Kicking PotASSium
Once upon a time, in the jungles of Peru, there was a banana named Steve. He was just your average, ordinary banana that could talk. Steve felt lonely because none of the other bananas on the tree would talk to him. He went through every day of his banana-life waiting to get picked off the tree, so he could get away from the silent bananas. Every day he would see the monkeys coming to pick the bananas from the tree, but every day he wouldn't get picked. One day all the bananas on one side of the banana-cluster got picked, and it left the sun shining on Steve! He knew that if he was not picked that day he would become a mess! Luckily for him, a baby hippopotamus was walking by the tree.
“Excuse me, baby hippo? Could you please get me down from this tree?” he asked. The baby hippo looked up, screamed, and ran away because it’s mother told it not to talk to strangers. Steve was saddened by this; he could feel the sun blasting its ray’s upon him.
Then he saw a large green snake slithering on a branch next to him and called, “Mr. Snake? Could you spare a moment of your time to help me?”
“Maybe, what sssseemss to be the problem?” the snake answered.
“If I don't get off of this tree soon, I will become a disgusting mess,” Steve told the snake.
“I’m ssssorry misssster banana, but I can’t jump from thisss branch to yoursss. I don’t have any armsss. Good luck though,” replied the snake as it slithered away.
Steve didn’t know what to do, so he used his uncanny arithmetical skills to calculate how much time was left in the day. There were only a few hours left of sunlight in the day, but Steve knew he couldn’t make it that long. He could feel his insides getting mushy. Just as Steve was accepting that his fate was to become mush-in-a-peel, a gigantic, metal triangle came crashing down from the sky and not-so-gracefully landed next to his tree, causing it to fall over. The hatch opened and two mysterious figures no larger than gorillas thundered out of the ship. The way they moved and looked was oddly mechanical.
When the tree got knocked over, Steve got stuck under a branch, but he could see what was happening with the figures from the ship. The figures walked around and returned after a while. They walked over to where Steve lay nearly passed out on the ground, and proceeded to have a conversation. Steve watched as the two figures ripped up him and his tree. When one of the figures saw him watching, he got kicked in the face and passed out.
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When Steve awoke, he was inside a clear tube of indeterminable thickness. All around him he could see metal and lights flashing! Everything around him was so much more advanced than anything he had ever seen! He felt like an alien in his completely technological environment. There were beeps and buzzes the like he had never heard before! Everything was so shiny and new; he was scared. The figures were facing away from him talking. They had removed their helmets to reveal that they were large metal robots! They had big metal faces with glowing receptors for eyes. Their mouths were little speakers and had small microphones for ears.
The bigger one had round disks all over him that could be wheels and a lot of large tubes over his arms and shoulders. On his back were large tubs of sort that connected to the tubes. The slightly smaller one had lights all over his body and had tanks of a different kind on his back. There were pieces of wings on his arms, but they were not connected.
Steve could not believe what he was seeing! He wasn’t exactly sure what the figures were, but they were communicating in long tones and clicks. The figures noticed Steve looking at them in the tube and came up and began making noises at him. When Steve didn't say anything, they opened the tube and kicked him again.
“By the great leaves of the Banana God! These... things... are... violent!” Steve sputtered to himself between gasps of pain. When they stopped kicking him, they made more noises at him. Steve was confused by the noises they were making. They were just staring down at him with their metallic, glowing red eyes. Then, one of them turned to the large metal wall and pressed a glowing button. The robot began to speak into the wall and a little portion of the wall slid up and a screen appeared. The figure tapped the screen for a while and continued making sounds. The sounds continued to change and morph. As Steve listened, he wondered what they were going to do to him.
“Can you understand me now, puny yellow creature?” asked one of the robots in a deep voice.
“Wh-wh-wh-wh-who are you?” Steve asked, terrified.
“I am Wheeldust and this is Nitroflash,” said the larger of the two, the one with wheels all over him, “and we are research scouts in the Decepticon army. We have scoured your pathetic planet for anything with..... potential.”
“Potential f-f-f-for what?” Steve asked, not sure if he really wanted to know the answer.
“Potential,” said Nitroflash, “for upgrades.”
