Deal.
If piranhas can survive on salad you provide from the garden you feed chicken wing bones (grinded up into powder mixed with the dirt) and
IF you can get them to not eat your flaccid penis for 27 minutes
[Provided on 24/7 footage of the agreed length_duration does in fact prove the diet was 101% pure vegetable that was fed +/ ingested by the piranhas who were previously, before date of acquisition, was purley human OR pig but no more than 33% pig. Then]
Upon the unscathed (no blood can be flowing when placed under warm to hot water for 3 minutes post-piranah penile exposure) Penis
I will deem you, thereafter the previous conditions are declared and agreed to be more than reasonably sufficient
the "Bigger, smarter BUT far less sexy
-MAN!"
AND both hands will be shaken at the same time while saying it
Everyone dies alone
so
Do it with some fucking dignity!
Or don't
It's your life and your moment don't worry about a single thing other than entertaining yourself in those final fleeting breaths you have left to cry, to laugh, Or even to bite your tongue into a bloody mush to leave a real mess for whichever mother fucker is responsible for rolling your corpse into the bag they'll check you out from
you aren’t shitting me
A hanged man will soil the trousers regardless of catalyst.
It's like
-rinnnng-
Hello, Evolution? Are you there- it's me!
...Death.
I'd like my failure back please, and also
DO YOUR fucking JOB so I don't have to
(Both callers have a view of the fight between starving animals over the rotting meat that remains mostly eaten outside of the upper thighs and ass crack)
quarter service
I didn't even realize I was a piece of shit
Until i finally took a shit in a public bathroom at the place I'm a very regular customer of
And
The toilet paper was chained to the handicapped rail.
Going to charge me 3+$ a load to wash and more than that in dignity to dry my asshole after your expired vending machine goods reeked havoc on what was left of me in this overlit quarter raping boredom fetish of a business you slumlord over?
And to think I was gonna just give my bed bugs and Chlamydia without at least testing the plumbings explosion capabilities... You godamn ingrate
I'm potty trained dude I'm not a child.
I just really thought whoever was just now trying to break in,
wanted nothing of cash value and has saw me stretching through the window...
I was just trying to make undesirable, repulsive, the midnight snack it wanted to break and enter to get.
"The only thing you stretch is these fucking self soiling alibis"
So you wanna be, of ALL things... A Pirate?
The first step my young vitamin-C deficient matee
Go out into the World and be the cause of "An eye for an eye makes the whole something whatever"
Then, now that your depth perception is limited, develop a taste for the fairest priced Gin and hobble yourself into a corner that's so dark Traveling the Seas in search of treasures to pay for the habit seems like a Bright enlightening calling.
Okay now, sleep with one eye opened as practice and since you're missing one already unfortunately this will mean a lot of sleepless nights guarding non-existent booty that is will be rightfully yours once you sacrifice ol' Polly as a distraction and manage to steal then lug the treasure chest onto the ship of thieves and manage to keep both lungs undrowned across the many seas.
Natural Causes
What's this mean?
This means that you were so old, or just old enough, that your life's permanent end is not worthy of being investigated beyond the mere checking of your date of birth.
Natural Causes isn't just one specific way that someone can die but the many ways all ways really that someone can die while commiting the inevitable sin of old age
It is a free pass for those classifying it on official records
To go ahead and take an early lunch because this case in solved,
You were an old duck that died from being an old Fuck