The “Burly” Booger

Author's Disclaimer:

This is a tale about an infection,

That was spread from cheek to cheek,

It is not a story for the weak-of-heart,

...Or those who are mild or meek,

*********************************

It was upon a prickly pimple,

Buried deep within a dimple,

That was the source of all the pain,

And the cause of so much shame,

It was only with great agony,

Where upon the cheek that pimple rested,

Squeezed and pressed out of shape,

Its bursting pressure tested,

Despite much effort and great toil,

The pimple festered to a boil,

That caused so much distress,

In all attempts to get it dressed,

This pimple caused another issue,

Along with much consternation,

That should be tended with a tissue,

Yet all efforts were repressed,

For buttered on that burly cheek,

Was a sight that seemed obscene,

A burly baby buggy booger,

A booger quite unclean,

The burly baby buggy booger,

A discharge of a different kind,

Escaping from an orifice,

From where the sun had never shined,

This burly baby buggy booger,

Had an aroma much the same,

Escaping from a cavity,

Whose description bears its name

Despite all efforts to control it,

That booger was the master,

Soon spreading to the other cheek,

It was growing larger faster,

Something really must be done,

As the horrible booger was spreading,

So the cheek was wrapped with a towel,

Upon which it was lightly treading,

Rushing to the hospital,

The situation out of hand,

Wheeled into the Emergency Room,

The physician soon took command,

He peeled that towel from that cheek,

Where for a short time it had rested,

The angry darkened flesh beneath,

Had their retching reflex tested,

Such a sight had never been seen,

To view it was very distressing,

That burly baby buggy booger,

There Belched a burp it was suppressing,

Hanging like a heavy cloud,

That odorous fragrance lingered,

Spraying mucus upward,

When pressed upon and fingered,

With a sound that made each listener dizzy,

And a stink that brings up bile,

Such a horrid, rank and filthy sound,

Leaves one stunned for quite a while,

With a worried look upon his brow,

The physician delivered his prognosis,

"It doesn't look too good my friend!"

"Your being absorbed by osmosis"

"The only way to treat this thing,

Is to cut it off completely"

So with scalpel soon in hand he did,

A job he did quite neatly,

"A cut above the rest" he proudly proclaimed,

"If I might say so myself"

Then he took that burly booger,

And put it proudly on his shelf,

But that booger had a life of its own,

And crept onto the floor,

Then that burly baby booger,

Crawled out the open door,

It crept into the kitchen,

Where it spotted some ice cream,

Then that nasty burly buggy booger,

Did something quite obscene,

It oozed in through an opening,

Where that ice cream was set down,

Slowly freezing with the mixture,

To be spread throughout the town,

Served with a cherry on top,

The unsuspecting ate their scoops,

Causing many much intestinal distress,

That was spreading through their poops,

Now firmly in the sewage system,

That disgusting booger spread,

It found its way in the water supply,

Where boogers rarely tread,

Moving swiftly through the city,

It multiplied its number,

Spreading from each faucet,

That parasite moved and thundered,

Now throughout the population,

That booger it was growing,

Feasting on infested bellies,

Soon swollen guts were showing,

The CDC was notified,

The Health Department alerted,

To try to find the origins,

From where this burly booger first squirted,

They traced it through the ice cream,

To the doctors office shelf,

Then they traced that booger back,

To of course, the doctor himself,

They identified the patient,

That was the boogers source,

Questions needed to be answered,

About this boogers course,

The patient had no clue,

And provided no instruction,

They were baffled, it is true,

To the source of the infection,

Watching from the doorway,

Was dirty little child,

In tattered pants and shirt,

Who seemed a little wild,

Watching the conversation,

The child thoughtfully picked its nose,

Which gave an idea to everyone,

To ask the child, I suppose,

They brought the child into the room,

To ask about his booger,

So the child pulled his finger quickly out,

Then exclaimed, it tastes like sugar!

This caused the investigators to panic,

As in a frantic chorus they had sung,

“Don't put that booger in your mouth!”

As his finger approached his tongue,

It was just in the nick-of-time,

The hand of fate, restrained,

With mouth still open, and tongue hanging out,

The little boys life was saved,

They wiped his fingers clean,

To the lab they took that sample,

A bigger booger they had rarely seen,

Gooey, green and ample,

A fragrant infestation,

That they found on the little boys hand,

Was the source of the infection,

That was spreading throughout the land,

They rushed the boy to hospital,

There, he was put into isolation,

Eating all the ice cream,

For him, it was like a vacation,

The only way to lick this booger,

Was to put it on an ice cream cone,

After that was all finished up,

He was then allowed to go home,

So friends take heed and hear this warning,

Next time you try some ice cream,

Make sure its the right decision,

And just be sure your cherry's clean.

© BAM