The end and my beginning

I had a daughter..have a daughter. Who gives a flying fuck it's just words.

Times change and a father should protect his children from harm. I am a miserable failure in this way. The first failure was my marriage. My family. If I were closer to her then I could have done something to stop this. All this..madness that is happening..

I can hear her voice..I mean I was delusional before it all happened. I heard whispers telling me to wake up. Telling me I was asleep and I needed to wake up. I should have listened then. I heard my brother back then, calling, not from beyond a grave but from a different reality, one where he hadn't put that bag over his head. That was hard to ignore.

The world felt strange to me back then but at least it was realistic. What the hell am I supposed to believe? That I am in a coma and I need to wake up or this? Dead. Living. It is all a blur now. I have tried many times to believe it but I can hear my little girl calling. 

Please be real. Don't make this be a delusion. This is too cruel to do to a man. To promise him his family restored. Fuck the dead. Fuck this...thing! Let me live in a new life.. no an old life! Let these pages be a memory from a sick mans dreams and let me wake up! Please! Don't let this be the end of me before I can see them again!!!

Let me wake up!