Act V - how does it feel?

this feeling inside of me,

it's festering and pestering,

it's foreign,

alien,

unpleasant.

i feel it whenever you talk about...

her,

about how she hasn't talked to you,

or about how she's been gone.

that feeling just rushed through me,

like an arrow racing to its target.

i sit there,

stewing in my thoughts...

what about me?

what happened to us?

i miss us.

i miss you.

i miss you a lot.

i hate this feeling.

i hate more than anything.

not longing.

but the feeling of someone adoring another,

that moment when you realize they maybe don't care anymore,

but...

you're the one seeking me out,

you're the one wanting to talk.

and every. single. time.

i somehow pick up my phone,

and reply,

even if i tell myself to not.

although,

it seems like you forgot.

you forgot us.

you seem like you erased the notion that i cared for you.

which sucks,

because i still freaking do.

I still love you.

and i think...

the only thing that's keeping me from not letting go of you,

is the hope that you still care.

you probably don't,

maybe.

maybe you never really loved me in the first place,

and you were never truly mine in the first place,

and i wasn't yours either...

but it's the way you talks about her,

i want to know,

"how does it feel to be adored by him?"

i would like to know again...

i would like to feel that again.

did i really throw away my shot?

either way,

i'm stuck searching for answer,

that will either destroy,

build me back up,

or leave me scattered.

and yes,

i feel j e a l o u s.