Get out of My Head!

When am I ever going to get this boy out of my head??? I have more pressing matters to think about than Reggie Earl Thomas. But what can I say? He's amazing. Seriously, everything I find out about him makes me like him more and more, and it's driving me crazy! The chances of the first guy I ever really liked being the last are slim, and he probably doesn't like me anyway. Besides, I'm only sixteen! Everything about it it illogical, but my brain can't seem to convince my heart to let go. I hate being a teenage girl! I mean, really! He's got blonde hair, blue eyes, and all the girls like him. He's exactly the kind of guy I was certain I would never like. 

But he seems to have such a kind heart, and he's bold and seems to have exactly the kind of character I would look for if I was looking for a husband. But I'm not! And I really wish he would get out of my head. I can't think clearly when he's around, and I can't think about anything else when he's not. That's frustrating! I respect him. I admire him. I aspire to be like him in many ways. The only bad thing I can say about him is that he won't stay out of my head, and that's not his fault. 

The first thing Dad said when he saw him was, "Well there's someone who thinks he's God's gift to the world. He just drips arrogance." Dad didn't know who he was. He's usually right about that kind of thing. It scares me because I feel so blinded. What if he really is an arrogant jerk, and I just can't see it? I don't see how he could be, but that's the thing about being blinded. You don't know what you can't see. 

But when there was someone sitting alone, Reggie would go talk to them. At the dance, he danced with the people no one else danced with. I never heard him say anything bad about anyone. He is always willing to help if anyone needs a hand. When I was just going to walk past him at the dance, he stopped me to say goodbye and compliment my singing, of all things, and then found a way to cover up my awkwardness when I stood there with my mouth open trying to figure out what to say. He's good at a lot of things, but he doesn't let it go to his head. He's still super kind to everyone. I remember the look on his face when a girl hurt her leg years ago. He was truly concerned and was doing everything he could to help. He cares about everyone. And as much as I wish it wasn't true, I deeply care about him.

He inspires me. When I'm around him, I just want to be a better person. That's something I don't see in anyone else who is even close to my age. I'm hopeless. I can't even be frustrated long enough to write this. Reggie is just such a kind, caring person who is doing his best to live a good life. How can I possibly not like that? 

I know I'm just setting myself up for heartbreak, but I don't know how to stop. I was that girl who loved horses, not boys. I wasn't going to be like the other girls. I wasn't going to fall in love. To even call it that sounds stupid. I'm only sixteen! What do I know about love? I've become exactly the girl I always laughed at.

Eighteen. That's when I decided I'd allow myself to kind of like someone. I knew it would happen at some point. But not before eighteen. Boy was I wrong. Why did I have to be wrong? Why can't I focus on other things? I can't even bring myself to blame Reggie. It's this stupid heart of mine. I can't be mad at him; I'm only frustrated with myself. He'll never understand all of this, and that makes me incredibly sad. It's so stupid. I just need to let him go and focus elsewhere. That's a whole lot easier said than done though. 

I've been lying. I don't wish I could get him out of my head. I wish I was eighteen, and he liked me the way I like him. That's what happens when you're a teenage girl.