Im not drunk

I just

Really like the way this out of order toilet is supressing my immune system

Being healthys For pussys who can't handle a little sniffle here or cancer scare there

Listen! In the wild, NOBODIES healthy

But

A wild to the bone anything is better off around a bunch of domesticated healthers than

Than a

Healthy milk fed pedestrian is in the wild or even just among an amount any amount of Wild'ians

Fuck you

"You suck your mom's tits with that mouth?"

That'd be hard to do when it's throwing up your mother's 'cooking' it somehow kept down for the past few nights

"How'd we ever share 7 1/2 months in that thing and make it out alive?"

I think devouring our triplets really did the trick

Ah yes very funny. My mother is many things but that which you claimed in your impromptu MOMMA joke, seems as though you barley were able to fully remember nor postulate even though you've chose that specific limerick'ish a time or twoo many against other's Mother's.

So while it may or may not be true,

We both know for certain

YOUR Mother, as unfuckable as she was and is

Somehow scammed her way into the Gene pool just like Grammy taught her, And, by an absolute near impossibility

Let her 1 non-reptilian 'egg' get woo'd by the literal least likely to fertilize-thee-egg sperm out of the 100s of dozens that weren't allowed to suicide with the rest when they saw what awaited them at the end of the tunnel.

You, won the lottery twice my fellow sperm.

Once, when you figured out how to operate as a single cell organism

Then again

When you made the call that Daddy wasn't tricking all the single cellies with some rusted sock or muddy hole in the ground and that THIS was it! the big chance (with the added bonus of the trip being 75%+ shorter than anticipated for reasons, not really science related like wormholes, but kind of)

So My mother, double breasted & not a fan of any type of Marlboro, yes

she is a what have you

And your's, itShe

Has managed to come into contact with a total of 1 ejaculation in her 25,000+ days here

And my God from that came..

(stares at him waiting for an answer which does eventually come, "me?")

Ah I'm just pokin your eye here ya go buddy. (Hands the well traveled wallet condom he's had in there since that Highschool health class)

Don't go spending it all in one place now

I was winning the battle with fighting back the tears, the lip quivers

So much so I couldn't think of anything to say

In that final moment, all I could get out without barfing up trauma or plain self pity

"See you on the other side..."

As the monitor started screeching about what was already known

"No, you won't"

Schizophrenia doesn't always pass down to the next victim/generation just because it had as far back as the confusing family-tree could prove.

But

The alcoholism that each branch attracted via their eventual termmi/ates tends to be a symbiotic inevitably that has proven to be most useful in very specific little God sends whose blossom's make forbidden fruit feel like an edible lottery ticket you didn't even know you'd been the owner and rightful ingestor to be (should you be hungry for upon the accidental discovery of).

What does this mean in the real world you and these saps have grown attached to?

Waking up find the almost mailed response to a correspondence you didn't know existed, that (you) really should've never even considered starting BUT now really want to know where it all began where it's going and why the hell you've never even kinda remembered reading the response mail from.

For the more digital branches of this tree

Opening an old laptop after finally cracking the password only to find in the browser history that wasn't fully scrubbed proper - some Account on a gaming platform that upon further lucid meddling shows a black market merchant who manages to store wealth in the items bought/+collectable in game while having a transaction History that indicates selling of the rarest inventory items right around all those rough patches you Acted Like A Man and swallowed the stress that needed a chaser that's full circled you now into chasing a rabbit down a hole which started at the Nice Trees Upper middle portion and is leading you into an abyss you're wondering if it'd be better to back away slowly and fill with the bendable branches still growing from the base to feed the hole with unlimited ___

OR

(Insert action done that caused the lapses in time and space you somehow just now are aware of)

Then

For those that this happens to be for example watering the tree with flammable liquids= Pour more + without looking, Pour some directly into and all around the

Gift'ree wHorses mouth that Rabbit tried dragging you deep down into

Sounds of a garbage disposal sink system being pushed to its absolute mechanical limits can be heard from every room in the apartment; the floors above and below it wake up to the grinding metal shards bumper car'ing into one another.

Something about letting them all swarm and fight over the fridges molded leftovers over night,

then getting the privilege of waking up to the garbage disposal being so flooded with those little cockroach mother fuckers that I can't even elbow grease another single solitary wing down into the magic hole until death rattling the load that's in there with the warm water running for a bit loosens things up.

Me and these coacsuckers have been at war ever since they moved in rent free (trying to state squatters rights or some shit like we live in a vacationing state where winter only comes after a nuke fails to kill their shelly asses)

Guess what?