Steve was absolutely dumbfounded. He looked around him and saw other things in tubes similar to his own, all sleeping. As Steve looked around he saw a hamster, a fish, two identically ugly baby birds, and.... a toaster?! He looked closer at them; there was something off about them. Steve also noticed lots of mechanical equipment and some sort of work table far off. Steve started to grasp at ideas, but something wasn't clicking. “W-w-what're you going to upgrade me into?”
“The time for talking is over! You belong to us now!” And with that, another metal foot came crashing down, knocking Steve into unconsciousness.
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When Steve awoke, he was strapped onto the work table. There were lots of bright lights, but he could just make out the two figures, one of which was the source of all the light. From the table, Steve could get a better look at what were in the other tubes; what he saw scared him. The things in the tubes did not look alive at all, they were blocky and had a metallic shine to them. It looked as if someone made mechanical replicas of what Steve saw earlier, but then the hamster looked at him and Steve could see that the eyes were still real. In those eyes Steve could see pain and sorrow; he knew bad things were going to happen to him on this ship.
“Well well, had a nice nap, did you?” asked the one with the lights, Nitroflash.
“Wh-wh-wh-what're you going to do with me?” Steve wondered.
“Ha! Going to do? We already did it! Look at yourself!” answered Wheeldust with an evil laugh.
This comment made Steve sad; he can't move anything more than his eyes and mouth. He tried to look down at himself, but found it impossible. “Do you have a mirror or something? I can only move my eyes and mouth.”
“'Do you have a mirror or something?'” repeated Nitroflash in a high voice of mockery. Wheeldust laughed and kicked Steve again. After their laughter finally died down, they pulled a small mirror down for him. “Here, you yellow buffoon!”
Steve looked in the little mirror and at first thought everything was normal. Then he looked closer at himself and saw that there was a large cavity in the middle of his body! The cavity had a metal casing, and didn't go all the way through him. Steve was absolutely and completely mortified, but then realized that they were not done. Nitroflash had a pair of tweezers extending towards him. The tweezers were holding a tiny green spark of light. Steve tried with all his banana-might, but could not move. He wasn't really surprised by this revelation, he had never moved in his life, but he wanted to try. As the light entered his body, Steve felt a searing flash of pain and everything changed. Steve started crying out, like an infant that had just been born. The Decepticons had no time for this, and kicked him once again into unconsciousness.
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When Steve awoke, he noticed that he had a lot of bruises. Man, I have got to stop getting kicked, Steve thought to himself. But then he had a more startling realization; Steve was slowly turning into a machine! He then thought back to what he saw in the the glass tubes and it all made sense. Thats what was off about the other creatures! He could feel the power flowing through his potassium-based body and there was a steady pain in his chest. He looked down at it and could see a glowing cover over the cavity in his chest. Wait, Steve thought, I just LOOKED down! I just moved! All by myself! With this revelation, came a wave of excitement. Steve had just moved for the first time in his entire life! Thats a huge accomplishment for a banana whose only goal in life had been to get eaten! “I can move! Oh my goodness!” But, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get himself up. Then he realized, he didn't have any legs so he couldn't have walked anyway.
“Yeah, I remember the first time I moved. I almost blew a circuit,” came an old grizzled voice.
“Who are you?” asked Steve. He looked around, but was unable to locate the source.
“I'm over here, you ignoramus,” said the voice. Steve looked around and finally realized the voice belonged to the toaster.
“Hi! My name is Steve and I don't have any friends. Will you be my friend?”
“Ugh, not another kid,” said the toaster, disgusted. “The name's Phil.”
“Why am I here, Phil?”
“You are here as part of the Decepticon's plot to make a new generation of Decepticons. The Decepticons always want more troops for their armies, and with their technology, they figured out how to turn biological creatures like yourself into machines like them,” Phil explained.
“But... what about you?” asked Steve.
“Do I look like a biological to you, kid? I'm a flippin' toaster! They just heavily modified me and gave me weapons.”
“Then why don't you just leave?” questioned Steve.
“Because they put a chip in me that won't allow me to strike against them. I also can't move anything other than my eyes and mouth until they press a button. As long as we have those chips, we're trapped! Now shuddup here they come, here they come!”
