THE BULL MARKET
On Tuesday, I woke up 6:45, went to work at 8:00 to First Midwest Credit Union, where I sell insurance to small businesses. I went home at 5:00 to my one bedroom apartment and ordered a pizza. I had a migraine, so I took a sleeping pill and went to bed early.
On Wednesday I woke up and found myself doing calculus on my bathroom mirror. On my walk to work I first the time noticed the failing architecture of the bridge nearby… the cracking smiles of my neighbor’s next door. I stopped walking to work, went home and torrented countless books, from classic literature to world history, engineering, philosophy, and read them in one sitting.
A switch had flipped. For the first time I realized how dopey and foolish, emotion driven, I had been my whole life. With dispassion I ran back through all my major life events and analyzed my short comings, realized the better path. I called my parents sobbing and told them I loved them for the first time since grade school.
On Thursday I recruited three unpaid college interns off Craigslist, rented a nearby office space, and began investing in the world economy. By noon, I had manipulated the fall and rise of various global commodities through a series of semi-legal phone calls, deceptions, and out right lies.
By dinner I made my first million.
By sundown I made my first 10.
On Friday I bought, filled, and utilized the office space next door...
On Saturday I bought the building...
On Sunday, I gambled the world and lost.
--
“Why are you telling me you can’t?” I ask.
The man blinks, nervous. “I’m sorry? There’s no way-.”
“There IS a way, and if you’re telling me there isn’t, then you’re not the right person for this position. So, is there a way?” I step closer, slightly hover off my tip toes to further tower over him.
The man, his name might be Bryan, maybe Ted, stares down at his shoes. “There’s a way… I’ll get it done.”
My hand comes down hard on his shoulder, he jumps. “Of course there’s a way.” I smirk.
He looks up for just a moment, then back down. He wakes away like a timid dog.
“Let me or Jeff know if you can’t do it!” I chime at the back of his head.
I turn to Jeff, see him sweating as he normally does, possibly more. "Jeff, relax. You're going to look foolish for the Japanese if you keep sweating like that."
"This is, beyond relaxing. Do you understand the ramifications of what we're doing here? The entire global economy could drop to a point beyond repair. We could send whole continents into recession they wouldn't come back from for decades." Jeff's lip trembles.
For the first time in days, I hesitate.
"High risk, high reward... Do you want to be stuck playing penny stocks or be on the big boys team, where the real trading happens?" I prod him, literally. "No, I'm serious Jeff, stand up and answer me: do you want off this train?"
Jeff can't look me in the eye, he nods yes. "I do, but..."
"But what..."
"It's too late... it's just too late." Jeff whimpers, begins to tear up.
I watch stocks fluctuate wildly like roller coasters on the screens behind him. "Jesus Christ Jeff. You're crying like a baby..."
He doesn't move. The stocks rally downwards behind him, I begin to get angry.
"Please, leave. I have work to do." I push him out of the way.
"You're work's done. It's over. It's all over."
I watch as the stocks continue to rally downward. Not just my stocks, but all the world's.
"You're smartest guy I've ever met. And you just doomed us all."