Joyride Of Misery
The moments of innocence I loved having with you, are nothing more than dreaded memories now. The little things that we did together, the songs we'd recommend and talk about, the gossip, the mutual friendships we shared are still here, everything is still here; what isn't is you. You aren't here anymore. Your absence haunts me. The constant reminders of your absence drag me back to the good times we spent together, which I now fear more than I once thought I would cherish, ripping apart my resilience.
When you left, you took with you a part of me. A part of me still resides within you, and the hollow it created still aches. No matter how hard I try to forget, the very pain that I want to avoid reminds me of you, all the hurt, all the heart-ache you left me to suffer with. You're the part of me that I don't want to live with anymore, like a parasite that feeds off of me, making me drown in my own failure to get rid of your memories.
You must be wondering, its the same old love and hurt rants from yet another boy. That must have become a constant part of your life annoying you down to your bones, no? Why shouldn't it be so, you're so beautiful after all. So elegant, as if God granted you the power to wound Gladiators with a single look in the eye and a smile on that dime of a face! Apart from the quicksand of your blinding aesthetics, what I fell for was the honesty and innocence and sincerity that you once showed me. Being one of the dumbest kids at school, when no one actually cared but all they did was make fun of me, it was you that stood by my side. I, for one loved you and respected you from the core of my existence. I smiled like an idiot just at the thought of you. You being nice to me at a time when most people were cruel bullies from the slightest to the meanest of ways, made me fall for you flat on my face.
I went from having thought "there's no such thing as true love" to wondering "my life seems pointless without you" and then back to accepting "there's no such thing as true love"! It bewilders me that why did God put me through all of this, only to get me back to the point where I started! This was a journey, a short-lived joyride perhaps, the destination of which was only my former unconfident and lonely self.