float

Sometimes I wish my body was empty

Light like a baby bird's

I wish I could float across the snow

An angel shivering in white

To have small mountains rise on my skin

Feel cold in a warm room

For my shoulders to resemble peach fuzz

And my nails to be forever painted blue

Sounds beautiful...a beautiful lie.

The truth is chunks of hair falling out

Busted knuckles

The taste of acid in your mouth

It's dizzy spells

And a constant calculator

Failing organs

And concave spaces between your ribs

Sunken eyes with bruised rings

The truth is death.

It's not bubblegum lips

Or sharp tongued words

It's lonely nights

And stomach cramps

Hunching naked over a toilet with your arms wrapped around your waist like a venomous hug

The smell of vomit shouldn't be your perfume

Your slit skin shouldn't be an accessory

This illness isn't a friend

It's a nightmare.

So.

Wake up.