“But, Phil what about-”
“Prisoner! Shut your voice-box!” said Nitroflash as he opened the tube and kicked Steve multiple times. “Its chow time.” Nitroflash pushed a button on the platform the tubes were on and the flooring of the tube slid away and Steve fell down into a dark metal shaft. Steve went down, around, left, right, up, left, left again, down, through a loop, and landed roughly on the right end metal bench. Dazed, he looked around and saw the other captives sitting with him, look at him incredulously. They were in a small chamber that only had one sealed square hatch in the wall. The toaster, Phil, was sitting to his left.
“We have a few minutes before our food is prepared. Let me introduce you to the gang,” he said, gesturing at the others. “Across from you is Jack,” he said, gesturing to the fish, “he's Australian.”
“Hi Jack! My name is Steve!”
“G'day Steve,” replied Jack.
“Jack, are you a fish?”
“Last time I checked, yeah. Wondering how I'm out of my tank?” He turned his head to the side and Steve saw a tube going from one set of gils over his back onto the other set. “They hooked me up with this gismo the same time I got my upgrade. Don't understand how it works, but I'm glad to 'ave it.”
“Those two over there,” Phil interrupted, nodding in the direction of the baby birds, “are always together; they're not conjoined or nothin', they just never leave each other's side. The one on the left is Andy and the one on the right is Peter.”
“How do you tell them apart?” whispered Steve.
“Andy has the bottom half of a black circle on his forehead; Peter has the top half.”
“Pleased to-” started Andy.
“-meet you,” finished Peter.
“Uhh.... hi..” Steve managed to get out.
“And over here on my left is C.”
“Hi C! My name is Steve!” But C just turned and looked at him with his deep, black eyes. Steve couldn't stop looking at them, and was scared senseless by the look C was giving him.
“Ay, C, let 'im go,” called Jack. And C turned away, to look straight ahead at a wall.
“C doesn't say much. Hasn't said a word for as long as any of us have been here; he was the first one that got captured,” said Phil.
Suddenly the square hatch in the wall opened and six trays floated out and landed on the table in front of its intended eater. Phil naturally had two pieces of bread, whole grain, of course. Jack got a plate of disgusting-looking leeches because, according to him, they're healthier than worms. The twins each had a plate of what looked like mushed up leeches, even grosser than live ones. C got a plate of seeds and corn which he ate slowly and methodically. Steve himself got a glowing green liquid with bubbles; all eyes seemed to be on him as he evaluated just what he had in front of him. He had no idea what do with it.
“Well what am I supposed to do with this?” he asked no one in particular. But then a blue crazy straw came floating out of the hatch and landed in his drink. Steve leaned forward all that he could but still could not reach the straw. As he strained against his own body he got closer and closer to the straw, but never did quite make it. As everyone continued to watch him struggle, Jack reached across the table and pushed the drink towards Steve.
“Thank you! If I leaned any more I was gonna fall right over!” said Steve, relieved. He drank his green, bubbly liquid quite happily, despite not knowing what it was. Steve finished his drink and let out a little burp; he was suddenly exhausted. He sat back at the table while the others finished their meals. When they were all finished, the shaft from above sucked them all up, one by one, and sent them back to their tubes. Steve was already asleep by the time he got sucked up.
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Steve awoke lying face-down on the floor of his tube. “Ughh... my head... What WAS that drink?” he wondered as he pushed himself up. Just then a realization struck him. He just pushed himself up! Bananas don't have arms! Steve looked down and cried out, “Holy banana-mole! I got arms! And, what they hay? I'm not touching the ground..?” Which he wasn't Steve the banana was hovering just above the ground.
“Ya can fly, kiddo. Practice, you ain't goin' anywhere for a while,” suggested Jack.
Steve spent the next few hours flying around and doing flips and somersaults in the air and spinning and climbing with his new-found abilities.
“You were out for three days, mate,” informed Jack. “But now ya' got arms an' can fly, so 'ats good.”
“Yeah,” panted Steve, “totally worth it.” Suddenly Steve's tube lifted up, and Wheeldust appeared outside of it.
“Well well, prisoner, it seems you adjusted nicely to the second phase of the upgrade.”
“Second phase?” questioned Steve.
