all the things (no regrets?)

she thought about all the things that could have been. she could have gone to university, gotten a job, had a boyfriend who was smart and good looking and gotten married by the time she was thirty. that had been so long ago, it seemed like a lifetime had passed.

it wasn't like that. she was thirty-five years into her life, a cigarette dangling between her lips, ash dropping into her lap as she stared blankly at the canvas in front of her. blankness, whiteness, nothingness. a cruel reflection of her life right now, because she had nothing to show for except the emptiness that she lived in.

they said, don't live life with regret. they said, don't do what you don't want to. they said, it's better to do what your heart beats for. they said, they said; all that they said turned out to be lies, misleading children down winding roads towards disappointments and disillusionments.

she opened her mouth, the cigarette fell to the floor, and she could only watch as the burning tip charred the floor black. there goes half of a cigarette, still half-full with nicotine, but wasted on the floor because of her deciding to open her mouth and let it go.

she's no better than a cigarette, she thought. at least it left a black mark on the pristine white floor.