I Loved Her

  One day, I happened upon a small girl crying. Just curled up on the sidewalk, shoulders heaving with her sobs.

As I crouched down next to her, she turned her face toward me. Her eyes were filled with pain. Two bruises had made a home on her face. One on the cheek, the other resided around her eye. Tears had dirtied her face and darkened the cement she lay on.

"Who did this?"

No answer. Her eyes lowered toward the dark gray cement.

"Ok, I'm going to ask you some questions, and you can just nod or shake. Does that sound okay?"

A small nod.

"Did other kids do this?"

No.

"It was an adult?"

Yes.

"Was it a man or woman?"

No response.

"It was a man and a woman?"

A nod.

"Do you know these people?"

Yes.

A man and a woman. She knows who they are. There was no need to ask, I knew who they were at this point.

"It hurts, doesn't it?"

A whimper with a nod.

"How long has this been going on?"

"For three years", she sputtered.

Three years, and she didn't look any older than ten. Since she was around six or seven, those things have only ever hurt this child. A lump grew in my throat. I needed to do something, but what could I do? I couldn't report it to the police, they won't do a thing unless they are presented with physical evidence. She can't run, she would have no idea what to do. I can't just step into her home to confront her parents. How do I protect her from any future harm?

"Do you want this pain to stop?"

"Y-yes"

"Okay. Come with me."

I held out a hand. She grabbed it, got up, and we started walking. We kept walking even after we were far from her neighborhood. We struck up conversation when we hit the middle of town. Her name was Natalia. She told me about her school and her friends. She liked art and told me about all the class art contests she won. She had a lot of stories to tell me about her cat she named Mouse. She was the sweetest child I have ever met.

Toward the outskirts of town, I decided to stop at the ice cream shop and get her some ice cream. I ordered her a rather large sundae. She thanked me profusely. My stomach knotted up.

We walked out to the forest outside of the city. A full moon lit the path for us. I guided her past trees, bushes, rocks, and streams. The crickets accompanied us with their music-like chirps.

Eventually, I decided to stop. "I guess this is far enough."

"Where are we going?"

My throat dried up, the forest started spinning, and tears welled up in my eyes. I knelt on the damp ground, and lost it.

"I-I'm sorry..." I whispered in between sobs.

"What?" She came over and crouched next to me.

"I promise, it will only last a second, then it will all be over."

"What are you talking about?"

I pulled her into my arms and embraced her.

"Please forgive me, Natalia. I love you."

I pulled a gun from my coat and dealt a lethal shot. The sound echoed through the woods, bouncing off of every tree, bush, and rock. The crickets stopped their music. She went limp immediately. Her warm blood soaked onto my shoulder.

"It is done", I told myself, "It's okay now. She's safe from harm. Never again will she have to endure pain."

All night I dug her grave with my bare hands. I worked through the roots and rocks until finally, she had a proper grave. Gently, I laid her down at the bottom, careful so that her hair wouldn't get tangled on the roots. Before burying her, I looked down at her for the last time. She peacefully lay there. The moonlight gave the streaks of blood in her hair an interesting, luminous color. She was beautiful.

I finished covering her with the earth, and set stones over the top of her final resting place. Tears once again flowed down my cheeks.

"I'm sorry."

Tell me that I was wrong. Call me the monster. What would you have done? You would have kept her alive, right? You would have tried in vain to fix the problems that fate had given her. They would have placed her with a new family, and that family would try to love her as she would push them away out of fear. She would run. She would live her life with unshaken belief that nobody could ever love her. Then grow up cold and bitter.

Can't you see? Her life would be in constant, excruciating pain. And one day, she would have had enough. She would lift a gun to her head – swallow a few pills – jump off a building or bridge – wrap a rope around her neck. The ending would still be the same.

I did not kill Natalia. I freed her from a cage. One she had been trapped in for far too long. To keep her alive would be to transport her from one cage to the next, each cage worse than the other. I couldn't let that happen to her. I can't let that happen to anyone.