“DO NOT TALK BACK TO ME!” shouted Wheeldust as he kicked Steve multiple times. “I am your master! Now,” he said, as he stopped kicking Steve, “you must undergo the final phase of the upgrade.” He scooped up Steve's exhausted form and brought him to the work table where Nitroflash was waiting. He laid Steve on the table and went off somewhere else in the ship. Nitroflash fastened Steve on the table and grabbed a small buzz saw. He powered the buzz saw on and brought it up to Steve's forehead and easily sliced open a small gash. He put the saw down and picked up a tweezers; the tweezers held a little chip. He placed the chip in the little gash that he made and there was a large sparking. Nitroflash sealed up the wound he had made in Steve's head. “Now, you are just like the rest of them. You are part of our next generation of warriors!”
Steve couldn't see straight; the room was spinning. “I'm just a banana... not a fighter...” he mumbled. He was dizzy and losing his consciousness fast. The last thing he heard was Nitroflash's evil, metallic laughter.
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Steve awoke in his tube with a major headache. He remembered the operation on his head and a shiver went down his spine. He raised a hand to his head and tried to massage the pain out of his head. He then remembered what Phil said about the chips limiting what they could do and wondered why he could move. “Hey Phil, how long did it take for the chip to take effect on you?”
“The instant they implanted it. For the others it was as soon as the wound was sealed. Why?” he replied.
“Because I can still move...” whispered Steve.
“Kid, thats not possible; the Decepticons' tech is flawless. Prove it, tap the glass a few times.”
“What should I do Phil?” asked Steve as he tapped the glass.
“You can't let them know you can move, kid. I don't know why the chip didn't work on you, but you are our only ticket outta here. Just lay it low for a while, don't tell the others. Just go through the combat simulator with the rest of us until you are confident in your fighting ability. The longer we wait, the more weapons you'll have training with and, eventually, be modified with. When the time is right, you strike.”
“But, Phil, I don't know how to fight,” protested Steve, “I'm just an ordinary banana!”
“No Steve, you're special. You are our savior. Now quick, stop flying and lay down on the ground in case the see you.”
Steve did as he was told and landed on the ground as quietly as possible. He went through the combat simulator with the rest of the team and discovered that he was even worse than he had expected. As the months passed, Steve got better in the combat simulator and had gotten many weapon modifications. He learned lots of things about the others; Jack was just another fish in the sea, too many fish of the same species to guess how many were just like him. The twins were from a part of North America where the birds of their species nest; they were as common to their area as pines are to a pine tree. Phil was originally built in China and there were thousands of toasters just like him made everyday. No one was really sure where C came from, he still had not said a word. The group all knew, however, that hamsters were not uncommon in the world. It seemed that one thing they all had in common, was being just one more. Before being captured, they all thought there was nothing special about them. Anywhere they looked, they could see themselves but slightly different. They were just average, ordinary, plain things before the upgrades; now they were different.
Steve had good times with his friends and was very happy to have met them. He continued his progress in the simulators and could still move in his tube. No one knew about his plan with Phil; the Decepticons still didn't know Steve could move whenever he wanted. Steve had gotten used to living with the others on the strange ship. Then came the fateful day when Steve finally knew he was ready to take on the Decepticons.
“Phil, I'm ready to bust out of here. Tell the others to stay on their toes,” Steve whispered.
“But... Steve... most of them don't have toes,” whispered Phil back.
“Phil. Its an idiom. Just make sure they're all awake. I CAME IN LIKE A WREEEEEEEECKING BAAAAALL,” Steve started to sing.
“You! Prisoner! Cease this noise immediately!” yelled Wheeldust as he came to check on his prisoners.
“You're not the boss of me, you overgrown soup can!”
“Why you little!” exclaimed Wheeldust as he opened Steve's tube with the intent on kicking him unconscious. He opened the tube and started to kick Steve. His foot was just about to hit him when it suddenly stopped.
“Not today, Decepti-chump!” yelled Steve. He had grabbed Wheeldust's foot mid-kick and easily flipped him. Wheeldust was absolutely shocked and very surprised by what had just happened!Then Steve flew out of the tube and out of his right arm came a large quad-shooter plasma gun, shooting green, destructive bolts of plasma at Wheeldust. His left arm opened into an electro magnetic railgun. The rail gun spat large slugs into Wheeldust, startling him even more. Steve flew around him, avoiding the flailing arms. Steve noted that the wheels all over his opponent's arms and legs reflected the shots, and instead aimed his quad-shooter towards Wheeldust's face. The shots were unable to do any serious damage, but he could not see through the barrage.
