Class A Reprobate -story excerpt

...The bar made the news after a drunk was paralyzed out back. I was busing the patio near dark when this asshole stood on the ledge drunk. He wanted to dive in. His wife and his friends egged him on. So he dove in and stuck there. Two of his friends each grabbed a boot and pulled him onto the patio. He had busted his neck and the break had severed his spinal cord. It was a big deal for a while. The owner’s mother had to hang a no diving sign.

Driving home was depressing. I was covered in dried sweat and grease. Weekends were the worst. The bar across the street crawled with disgusting things. It wasn’t like the gay bars on the West Coast. These men were fucked over and dirty. There wasn’t a good scene for young people anywhere in the city. There were the bars around the corners of the city, where the students from Bradley University drank, but the crowd was even worse. I’d tried the gay bar one night when I was sick with boredom. I walked across the street and ducked in. It was a big place. A fat guy with a beard saw me and grabbed my hand when I walked by:

“Hey, dude! Sit right here.”

I pulled my hand away and wiped it across my pants. The bartender was gay and tired.

“What can I get you, baby?”

I shook my head and reached for some money, “Just a coke.”

He set the coke down.

“How much?”

“Don’t worry about it.”

I put a dollar on the bar. All eyes were upon me. I looked into the mirror across the bar. There I was. Every city across the country and I was in that mirror. A big blonde was growing bigger in the mirror behind me. It came out of the bathroom. Big heels and a tight skirt. The face was bad, it was rough and full of pits. The shins were full of veins and muscle. The wig was crooked. The make-up was thick and bumpy. Big ugly hands. It sat next to me:

“My name is Alice.”

“Sure it is.”

“I perform here.”

“Right.”

“My stage name is Miss Coa-Coa.”

I looked around the bar. There was a stage in the next room. A banner hung across the top:

COME OUT OF THE CLOSET, PEORIA!

A lighter was immediately in front of my smoke. I dug my lighter from my pocket, I got it.”

I lit up and took a drink. He set his lighter on the bar, “Attitude. I like that.”

“Goodnight, Alice.”

“Come on, now.”

The bartender walked over and took my glass.

“Another coke?”

“Yes.”

Alice hadn’t left. He looked around the bar and sighed.

“You ain’t attracted to me at all?”

“No. I’m not.”

He started crying. I thought he was joking. But he was crying. The bartender shook his head at me. I actually felt bad.

“Alice, come on. That’s not necessary. I’m straight is all.”

“No, you don’t understand what it’s like. Look at me. Where else can I go in this town? I’m big and ugly and gay. Oh, God!”

“Why don’t you try San Fran?”

“With what money?”

“Right. I’m in the same boat. I want to get out of here, too.”

He straightened up and looked at me.

“You hate it here, too?”

“Damned right.”

“But you’re so young and beautiful. Why don’t you just fly away?”

“That’s enough.”

“What are you doing here?”

“I was born here. I stopped through to see my brother. I met a girl at his bar and I moved in with her. You can figure out the rest.”

“That stupid bitch.”

“You got that right.”