Chapter 15
On Steeve’s way to Mr Stolkr, Maggie flanked him, her face buried in her mobile; fingers frantically typing a text that must have been a dire message to the White House or Buckingham Palace about national security or something. It needed to be sent, stat! She joined his path with perfect precision without crashing into him, almost as if there were two parallel train tracks running towards Henry. She did all of this without looking up from her phone.
“Steeve,” was all she said, just enough to get his attention. Her body language told him that she was going to engage in further conversation just as soon as her eyes and hands were free.
“Oh, hello Maggie,” said Steeve, not daring to say more. He feared this woman and didn’t want to distract her with his monkey business. He was dealing with a serious business-type person. Powerful. Precise. Punctual. He, on the other hand, was simply a fraud with an amazing newfound gift, masquerading his way through life, which was hardly something to be proud of. The real world was still an intimidating place for him.
“Have you had a chance to work your magic?” she asked, glancing up just long enough to reveal a smile, the forced variety.
“Yes, I have. And I believe I have a solution to your pet peeve.”
Another smile. This one less forced. “Excellent,” she said.
The arrival at Henry also brought to an end Maggie’s mobile term paper.
“Henry,” said Maggie, “Steeve tells me he has found a solution to our problem. Isn’t that wonderful?”
“This should be rich,” thought Henry. “Oh great, can’t wait to hear it,” he said.
Steeve turned away from the pair of them and took a few slow steps in the opposite direction. His arms were crossed but his right hand was raised up at his face, stroking an imaginary beard. Maggie and Henry stood waiting for his assessment of the situation, and after a couple of seconds to properly conduct and prepare himself, Steeve opened the flood gates. He turned ninety-degrees, smacking his heels together as though he were in a marching drill, and simultaneously fired a finger in their direction and tilted his head back, slightly, his eyes bulging down the barrel of his nose. He wanted it to be dramatic.
“Guilty!” he yelled. “This man has violated the code of conduct for the proper care of captive marine wildlife in a gross … a gross manner!”
A gasp was heard coming from the jury – the kids from the field trip had entered the enclosure and were now standing nearby to witness proceedings. In Steeve’s head, these were his jurors. He continued with the marching drill but it was he who was doing the barking, not the instructor. Well, one could argue that was because there wasn’t one.
“My client,” he pressed on, “has expressed grave concerns over current working conditions. Serious concerns. Health and safety concerns!”
At this point, Henry and Margaret were too shocked to move, let alone say anything. They simply let Steeve continue without objection.
“Now … I cannot stress enough the gravity of any H&S concerns … concerns of supplying the correct facilities to accommodate my dear friend and client, Mr Barnaby, and maintaining said facilities to an immaculate standard.”
“Objection, Your Honour!” The defence had heard enough. OK, so it wasn’t actually “objection” – that’s what Steeve heard – in reality, it was, “Whoa, whoa, whoa!” and it was coming from the defendant himself, Mr Stolkr. Henry took a step forward. Steeve took a seat while his counterpart graced the floor to clarify his objection claim. He found a step, sat down, and waited, patiently seeking rebuttal opportunities.
“Now, Steeve, I’m not entirely sure what the hell you’re doing here but these facilities are of the best standard out there and, as for maintaining them, I do a damn fine job! If I didn’t, I’m sure Margaret would have fired me a long time ago.” He looked at Margaret for any sign that she agreed with him. It was somewhat pitiful, like a dog seeking praise for bringing back the stick. She didn’t say anything. She remained bemused at what she was witnessing.
Steeve decided to cut through the awkward silence. “Mr Stolkr, if I may?” he said while getting back to his feet.
Henry gestured in front of him, “the floor is yours,” and took a step back again.
Steeve continued. “As you may or may not know, pool water requires certain chemicals to stay clean and clear, crisp and sparkly. Is this not a fact, Mr Stolkr?”
“It is.”
“Super. And is it not also true that foreign chemicals and/or acids could be detrimental to a pool’s health?”
“Well, that depends on the chemicals.”
“OK, well let’s say that these chemicals or acids would never be used to keep a pool healthy, would you say then that introducing them to a clean pool would damage the integrity of the purified water in said pool?”
“Again, it would depend on the chemical, Steeve. Pools are exposed to many chemicals without actually becoming contaminated.”
“Very well. Mr Stolkr, would you agree that the following would need to read perfect scores if a pool were to be considered clean: Total Chlorine; PH level; Calcium Hardness; Free Chlorine; Total Alkalinity?”
“I would say yes, that’s correct.”
“I see. Mr Stolkr, would you expect my client to work in water which has been exposed to a vile substance?”
“Of course not! What are you getting at here, Steeve?”
“Stop pissing in the pool!”
The prosecution rested its case.
After another gasp from the “jury”, there was absolute silence. Not a word from any of them, Steeve included. It was a time of reflection for them all. Steeve was kicking himself for losing his cool; he figured he could have drawn that out a little more. “There’s always a next time,” he thought to himself, and made a mental note to practise in front of the mirror.
Henry was absolutely devastated. He had been embarrassed for the second time that day and wasn’t about to open his mouth again, not even to try and defend himself.