Steve kept flying around and blasting at his former-master, hoping to do some kind of damage. Unfortunately, a stray shot hit a tool lying on the work table, creating a clatter. Nitroflash heard the noise and came to investigate. When he discovered battle between his captive and his friend, he immediately turned on all of his lights.
“Gah! I can't see anything!” yelled Steve, blinded. He kept shooting, but he no longer had any idea which way he was shooting. He opened his eyes and saw which way the light was coming from and he turned and flew the other way; he flew straight into one of the tubes.
“Steve, you must-” started one of the birds.
“-get to the console!” finished the other.
They meant the console that controlled the chips, it must also control the chips in them all! Unfortunately, Steve could still not see and he knew he didn't have long. “Where is it? Where is it?” he screamed.
“Its behind you-”
“-and to the left.”
Steve fumbled around until he found it. “Does anyone know how to operate this thing?” he shouted.
“There's no time! Press anything!” yelled Phil.
Steve slammed his fist down on the table, hoping to open the tubes or turn off the chips. Unfortunately for the others, the button he hit sent electrical shocks through the tubes, zapping everyone inside them.
“Gaaaaaaaah! Wrong.... button!” someone yelled.
Steve felt around, hoping there would some kind of indicator to help him locate the buttons he wanted. Shots whizzed past his him and hit the console or the tubes or the wall. Steve pressed a few more buttons as he looked back to the Decepticons. They were trying to wipe some of the green plasma off Wheeldust's face. He had tried to shoot some of his dust onto in, but that had seemed to make it worse. Nitroflash turned on one the engines on his arms to release a tongue of flame to melt the plasma; Steve had a little time before they would come for him. The first button he had hit released some sort of purple gas into his empty tube, the second poured more water onto Jack, and the third turned off all the tubes' lights. Distraught, he turned to see what happened to the Decepticons; they were slowly stalking towards him. He knew he didn't have much time, so he pushed a little blue button in the middle of the console. Nothing happened. Steve looked around, and it didn't look like anything had actually happened. Then he saw Phil tapping on his tube; Steve had hit the right button after all! Getting the tubes open was easy, he just shot at them until they cracked. He turned and saw the Decepticons rushing towards him now. He went up and tapped the each tube, and they all shattered.
“Hey Dec-scum-icons,” said Steve, “lets dance!” and he and the others rushed towards them.
In the ensuing showdown, the Decepticons fought with all their might against their creations. The former-captives fought with everything they had and then some. They had nothing to lose, they were taken from their homes and families and were changed from the inside out. The wanted nothing more than to destroy those that had turned them into the monsters they were.Ultimately the Decepticons lost the fight. They lay on ground unmoving, not dead, but not unconscious.
“Well.... what should we do with them?” Steve asked.
“I think we can-”
“-just turn them off,” suggested the twins.
“Crikey! These buggers 'ave power switches!” exclaimed Jack.
“Well I'll be,” said Phil, “I guess we just turn them off then?”
“Let Steve-
“-do the honors!” suggested the twins.
“Well....shucks,” said Steve. He reached out with one of his arms and turned off first Nitroflash, and the Wheeldust. As he turned them off, a red energy flowed into his arm up to his chest. No one was sure what was going on, but all were mystified. The energy slowly melted into the cavity in his chest that held his spark of green light.
“What color spark did they give you?” asked a deep, bass voice. The voice belonged to C the hamster. His first words for as long as he had been on the ship.
“It was green. Why?” Steve wanted to know.
“The rest of us got blue ones,” C told him. “Steve, when you got the chip implanted in your head, were you paralyzed at all?”
“Not even a little. Why? What made it react differently to me than you guys?”
“Steve, you're a banana.”
“Yeah, so? You're a hamster and he's a fish. Whats your point?”
“Steve, you have something in you that we will never have. That makes you special.”
“But... what is it?” Steve was confused.
“Potassium, Steve, you have potassium!”
C never really did talk much after that, but when he did speak, everyone listened because it had to be important. Steve's acts that day were never forgotten by his friends. They decided that they would stick together and fight Decepticons all across the universe. This group became known as the Autobots, the enemies of the Decepticons that fight for the side of good. Due to Steve's ability to absorb the sparks of the Decepticons, he was their leader. From that day on, he was known as 'Potassium Prime'.