Easier To Stay

It was so cold.

But she had to go. She packed her things in the dark; reaching blindly for whatever felt important. Phone, brush, makeup bag, and a few random outfits selected based on how well they would fit in her backpack. Everything else he could have, or pawn. She really didn't care at this point.

The only noise in the room came from the rain beating against the windows and the soft sound of his snoring from the bed.

She pulled the zipper closed with a little too much enthusiasm and he grunted, flipping over onto his left side to face her.

His eyes were closed and his mouth was open; a lock of his long black hair hovering dangerously close to his mouth. She thought about reaching over and tucking it behind his ear, gently running her thumb over his cheekbone, pressing a soft kiss against his furrowed brow. But she did none of these things.

She clutched her backpack to her chest and stepped out into the rain; closing the door quietly behind her and sprinting across thier yard in an attempt to reach her car before she got soaked. She was unsuccessful.

She was only in the car for about 5 minutes before her phone dinged. She glanced down at the screen, already knowing who it was.

"Where'd you go?"

She thought about texting him back, asking him to come with, but she didn't.

The door to her apartment was jammed so she had to push with her shoulder; sending her stumbling for a few steps once she finally managed to get it open.

It was deathly quiet, the buzzing silence filling the tiny apartment like helium filling a balloon. It made her head feel tight, her thoughts so numerous they oozed out from her eyes. She hadn't gotten a computer or TV yet, so she turned on the microwave for 15 minutes to create some ambient noise while she got ready for work.

She went running later that night, through the residential areas near her apartment. She passed by his house, but kept up her pace. She didn't look to see, but she swore she heard him call after her.

"Where did you go!"

When she got home she made herself a fried egg, and ignored his texts.

'When are you coming back?'

She felt somewhat obligated to answer that one.

'I'm not.'

'You dont jog, since when do you jog??'

'I do a lot of things I didn't used to, people change.'

'But you just left, where did you go?'

'Places you couldn't go. I'm sorry.'

He tried calling her three times, she just watched her phone vibrate across the table and drew shapes in the remaining yolk on the plate with her fork.

'We were so good, is it really better being alone?'

She looked at her empty living room and felt tears rolling down her face before she knew she was crying. It wasn't better. It wasn't.

She spent the night back at his house; made scrambled eggs because that was his favorite, missed her run the next morning because he wanted to hold her longer, and she didn't need to go for a run so early anyway.

That night she went back to her apartment and laid on the carpet, staring up at the ceiling. She wanted to stare up at the stars, but it was raining again.

She had 6 unopened texts from him, but she couldn't bring herself to look. She thought about the way he held her, the way he laughed, the way he smirked when he knew she was right but wouldn't admit it.

Her phone dinged and she looked at the most recent text.

'Where did you go?'

'I'm just not there. I'm sorry.'

'Why are you mad?'

'I'm not.'

'I was waiting for you all day, where did you go? Where are you?'

'I just wanted to go home.'

'But its better over at my place, do you even have furniture'

She ran her hands through the carpet, thinking about the beanbag chair she had ordered this morning. She smiled, letting the silence buzz around her ears.

'No, but its mine.'