Gaslight Extortion

It started off small, it started off subtle;

My silly girl brain started giving me trouble.

I didn't know I was under attack;

My thoughts coerced, my brain hijacked.

Maybe the first time he called me confused;

I often get mixed up, I never can choose.

Firmly convinced, he spoke with certainty,

I replayed the moment, I recalled it earnestly.

It wasn't important, it was not worth a fight.

And so I backed down, though sure I was right.

He snapped his annoyance, "Why'd you make a big deal?"

His intent to influence the way that I'd feel.

My opinion invalid, my feelings dismissed;

My rage was a punchline - my panties a'twist.

Maybe the first time I refused to back down;

Shock at my insolence shown in his frown.

Armed only with words, he came guns ablaze.

The heat of his temper burned under his gaze.

His anger was larger than what I expected;

The fear from my violent life resurrected.

Kisses like fists from cruel, vicious men,

Daddy's Girl put in her place again.

I'm cowering, terrified, he knows he's won.

He snorts in disgust and stomps off like he's done.

"It's very insulting, how you act all afraid!"

Indignant, offended, like he'd been betrayed.

The tables have turned, his ploy is effective,

The loudest one wins when the anger's subjective.

"I'm sorry, I'm wrong," I'm first to cave.

His voice is winter, it's December's last grave.

"Shut your whore mouth, you fat, stupid twat."

His fists are clenching, his temper's been caught.

I'm in the corner, like when I was ten,

A different man's slamming the door again.

I walk on eggshells, light as a mouse;

Cautious, I tiptoe through my own house.

I'm making dinner like a good little wife;

6 PM life check with a kitchen knife.

I can bleed, therefore I must exist;

My kids play too, forced to enlist.

He takes silent treatment above and beyond;

Four days ignored, he still won't respond.

His body language is making me nervous.

"Bring that mouth here." He wants lip service.

Deep in my throat, he shoves his lesson;

I swallow the consequence of my digression.

He smiles a bit, my heart takes a leap

"Baby, I'm sorry!" I've started to weep.

My home is brighter when cleared of tension;

My original issue must never be mentioned.

The kids are laughing in shared relief,

I'm weighing the cost of keeping the peace.

I'm finally learning to hold my tongue,

My daddy taught me when I was young.

Next time my man and I disagree,

I'll choose my words more carefully.

Maybe he's right that I misremember,

God knows, it's not worth waking his temper.

Yes, I blow things out of proportion.

Distorted memories, gaslight extortion.

I've got no reason to bitch or complain.

I'll follow the rules, it's my man's domain.

I sing praise to my husband who never hit,

I'm primed and ready, a malleable twit.

We're the perfect couple, we never fight.

I never argue cuz he's always right.

I've been baptized in his opinion,

My life is simpler under his dominion.

He's a master at manipulation.

The best control is indoctrination.

His mission's complete when free will's overthrown;

I don't own my words, my thoughts aren't my own.