Feel My Pain

I can talk about your death like it just happened yesterday. I have a vivid memory of April 6. 

I remember perfectly the words of that lady who said in her calmest voice that you are gone.

That day, death had a different meaning.

I knew that it wouldnʼt just be the absence of you.  

I wasnʼt able to mourn.

I was able to hold it until the coast was clear. 

You raised me well. 

You knew that one day this will happen.

Thatʼs why you taught me what you did.

Although often, in the hardest way. 

I wasnʼt there when you left and I hated that. 

But whenever I think of the peace and joy that you are experiencing now, Iʼm consoled. 

I love you. I always have and always will. 

I canʼt find the words to say I miss you. 

It makes sense because I wasnʼt able to say goodbye after all. 

I think about you all the time. 

And Papa, thank you for teaching me that song. 

After 29 years, I realized why 'twas your favorite.

Now each time I go home. I will recall the famous line from Green Green Grass of Home..

“The old hometown looks the same as I step down from the train. And there to meet me is my Mama and…” 

Although it will never be the same without you PAPA.