies? If yes, what's your favorite scary movie and why? Got more than one favorite scary movie, make a list. If you don't like scary movies, what genre do you prefer then?

Word Count: 15-150

Link: www.theprose.com/challenge/13443

JOURNAL

Title: The Last Entry of the Last Person on Earth

Description: Imagine yourself as the last person on Earth (or so you believe). Humanity has been devastated by a cataclysmic event, such as a deadly plague, an alien invasion, the rise of a new dominate species, whatever you can think of. What would your last journal entry be?

Word Count: 100-1000

Link: www.theprose.com/challenge/13442

#themechallenges #halloween #horror #fun #writing #happyhalloween #RainbowofTerror