Exes and Ohs

Ex. You haunt me. I’m not sure if that’s because of the way you left, or the way you stayed. You keep me at the edge of my seat. I turn every corner, waiting and expecting to hear from you. But I never do.

Ex. You terrify me. I'm not sure if that's because of the way you affected me when you were here, or the way your leaving has affected me. You keep me on my toes. I am constantly waiting and watching, expecting you to show up when I least expect it.

Ex. You disappoint me. I'm not sure if that's simply because you left, or the fact that you promised you wouldn't. You had me going there, for a while. I was starting to trust that you'd always be there. But then you- you left.

Ex. You left me. I'm not sure if it's because I was too clingy, or because you have commitment issues. You left me. I'd never have left you. I would have kept you so close, because you were so close to me.

Oh. Oh...Perhaps, perhaps your leaving was the best thing to ever happen to me. Perhaps you leaving shaped me into a person that I never would have been with you at my side. Perhaps you leaving, gave me strength.

Oh. Did you know that I blamed myself for the longest time? Just look at this, I'm still blaming myself. But it was never my fault. I didn't do anything to you, I just loved and loved and now I lost.

Oh. You may have left, but you haven't let go. Perhaps it is that, or perhaps it is that I haven't let go. I still love you as deeply as I had before. That's a mistake. I still would take you back if you ever so much as turned to glance behind you. That's a mistake.

Perhaps all this was to teach me a lesson. Perhaps this letter is to teach you one. Who knows? Frankly, who cares anymore? It's in the past, and that's where I need to keep it.