Freshly Squeezed Spontaneity,
the glass is sweating. Beads of water make their descent to the table below. If I were to be level with the table I'd guess it'd be a sight to behold. So, I lower my cheek to rest on the table.
I follow an imaginary lane to the glass of lemonade. Surely enough, a mote of water has formed itself around the lemonade to protect the deliciously sweet substance - really though it's just damage to the table.
I reset to the moment by sitting up. The clock on my wrist is telling me two things - the time, and that I'm currently on time. I check my phone - nothing. This isn't too abnormal for 5:04 AM but still I check.
I stand up - flexing my sore legs - more stress means more running. Unfortunately for my quads and calves, yesterday was a fiercely stressful day. I brush my long hair into a ponytail.
Ice cubes clink as I fill my stainless steel cup with equal parts ice, chai latte and coconut milk. Lid on - I shake it all together - open - I take a slow, full sip. This taste is a reliable one. Clean, diverse, delicious and soon it will be energy. I grab my work bag and walk out of the door.
The beginning of my hour on the road is a slow one to say the least. Traffic hasn't begun yet but I still don't want to endure this day. I know what it is to come; phone calls, problems, emails, frustration, solutions, exhaustion, maybe some food here, water, coffee, phone calls problems, emails and so on.
I look at the signs as I pass my various checkpoints. I know the exit coming next - the city park.
Impulse grips the steering wheel in the stead of my hands, confidence exudes from me as I flip to signal my intention to cross towards the right. I maneuver through and make the exit. Decision settled.
---
I watch a father and daughter point at the fish in the pond and talk about them. I can't hear the explanations going on but I don't need to.
Sitting here on this bench, time has stopped. My chai long gone, only my thoughts and this place entertain me - this reality is the one I choose.
I know my "other" reality will resume itself just as soon as I take my buzzing phone out of my purse but, I don't care, so I leave it in there.
But then - I do? I take my phone out and make the one phone call I never mind making.
------
"Hey?" A sleepy voice that is heavily questioning why it was woken up at 7:17 AM. answers, filling my ear.
"If I drop a pin of where I am, will you come?" I use as much care as I can and balance it with some persuasion.
"Well, I have to work." I knew this answer was coming - unsatisfactory.I know what to do. This is a dance, and I have the shoes.
"If I drop a pin, WILL you come?" There's a longer pause, I can tell thinking is happening, a little confusion but mostly curiosity.
"Um, I mean, I guess so?" A small smile replaces my once solemn expression with this victory. With this ally I now feel I can ride my wave of spontaneity.
"Come prepared." I respond calmly. Already I can tell that could mean any number of things but it's a test that I hope will be passed. It's not something I have ever asked for.
"Okay."
---
I cough, it burns, I try my hardest to inhale and hold. I hear gentle laughter to my left.
"It's the good stuff" he says, with a smile that spreads to his bright, open eyes.
"I guess so, I wouldn't know better anyway so I'll take your word for it." He considers this and maybe something else too then waits for me to continue. I choose not to, letting the crunch of gravel under our shoes lead the moment.
The sun is out and we have a source of warmth and light to share between only us. We walk beside eachother, enjoying the company. Almost as if he is intentionally breaking the silence,
"You know my question so it doesn't quite seem worth saying, but, why?"
"I got up this morning and knew." I pause, a squirrel has distracted us both briefly from the path forward. "I just knew that the day I'd have at work wouldn't be meaningful. The only thing I was going to enjoy from the point of getting up to driving home nine hours later was that I indulged in lemonade for breakfast," I pause, this sounds crazy. Somehow though, in the moment, in the car, it seemed the most logical. How is that, "that can't be it. I know there is more! I have to go back to work tomorrow, sure, but what if this day is just for me?" He nods in understanding as I'd hoped he would.
"But this," he holds up the joint and gestures to the public park around us,"this isn't you." He takes a quick hit and then exhales intentionally. I watch his lips. He knows that I am watching, it's part of the experience.
"I know, but I figured since I was already skipping out on work why not really indulge?" He laughs now - and - its highly contagious.
Whether its the high or our usual banter I don't care. He catches my eyes and laughs harder in confirmation as he passes me the joint.
It feels good to walk here. The world is only what I choose to perceive.This morning will go on for years as I remember, misremember, reflect and look back upon it.
I weave my hands into his, something we have done so many times before. This time it's new though, the context has changed the both of us.
I look at him and smile. He's been watching me work my way to this resolution.
"Take me home, please?"