White Cop, Black Kid

the world.

is a scary place.

full of trucks and trains and people and airplanes and people and criminals and people and strangers and people and people that are criminals and strange people and...

sometimes !

you need to talk to these people.

communicate.

there is a whole world out there full of accecsabitities in some multiple of footsteps and for some reason i cant make it out of my front door.

thats what anxiety does.

as much as i hate talking i cant stand being silent.

too bad in this country the second you SPEAK UP you are told to SHUT UP.

so sad that the land of the "free" isnt so free after all.

they say we have abolished slavery, but what they dont tell you is.. we are blinded.

not only blinded to what the government is keeping from us.. but blinded from ourselves.

i am living with anxiety and there is no other way to put it.

IM TERRIFIED.

of everything.

and the fact that i'm living in a place that sees SUICIDE as a fashion statement isnt so comforting.

murder and riots are now okay. PEOPLE ARE DYING.

the white cop shot the black kid and you may get OFFENDED by this but this is WRONG.

it's all WRONG.

someone needed to say it.

they wonder why im so scared.

why im so anxious.

anxiety..

is painful.

It feels like.. there is a monster inside of your chest.

monsters inc is built inside of my heart and every single day the scares go up.

one of the monsters escaped from my heart and is now trying to escape it's way through my esophagus with its long claws and it scaled skin is getting lodged inside my windpipe and i cant breath without being reminded of its presence.

i wont let it escape. i wont.

so it finds his way out through chewed finger nails and and worried glances because i think everyone can see me eating the inside of my cheeks. biting on my bottom lips and toying with my sleeves.

im. ANXIOUS.

a man with qualifications of ONLY being a host of a reality tv show is going to be our president and all people can focus on is how the white cop shot the black kid?

the white cop shot the black kid.

and we have to worry about who are we going to offended next because not everyone has the popular opinion.

i dont want to be scared anymore..

but how can i not.

when.. if i post a picture of myself on the internet, someone may comment:

youre too skinny.

youre too fat.

youre too pretty.

youre too ugly.

why does someone have to be TOO much of anything.

why do they HAVE to BE "something"

why dont you say they are "someone"

a person is nothing other than a person.

im not saying that if you "dont have anything nice to say, dont say anything at all."

because that QUOTATION IS THE EXACT FLAW WITH THIS NATION.

We are told to speak up but as soon as we speak up we are told to shut up.

told to shut up.

how dare you.. be proud of such a nation.

you cant tell me that i shouldn't be "anxious" that "anxiety" is "only in my head"

i cant be the only one that sees this..

im not the only one with white noise blaring in between my ears and i KNOW i an not the only one that is drowning in the static and suffocating under the water you call "pressure" im not the only one screaming for help but nobody can here me simply because...

i was told to shut up.