Fuck the Zombies, Get me a Dentist Appointment
Alright, I didnt really look after my teeth pre-Zombie Apocalypse but I swear to dead and gone Christ on high, I will bite the limbs off the first smart arse Zombie that gets in my way.
Options are in no sane order, Samurai Sword. Face Shield. Motorbike. Large fast vehicle. Pain Killers. A non Zombie fucked Dentist. A Luger, for no good reason. One of those Garden Netted Trampolines that blow the fuck away on Youtube and waste everyones precious nonZombie Time. A tattoo that say 'Brush Teeth before and after Zombie Apocalypse'. A telescope. Astronomical. Move to an Observatory. Set fire to Observatory as a distraction from Tooth Ache. Find Combine Harvester to plow full speed sheding Zombie Meat and Metal parts. All vehicles must be destroyed. Tested to Destruction. An old steam Tractor thats just fast enough to Keep slow Zombies on the carrot donkey tread mill. Suicidal levels of agony. from all teeth. Allow Zombies to eat you just to escape. Hand feed them yer gums and teeth. Crush Jaw in school workshop vice whilst listening to Inner City Pish jungle channel.
Head straight for department of roads, take Snow Plow Grit Truck. Fill with Dentists and mulch zombie streets with unavailable Dentist Chum.
Train 78 008 Border Collies to Round up the Zombies and shepherd them all the fuck into one City refuse Incinerator. Skateboard into nearest nuclear facility and go for a swim. Buy toothpaste.
Receptionist is not answrring the phone. I dont give a shit if shes half eaten, eyeballs blazing and scowling for patient gum meat.
I rehearse the line ' I have toothache. Understand. Ill be right over, rubberneck '.
No answer.