Ticket

The cool breeze of the air conditioning flows around me, scented with the slightest hint of smoke. It seems to wash away the sweat of all the stresses of my mind. The train rattles, rocking me into a pleasant reverie, the painful memories slowly being banished to the back of my thoughts. I fear that at any moment they could reappear, but for now they are resting, for which I am thankful, tired of their persistent nagging. Outside, the colours are bright green from a rainy spring, with the first patches of rapeseed oil yellow just beginning to emerge. The sky is a pale blue, not yet quite confident enough in its positivity to be sunny, but surfacing from the grey dawn of a troubled night. The child next to me didn't want to go home so was crying, but has now fallen asleep, his head lolling, peaceful in the knowledge that his father is there to protect him. When he wakes up he will not remember his wails of the previous hour nor the train guards words, "cheer up little chap" - the words that the train itself seems to be urging me with now. The carriage is almost empty and it seems to have a calming effect on me. I feel less weary, less plagued by my troubled thoughts. I have journeyed through the distress of difficult times, but am on the road to recovery. The wounds of the past are healing, albeit slowly. But I am not in a rush. I'm young, I have time to learn, to grow, to strengthen. We pass a field of grazing cows, and go over the bridge of a small stream. We overtake birds, travelling with no agenda. It strikes me how simple it all is. How easy it is to be happy. Not the ecstatic grinning of an extravagant party, but a quiet contentedness of fresh air. Air that we breathe, filtering from our lungs all the grunge of the past. The pain has not yet disappeared entirely, but perhaps even that is possible. Because amongst all these achingly beautiful hills, rolling into the horizon, and shared with these travellers, so at ease as they look through the window, the hint of a smile on their lips, surely that can happen.

I have reached my destination and I hear a blackbird welcoming me from the platform. It is not the end of my journey but a change in attitude, with the realisation that things will get better; that sadness is temporary and that joy will never stop fighting to enfold me in its warm embrace.