Never Again

The churning of the ceiling fan was the noise I focused on while listening to the dialogue in my head. It was insufferably hot. I stunned a fly with my bandana and then let him go outside because I'd been on a recent bender about not killing stuff. Just a normal fly.

I wasn't going to let her do this to me again. I'd had enough. Pushing her way into my life and threatening me with crazy if I didn't let her stay. She was slowly separating me from everyone else; the gazelle to her lion. She wanted me to get mad at it. She wanted me to get violent. She'd gladly get knocked around for a turn in the driver's seat. I knew she was coming. Only a matter of time. I screamed the diatribe in my head that I would vomit in her face when she arrived. I felt nauseous at the coming exchange. I steeled myself for what was necessary. And it was necessary, this had to end.

When I opened the door the light streamed in through the sundress she had on and I could see she had worn nothing else. Her breasts and nipples made irresistible shapes under the thin cloth. She was damp from the walk over and the sweat on her chest made me feel weak. She hadn't spoke; watching my eyes take her in. She'd won. Again. Already again, she'd won without firing a shot. I felt sad at knowing my desire to fuck her right there would and had, taken any other fight from me. My libido hardly let the arguments creep in. They lay at the front door while she lead me away.