Why She’s Scared of Love

Gasping for oxygen and praying for life is something no one expects to go through. Pain so powerful that it blinds you for a couple of seconds, and in those seconds you wish for death. You want to die. Claire Saint did too, she wanted it all to end. She watched the pleading in her brown eyes in the bathroom mirror, but would then make contact with his brown eyes.

Jayden, the name that shook her to her core. All of the "I love you's", all of the apologies, all of the lies that would spew out of his mouth and then rot where they landed. Never was one good promise kept, but others involving beatings and verbal and emotional torture were. Claire's swollen black eye was flooded with tears as well as the other one which was in proper condition. Jayden twisted her wrist behind her back, all she could hear was "crack, crack, CRACK!" Claire screamed for someone to help. Instead, Jayden released her long brown hair and covered her mouth and said,

"I thought you were supposed to be clever, Saint. You're the best detective there is, right? Well how did you not anticipate me, you worthless bitch?!"

He was right, she didn't anticipate him. In fact, Claire loved him so much he thought his hate and beatings were apart of it. All of the times she let his bullshit slide made her livid. She hated herself for it, she felt so useless and stupid. All of these though swirled around her head, and she started to notice that it wasn't just her tears making her vision go or of focus.

It was also the cut off of her oxygen supply. Her wrist kept bending in ways it shouldn't, and she kept screaming into Jayden's hand. He loved doing this to her, he liked the rush he felt when he hurt her. It was sick and twisted, something happened to him to make him this way. Claire wasn't sure if she wanted to stick around and find out what it was.

"You know, I always enjoyed seeing the look on your face whenever you caught me cheating on you" Jayden hissed into Claire's ear. "But I enjoy doing this even more."

More tears came flooding into Claire's eyes, she began to panic even more. Her fidgeting turned even more violent as she tried to escape his grasp. Claire tried to get ahold of his jeans or his plaid shirt, to perhaps rip it enough for him to be distracted. For her to make her move towards the door of her apartment. Claire's heart pounded and begged with her to survive this.

"What do you think your doing you piece of shit?!" Jayden shouted and released Claire only to greet her with a punch square in the nose.

At that point, Claire couldn't feel anything anymore. Blood poured down her mouth and chin, creating a small puddle below her. Before Claire even had the time to collapse, Jayden snatched her by her already ripped black dress and white cardigan. He threw Claire onto cold, hard floor of her bathroom. Her head made a fast and painful impact with the bathtub, and by then she couldn't see clearly at all. Every sound became more and more distant the more and more her vision went dark.

Jayden huffed and caught his breath, and then started crying. "What have I done? Claire, I'm so sorry."

She felt a tug at her heart, she wanted to believe him so badly. Her mind fought against its reminding her of all of his broken promises. Of his unfaithfulness. Of his malicious intents.

He began to sob and covered his face with his hands. "I'm being bad, I know I am..."

Her heart pounded against her ribcage, she just wanted to be left there to die. He would become even more angry and do worse.

"Claire, I love you."

Those last three words echoed in her head as the world around her spun.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

She blacked out, left to bleed and die.

No, Claire's mind wandered, no you don't.