The Devil’s Confessional

Bless me Father, for I am sin, it has been an eternity since my last confession. Not that I intend to start now. I will tell you a story instead, a true story, and maybe that will count as a confession. Are you listening? I wonder if he is listening too. Don’t fool yourself, he doesn’t listen to everything. Like all males, he has very selective hearing and he’s been ignoring me for a long time now. But you are here, my captive audience, ready to be enlightened.

The first thing that I must tell you about myself is that I am no angel. Forgive my devilish sense of humor, but it is true. I was never even a fallen angel. I was his mistress, his love, his equal and together we existed in perfect accord, alone in the world before the world. We created your world together, each of us adding something to it. It seemed like a good idea at the time, we needed a hobby. Everything was balanced perfectly, the land, the air, the water and the things that inhabited our beautiful universe. Then Adam. The narcissist just had to create a little miniature of himself that he could watch play in our world. I knew this stupid toy would ruin everything, so can I be blamed if I went into a rage? He did not even ask me first!

Adam was like a paper doll, it may have looked like him but it lacked any power, any substance. It was ugly. The more I watched this ugly human crapping on my hard work, the more incensed I became. Instead of just removing the offensive being, he thought he could pacify me with a gift. Eve. I still cringe when I think of that pitiful thing wearing my face. Trust me when I tell you, Eve has been highly overrated. You can understand, of course, why I argued with him. How can someone omnipotent be so idiotic? Well, he wouldn’t listen, he acted like I was not his equal anymore, he wanted to keep his toys. When I saw how submissive and passive he made Eve, I understood that he expected me to behave that way. I don’t do passive.

So, I left. I came here to play with you people instead, starting with Adam. Don’t believe the propaganda, I did not show up as some talking snake with an apple for Eve. Your repressed priests have totally corrupted the events. I was the proverbial apple, and it was Adam that I tempted, not Eve. He gave Adam free will but not the intelligence to use it properly. He made Adam love Eve, and geared them to breed with each other. The moronic toy did not even realize that I was not Eve. I made sure that we were seen. I wanted him to watch his little human touch me, have me, he needed to witness my betrayal. He almost ripped your whole world apart with his jealousy, trying to force me to come back to him.

When that did not work, he sent those gossipy angels here to tell your holy men lies about me, as if I am capable of shame. I simply do not care that you blame me for all sorts of evil. His toys do far more evil in our beautiful world than I ever could. He tried to make me jealous once, believing that if he screwed a human too, that I would want to return to him. That did not work either, but you people are still absurdly fascinated by the result of that misguided copulation.

He has mostly given up now, I think he has become resigned to our new living arrangement. Occasionally he will try to get my attention again, do something to make sure that I know he is still there. When he does this, I have to send him a response so that he knows I have not changed my mind. That’s why I am here, telling you our story. Because there is only one thing that I can do that will still hurt him, one thing I can still take away from him. Let’s not misunderstand each other, I am not here to confess, I have no soul to save. He only gave those to you, I still don’t see the point of it. He cares a great deal about these souls he gifted you with. It may be the only thing he does still care about. See, I am not here to cleanse my soul, I am here to take yours.