Serious Moment... and Feelings & stuff.

I consider myself somewhat funny.  Enough so, that I plan to try my hand at stand up this year sometime.  I love making people laugh.  There isn't as much laughter in today's crazy world.  I am truly convinced that if more people laughed, this world would be better for it.  After all, love may make the world go 'round, but it's the laughter that keeps us all from getting dizzy.

That being said, I do have moments where I need to stop and be serious.  I am a mess.  My life is a mess.  I moved away from home at the age of 17 and supported myself (more scraped by for myself than fully supported myself at times) ever since.  I was unable to go to college more than one semester after high school due to needing to work a few jobs or weird hours and pay bills.  Gradually, after hard work, I found what I thought might be a career for me.  Unfortunately, after five years, that came to an end.  I decided to go back to school (as seen in my previous post).  As my job was going down the drain, I found my life following in the same fashion.  I was in a terrible relationship with a person who was not very nice.  Those two big happenings in my life led me to here.  Looking for work, but that is proving to be unsuccessful.  (I'm going to be honest here and say that the lack of job offers really does surprise me.  I thought I would find work fairly quickly.)  I am doing well in school, thankfully.  Honors Institute, all As, 3.89 GPA.  That part of my life is awesome, sometimes a little on the difficult side, but overall I'm happy with school.  I'm starting to grow worried about bills.  What if I can't find a job?  I've gone through quite a bit of savings already to keep the bills up to date.  

Also, I've moved from my old place with my not so nice ex, out to the country where cost of living and life in general is less expensive.  That also means that most of my friends don't live close, nor do they keep in touch.  I sometimes feel very isolated and sad.  I'm generally a quirky, happy person.  Weird, too.  I like my Weird flag and fly it high!  So to be so melancholy at times bothers me more than it should.  I have a great life, a few great people in it, a good head on my shoulders, a roof over my head.  There are so many people out there who have had more troubles and deeper woes than I have, and I should not complain.  I know this.  But I do think, also, that letting it out is necessary at times.  You have to be able to breathe out, talk out, remove somehow that negative energy inside of you to be able to let the positive energy back in to take control.  I like this quote I read once.  It said "It's okay to have a breakdown sometimes, just don't stay there."  It's true.  We, as humans, have been conditioned to believe that having moments of doubt or moments of actual emotion means that we are weak.  I disagree, having emotion, showing that we ARE human?  That doesn't make people weak.  It makes them strong.  Strong enough to feel.  In a world so empty of feeling something, anything we need to learn that feeling is okay.  Feeling happy is great, feeling sad or angry, well that's human and it's great, too.  As long as we can understand how to process those feelings in a healthy way and not become destructive, we NEED those feelings.  This is why people are so angry in society today.  Anger is a reaction of being unable to process and understand what emotions you are actually feeling (typically sadness or fear of something).  Let's be human.

So, this post went an entirely different route than I thought it would.  But hey, writing from the heart here, scattered as though it seems.  May this post help someone in some way today.  It definitely helped me to write it.  :)