I'm potty trained dude I'm not a child.
I just really thought whoever was just now trying to break in,
wanted nothing of cash value and has saw me stretching through the window...
I was just trying to make undesirable, repulsive, the midnight snack it wanted to break and enter to get.
"The only thing you stretch is these fucking self soiling alibis"
So you wanna be, of ALL things... A Pirate?
The first step my young vitamin-C deficient matee
Go out into the World and be the cause of "An eye for an eye makes the whole something whatever"
Then, now that your depth perception is limited, develop a taste for the fairest priced Gin and hobble yourself into a corner that's so dark Traveling the Seas in search of treasures to pay for the habit seems like a Bright enlightening calling.
Okay now, sleep with one eye opened as practice and since you're missing one already unfortunately this will mean a lot of sleepless nights guarding non-existent booty that is will be rightfully yours once you sacrifice ol' Polly as a distraction and manage to steal then lug the treasure chest onto the ship of thieves and manage to keep both lungs undrowned across the many seas.
Natural Causes
What's this mean?
This means that you were so old, or just old enough, that your life's permanent end is not worthy of being investigated beyond the mere checking of your date of birth.
Natural Causes isn't just one specific way that someone can die but the many ways all ways really that someone can die while commiting the inevitable sin of old age
It is a free pass for those classifying it on official records
To go ahead and take an early lunch because this case in solved,
You were an old duck that died from being an old Fuck
It was like Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
Except
Crack
everything
The golden ticket; A number etched into the side of some random bathroom stall of any given establishment the etcher knew the Custodian was quick about sanding away.
The Oompa loompa even evolved to stare through the normal height peepholes often in shifts not like Vietnam Army privates ( back to back ) but on one another's shoulders
I asked the fello in charge why they stare through those things all day
"That's how you know it's good, if I hadn't had those peepholes installed they'd all be fighting to stare through every glory hole on sight"