An Audience With Henry

Scene: King Henry VIII is seated at a huge table within a tent. He is dining with various dignitaries and advisors, along with members of his Court. The tent is situated within a large grassy clearing within the grounds of Parliament. The year is 1520. Various militia of the period stand at arms around the Tent exterior and the Kings Colours are flying on banners hung as tapestries. The dinner is going well and the gathered dignitaries vie for Royal Favour when suddenly a blinding flash of light, followed by plumes of smoke herald your arrival within their midst. All at once silence pervades the gathering as you emerge from the smoke, coughing and blackened with soot.

Henry's Surgeon (open mouthed, and with Goose fat dripping from his mouth): Egad Sir, what sorcery is this?

Master At Arms (hesitant): Arrest this witch, guards, GUARDS!

At this point you are surrounded by Men At Arms who close in on you with varying expressions of bewilderment.

You (anxiously): Hi Guys, it's only me, I mean good day your Majesty I am pleased to.... (Your little speech is cut short as a thick set Guard grabs you by the throat, he is immensely strong)

Guard (aggressively): C'mere you little rogue.

Chancellor (very authoritarian, rises to his feet): What devilment is this? Explain yourself before His Majesty.

You (gagging for breath): It's cool man, just chill.

Chancellor: Cool Man? Chill? What do you mean, rogue, is it not hot in here?

Henry (rises to his feet, all eyes fall before him as he fixes you with a glare): What manner of intrusion is this? Speak vermin, before I have your head. On your knees before your King.

The Guard throws you violently to the floor, your face is pushed into the dirt as his boot presses hard upon your head.

You: Please I ugh,

Henry (gestures to the guard): Let him be, for now.

You stagger to your feet, shaken.

You: Your Mightyness, forgive my sudden appearance here but I am from the future. I came to take a selfie with you, with your er, royal permissioness!

Henry (confused, turns to his Chancellor): This man speaks some strange foreign tongue to wit I am not familiar.

Chancellor (eager to show Henry how efficient he is): Speak slowly you simpleton, while still His Majesty affords you time.

At this point you pull out your iPhone, and switch it on, the screen bursts into life and you start videoing as you speak.

You (panning and zooming as you talk): It's cool I promise, I just need to shoot the King.....

Master At Arms (throws himself between you and Henry and grabs the iPhone thinking it a weapon): Assassination, Assassination, no harm shall come to any person while I breath.

You are knocked to the ground as the Guard pummels you with such force, you black out momentarily.

Henry (Alarmed): Guard, what manner of thing is that you have? Show me it.

You come around, shaken, and by now covered in grime, excrement and goose fat. You slowly rise to your feet.

You (alarmed): It's just for YouTube Your Majesty.

Henry (puzzled): It is for my tube? (Is handed the iPhone, still shooting video): Egad what magik is this? (He shrieks and drops it to the table, everyone in the room dives for cover).

You seize your chance and reach for the iPhone, while simultaneously hitting the 'Return' switch hidden in your pocket. In a blinding flash, you return to your backyard, shaking, but unharmed.

Your girlfriend (amazed): Oh cool, you're back - did it work? Did you do it?

You (trembling, and giggling nervously): let's go inside. Wait 'til you see THIS.