"It ain't gonna take me a nuke to get rid of every last one of yous!"

The slumlord did one good thing when piling up this shit shack, concrete walls. No need for a gym just gonna bob n cleave these micro-bastards til my knuckles swell enough to have a mind of their own and tell me what to do next.

This place has become a super-highway and I don't intend on opening any more rest stops.

I flush em. The long wait afterword angers the survivors and the flying ones bounce around the closed lid

like some coked up genies with a dwindling supply.

I had a tub. I left a rather ripe post workout marinade film on the bottom that I added a full bear of honey to.

Once the white'ish porcelain turned to a blackout layers deep, my imperfectly measured homemade pool cover got placed over the top and I use this flesh n bone concoction God gave me to press the pool cover down and juice these coacs until the crunching stops.

I leave the last shovels worth in there to preserve in the clear dog shit bags to have fresh ready for Slumlord when he decides to show up Monday, or Tuesday. His door knob is shaped like half a heart and is perfect for tying bags of presents to especially if you just use the bottom to stab things through so their just barley not ripping apart while dripping through little by little on these hot humid heat waves.

The son of a bitch has no heart on the other side of that door! A genocide happening on his own species under his very roof & all he does is toss the bags out the window that soon enough will be too full of all us resident's gifts and will obstruct his perfect Emperial view of the Alleys many Bum Fights that we've fixed and pay me and a few neighbor's rent from a very mild Vig.

"Drugs aren't my problem

My problem

Is I'm a creature of habit and haven't taken enough time off consecutively to make those drugs work as effectively as they once did.

Now, the accumulation seems worse than it is because it's being looked at by eyes of a newbie or abstainer whom couldn't handle the total load, and is judging things from their Start From Go perspective

In reality, their pot or 2 a day coffee intake would make the average fool shit themselves silly and have the shit smudged all over their cheeks from the jiittteriing

I don't have a drug problem, I have a consistency problem THAT means I simply follow through more than the average, and need to Procrastinate in my rituals to obtain a better outcome in regards to

X-Ingested v s. X-returnrate"

You know those study-aid pills I've been selling you from my kids scripts were, and I didn't know this ...

' Placebo '. "?

"And you're telling me this, why?"

Ive heard it said

That pen to paper is like an Antenna to God

makes me wander

If my half flaccid half erect PEN-is

more like

An antenna to the soul

Not my soul

But the many souls within the 2 yen and yang bollocks that guide the flesh antenna to the source attracting them

Telling me without words nor sound, where they desire to go and try at their chances to one day be the attractors or that being attracted

Just to wind up in a sock or porcelain cemetery

I'm actually kind of surprised that most of the stuff is inside and not still soaking in some mosquito puddle. Yeah they've had a few weeks to simply move it from out here to in there but I was half to wondering what kind of contraption they most likely rigged up to just help prolong the move-in even at the very last step.

No tarps, no canopies, hell they even brought in the boxes (or burned them I suppose).

Having a taxi drop you off out in the middle of the country is a weird feeling. Hell I wouldn't even consider that lemon on 3 donuts and a flat tire a taxi but it still feels like I almost tainted this country lifestyle with cityfolk activities.

I ALMOST feel bad about showing up like this; was suppose to be back over a week ago but the funeral I was at was full of widowed old ladies that needed someone to fill the void their late husbands left and I'll just say this… If I weren't a gentlemen I would've stayed and floated between those ol wasps until each one croaked and lived the highlife.

It's crazy the amount of love those hags still have left to pinch into someone's cheeks. All those wholesome grannies out there that just wanna fatten someone else up until their heart literally explodes, and in the meantime have you do there chores and housework for pay that they insist you take and it's always wayyy more than you would've felt decent even considering…

I do feel awful about just leaving them all there but I tried to make sure they were all caught up and able to make it til whoever else croaks and has me on a greyhound back that way- well now that I'm on all their sweet sides It'll likely be at least Coach on spirit airlines from here on.

This drive way is longer than they described and I'm glad, the longer the drive way the less likely you'll have to chase some stranger down it.

I'm finding myself imagining what fucked up stuff we could place along this just in case some motherfucker tries coming through here.

Obviously a gate up front followed by a tire spiking strip that we, in our cars, can just attach a big rug to some rope for when we wanna leave.

I always liked the idea of there being 3 pathways and this driveway already has 2, shit!

There's two paths and those dickheads didn't tell me which one! I always, always choose the middle but there ain't no gotdamn middle when there's only two options!

Anyways, when there's 3 options 1 option leads either to the exit or to a pond and you don't get no warning.

The other 2 lead to the actual stuff like the house and the barn.

