Blood Begrudge
Ms. Four,
I never knew true and deep envy until we became family. We’re 4 years apart in age, but for some reason you see competition in me. Everything that I touch in life, you want. And you’ve had everything of mines that you wanted, that was within your grasp. Like my Air Force One’s. I bought mine first, and never even knew you owned a pair until I noticed that mines looked different one day. I rarely wore my coke white’s, so when I came home and saw that mine were replaced with a very dingy, highly worn pair, I went searching.
I went straight to your bedroom because everything in my gut told me, you were the culprit. Plus, I had to wake you up out of your sleep when I saw you wearing my favorite shirt, just weeks prior. I grabbed what belonged to me then, leaving you to your beauty sleep. That was my favorite shirt blood.
I found my shoes in your room. To prevent you from playing the switcheroo with my things again, I took both your well-worn pair, with my pair, and tossed them in the field behind our house. I remember the day you went looking for your (actually mine), pair of shoes. You hooted and hollered about the house accusing someone of stealing your shoes. Imagine that! I sat in the living room watching you lose your cool, and I thought, “That’s how I feel!”. Please forgive me for not speaking up and owning my shit, by admitting what I’d did. I hope you can understand my reasoning though, as well as the irony that I must have felt knowing that the shoes you were claiming to be stolen, were the very shoes that you stole from me, in exchange of yours. I wonder if you ever suspected me?
I was royally pissed when I found my boyfriend’s home phone number in your phone book. I learned that you were accepting his collect jail calls, on our house phone, taking messages for him, and relaying information. You were 14 years old, he was 19. You had NO right; NO business interacting with that man. But you know Sis, you sure taught me a lesson that day. Females can’t be trusted around my man. Not female family, or female friends. Cold world, but thank you for the lesson.
Then, at about 21 years of age, I popped up at Mom’s house, and saw you with your boyfriend. The same boyfriend who fought me when we were kids because I didn’t want to be his girlfriend. As I sat in Mom’s living room that day, watching you braid that boy’s hair, I couldn’t help but wonder:
- Does he beat her, like he beat me up all those years ago.?
- Does she remember the day he beat me up, while she stood there and watched?
- Does he remember that day?
When I left mom’s house, you sent me a text message that your boyfriend just told you, he had a crush on me when we were kids. I cannot remember what my response was back then, but I’m sure it was probably close too, “Lol. Wow, he told you that?”
If I were in your shoes that day, I’d have felt like shit. I would’ve wondered if he wasn’t with me because of his crush on my sister. But hey that’s me, you’re you. For sure though, I would have left his ass.
Today, I hear you are involved with another of my ex male friends. I heard, very shortly after he and I stopped talking, he began talking to you. How do I know? He told me because I asked him.
What you didn’t know is, he let me know you’d reached out to him via Social Media, shortly after that day that you and I talked, realizing we both knew him. At the time, you’d just had a child with your boyfriend, whom you were still in a relationship with.
When my male friend told me about y’all, I felt sympathy for both of y’all.
A little female advice: Be better that a man’s last resort or second best. Otherwise you may find that you were nothing more than vengeance, meant to hurt me. You’re better than that. At least you should be.
I forgive you Sis, for everything. I Love You
Be Easy,
Peace
J. T