Sick fatigue.

I was supposed start a new job on Monday. I kept seeing this guy kissing her, touching her, her allowing it. I kept seeing her walking across the grass toward me, her long hair shiny in the light, a hole in her jeans just over her knee. I stayed up all night vomiting yellow nerve acid.

I borrowed the car and drove toward my sister’s. It was a different kind of tired, this sick fatigue I had never felt. The earth was not solid. It existed in waves. Every fixture was a sign of grief. Every animal, every walker and driver took on postures of liquid. My stomach was on cold fire. My heart had split and stretched out to a dripping string, wrapping my ribs and spine together to where they bowed in the middle. What I saw next was pure insanity, a gift from the devil himself.

At a red light I saw a sign that read UNIVERSAL WASH. Under it was this creep leaning into Helena's car and kissing her. She was laughing. I went into shock. The heartstring tightened and everything snapped at once. The odds of me seeing that were impossible. The cosmic assholes above reached down and wriggled a slimy finger in my ear. A car honked behind me and I turned around right there in the intersection, nearly caused an accident, and flew back to my room.

I counted my money: $216.00. I packed a small backpack and got on my bike. I pedaled east across the state until it was pitch black and I collapsed from fatigue.

I woke up just outside of Mesa. I called my brother and he drove out. I asked him to pick up my things and take them to my sister’s. I gave him my house key and told him to take the bike. After he loaded it I had him drop me off at an on-ramp by the freeway. I stuck my thumb out. After an hour a jeep with Iowa plates stopped. The guy was an older neo-surfer type. He asked me where I was headed. I told him I was going to Iowa.