“Don’t Lie” scene: The Visionary

We got up and tip-toed to the door, closing it silently. There was a full moon outside, and the stars looked amazing. I shivered a bit at the October chill. Ryan pressed up against me, and I smiled and put my arm around him. Closeness was something we had to ration, and now we couldn't get enough.

“Finally, somewhere where I don’t have to pretend to be someone I’m not,” Ryan said.

“I’m always pretending,” I shrugged. “I don’t even know who I am anymore. I remember all the things I felt when I was blind, and how different I was. But have I really changed at all? I still dream in darkness... the sounds, the feelings, they all come back.”

“You’ve always been perfect," he simpered, looking over at me  and smiling through the corner of his mouth. His eyes glittered in the dark. 

“That’s not true. Don’t lie.”

“You want me to tell the truth? Nothing but the truth?”

“Yes. I always do. You know I do.”

“Okay,” he said. “Okay, so I had an older brother who abused me.”

“Abused you?”

“Beat me up. I’d have black eyes coming to school and you didn’t see.”

I looked down at the ground. Ryan took a breath. 

“He joined the military three years ago, but the memory of him still haunts me,” he said. “He called me gay all the time. He knew I was. And I didn’t want to be.”

“I didn’t want to be either,” I said.

“David, I…” he shook his head, and his voice faded away.

“What?”

“I tried to kill myself,” he said.

My heart beat faster. “When?”

“The first time I tried, I was 13. I was loving you and I didn’t know you felt the same. I took 5 pain pills at once, which is a lot to me. When I was 14 I tried again, and I just couldn't...couldn't bear to live.” He was crying. 

There was a silence for a long time. I didn’t know what to say so I just didn’t talk. The stars glittered brighter and a chill ran through my skin.

“Are you okay now?” I said, after about 5 minutes of silence.

“Yeah,” he said, laughing a bit through the tears. “Yeah, I think I am.”

I looked up at the stars. “I think I am too.”