I can’t let it out.
I hide inside myself,
Disregarding even mental health.
I can't let it out,
I'm not really afraid of what you think,
It's me.
If I said it out loud, my heart would sink.
I would fall,
If I let it all out, and said it all.
I know you don't see,
Why I do this to me,
It's in my bones,
To sit with my thoughts alone.
I can't let it out,
The scars on my wrists,
You ask if it must come to this,
But really, there is no other way
I have no say, it controls me.
My pain.
My heart fills with despair,
I lost you here.
I slowly started to ignore you.
But you were getting to close, and
I can't let it out.
If I hide it inside,
and push you away,
Then I might live another day.
I bury the pain,
I try to forget the guilt and shame.
If I realize what I started,
It will all come back to me.
My feelings must stay deep inside,
Because I can't let them out.
They are mine,
And when the rain passes,
The sun might shine,
but until that day,
The clouds must cover the pain
And shield the heart from the prying eyes of others.