Along each trail we can put that this way leads to the barn, even though it's the one that leads to the house. GOTTA keep folk on their toes.

This place is gonna be somethin else tryina maintain during the summer. Might have to buzz my hair and see what color the sun turns it after months of yard work.

The driveway came to an end and it turns out the direction taken was not the one that brings you to the front door.

The driveway came to an end and it turns out the direction taken was not the one that brings you to the front door.that brings you to the front door.

“SONOFaBitch” I can either turn around with all this luggage and nighttime bugs just droolin for me to do so, or I could just lug it across this damn field and hope none of them forever puddles exist…

Before he could think of the best option, a moaning noise that was either some random in heat animal OR something letting out a few last death rattles and whatever got them is coming up to get luggage carrying fella right about now.

“Welt that answered it for me” tossed my luggage at the noise and I for sure hit it somewhere because the noise echoed off my stuff as it flew toward it and once it landed the noise stuttered…

I wasn't too far ahead when that noise changed and seemingly done went through puberty by time I lost my first shoe to some mud.

Back Porch 4 or so minutes after abandoning the luggage and a shoe:

“You sonzafuckingWhores- You AHhghh" he continued tripping and landing on every joint to protect the squishy parts.

Fin and Austin both looked out from the deck trying to make out whatever the hell was going on.

Fin exhaled the smoke he was trying to keep in and started coughing out of every hole except his ass.

“Dude shut the fuck up!” Fin tried and Austin started slapping him on every slappable body part until he finally did shut the fuck up.

Fin: “you can't even see out that far why the fuck was that even necessary?”

Austin: “Maybe if you turned off all these bug zappers and fog lights and whatever the fuck else you can't just replace with a night light come bedtime”

Fin wanted to prove this wasn't what's causing the distorted view and when he flipped the switch all the power went out.

Austin: “Oh very nice you're-"

They both stopped as they heard the angry narration get closer

“Mother of all tits why the hell would there be a random gravel and glass pit inbetw- Oh hell fucking guys let's just have a pile of fucking bones right after that incase we need those for some witchish shenanigans”

After climbing over the bones, he felt a bit of rain come down but noticed it was different. It burned the cuts on his hands and his eyes.

A giant explosion of this liquid bursted in patterns of 2, eventually, hitting him in his balls so hard he actually started throwing up.

The dry heaves were genuine and he just sped up his route he was taking a straight away toward the backdoor and since the lights are all out he planned to literally go straight over, under, through whatever came up.

The dry heaves kept coming and the pain was severe enough that he thought he may actually have blood pissing maybe even pouring out of his dick.

The smell from the little explosions he's now deeming to be water balloons full of both of his soon to be roommates piss

“I SWEAR… (dry heaves) to Cow and the farmer that raised it.. This (dry heave) better not be fueled by a lack of indoor plumbing! IF I HAVE TO shit outdoors it's going... it's going to be into one or both of your mouths while the other sprays my taint from behind with my super soaker-” He immediately was greeted with that super soaker to his eyes and mouth.

“YOU GUYs both think this is funny but I guarantee you're the ones telling me I'm overreacting when I" he rattles off the list of his morbid plans.

He finally makes it to the back porch and they were just about out of ammo.

"Welcome Home"

Andrew Dice Clay looking mother fucker is in it deep with the wrong people.

He loses another hand and half his stack of chips it took him days to build up.

He grabs his chest and stumbles outside to a very empty street.

Collapses

____ rushes over after wandering what it's like to pass out face down in a gutter during the PEAK of many hallucinogens kicking in at once.

He tries helping the downed sack of potatoes and doesn't recognize the 3 Mob Jockeys coming for their Stpud.

The downed fella grunts "Don't let them take me, please" and the tripping ____ is pulled off him.

"Check his pulse"

____"He's dead."

"Check again"

____"He'll still be fucking dead!"

"Alright smart guy, maybe he is. Maybe you did it. You announce em dead, you take over his responsibility"

The 2 minions take the signal and grab the fella whose now got a calm excitement about him.

All the times _____ tripped balls before this he wasted them, couldn't put his heightened senses to the test and left the journeys feeling it was time wasted.

They approached the entry of the building & the automatically opening door only go about 45 degrees before locking out.

The 2 minions turn him and he looks over to the potato sack of heart attack that's dusting himself off and waving goodbye to him right as a foreign ambulance slams their breaks, hit him, and piles him in to the back before checking something off a clipboard.

The lights in the buildings entries were flickering but something got them all to work in a moment and their bright florescents made shutting his eyes feel like the proper thing to do.