Dreams of a Mustache

She turned to me and said in disgust, "you look as though you were raised in a cave."

"Well, rest assured, dear, I was not." Can I help that I've been blessed with a thicket of wiry, untamed mane above my lip? No, I cannot. I do, however, think the absence of her face pressed against mine in affection has had profound effect on my being.

I've always wanted a mustache...