To my best friend
My psyche is a manifesto
Of a million little things
An open manuscript full of
All the times I've been told "I love you"
But also of all the times I've been told
"You are worthless"
It contains a million happy songs
But for every nice song, there is a sad one
Or two
Across its pages it it written
"This is girl is strong"
"This girl is funny"
"This girl is important"
But all that's in a cursive script which is oh so small
And powerless
Compared to these thick black letters stamped in my head by an iron hand
"Worthless"
"Die bitch"
"You failed"
"You are a failure"
You see, the human mind goes to the biggest words first
The words which those we trusted forced upon us with inexorable power
But it is so naive to say size is power
Because has you seen the little girl with the heart of flowers? A single kind word and smile from her can make you want to live again
Because have you seen the dog at your feet?
Small but meaning the world
Why should I think size is what matters?
Those words in my head are wrong
Because that girl of flowers wrote so gently on those creamy pages
A pen of lilac and green
Saying she loves me
Saying she cares
Saying I matter
Saying I am loved