The Wonderland Haze

The music still echoed in my ears as I walked on the shimmering sidewalk. A light rain sprinkled on my bare arms and legs, which was irritating. I looked to the sky, which was dark with swirling, black clouds. Looking up made me a little dizzy, so I kept walking. Or slightly stumbling, as some would see it.

No, I was not drunk. Maybe a little tipsy. But the party was so much fun.

I kept walking down the same route I always took when I came home. Until I got lost. Did I take a wrong turn? No, I was sure I kept going straight. I always kept going straight. But now I’m somewhere else. I followed the new path and turned left. But I found the same alley again. How was that possible? I looked back behind me, but there was nothing there. Just a brick wall. Now things were weird.

I kept following the path and turned right. The same path reappeared, and so did the wall behind me. I did it again, and again, and again, but I always met the same alley. I leaned against the brick wall, exhausted. How do I get out?

I stood there for a moment longer. Then I heard a commotion. At the end of the alley. I walked toward the increasingly loud noise and realized there were voices.

“Hey!” I ran to the very end of the alley. I looked left, then right, and saw two people. They were fighting. I only stared as one, a young man in ordinary clothes, struggled to keep up against a hooded figure. I could not see the face of this figure, but he was much stronger than the man. As I stare, openmouthed, the figure throws the man to the ground, pulls out a gun. . .

I gasped as the gunshot pierced the air, and the man slumped to the wet pavement. Afterward, it was intensely quiet, except for my rapid heartbeat and the ringing in my ears. The hooded figure shot his head up. His face, covered by black shadows, stared directly at me as the figure pointed something at me. I didn’t see it, but as I began to run back, something sharp struck my waist. Cold filled my body like the snap of fingers, and I fell on something hard. My body ached, and I saw flashes of red and black. I thought I saw someone put something in my drink. . . My eyes felt heavy, and I lost all of my thoughts before they shut completely.

. . .

I was falling. Falling. Forever.

. . .

Light burned my eyes when I woke up. I rubbed at them vigorously until they were sore. Then I let them adjust to the light. Everything I saw was brighter, more colorful. I had a new energy, my mind was sharper. I looked at my hand and touched each of my fingers. I stroked my hair. Was it really this blonde? I stood up, a little bit too quick. My head was pounding. I leaned against a door. A door? I reached for the handle, which was strangely warm. Locked.

I pulled at the door once, twice, then I searched the room for a key. In the center of the room was a table. Was that there? I began walking toward it. Abruptly, the room shrunk and the table was suddenly further away. I took another step and the room shrunk another inch more. The table, however, was many feet away. I ran.

The room shrunk faster every time my foot touched the floor. I sped up, and the table slowly grew closer. I got on my knees and crawled with all my strength as the room became so small I couldn’t stand. Finally, I was so close I could just touch the table, but I was practically rolled into a ball. The room still shrunk, slowly. I was losing air then, and I reached for the table. I willed my arm to get closer. Just one more inch.

I grasped the table with my hand and the room whooshed back to normal. I stood up. On the table was a key. I snatched the key up and raced to the door before anything else weird happened. I stuck the key into the keyhole of the door and - success! - it unlocked and opened. When I pulled the key out, I found a single white hair on the doorknob.

. . .

Once I stepped out the door, I immediately felt like normal. No tingling feeling, and everything looked normal again. Everything was normal. Except for the flowers. They were ginormous! The roses were as big as two-story houses. The sunflowers were just a bit smaller. The lilies were as big as cars. It felt like a dream. I began following a dirt path under the flowers.

As I neared a huge red rose, it shook itself out and leaned over me. I was at first shocked, but when I stared at the huge flower, my vision grew blurry and I became entranced by the details of each petal and the crinkle of its leaves. The rose moved closer. It began engulfing me, trapping me in its bud. I closed my eyes, ready to be taken, when the rose all of a sudden screeched and dropped me to the ground, headfirst.

I held my head and looked around, distraught. The rose was gone; all that remained was its stem, which drooped to the dirt. I looked down the path, and there stood a cat. I blinked a few times, thinking I wasn’t really seeing it, but it was there. And it stood on two legs.

The cat walked toward me, and by the time it reached me, its legs had faded away into the air. “What do we have here? Not a mouse, not a rabbit, not a worm. . .” the cat drifted off slowly.

“I’m a girl!” I said as I stood. The cat crossed its arms.

“Are you really? Or are you mad?” The cat linked its paws together, as though it were linking fingers. “We are all mad here.”

“Mad?”

“Of course. . .nothing here is really real, is it? It’s all just in your head. Or is it?”

“I. . .I don’t know. Is it?”

“That is the question that you yourself must answer now is it? Figure it out ‘girl’. Is this reality or just what you’re seeing from your little head?”

“Who are you?”

“Strange creature you are. You aren’t sure what you are, but certainly you are not Cheshire Cat are you?”

“Is that your name?”

“Is it? Who am I to you? Who am I and who are you?”

“You are Cheshire Cat, and I’m Alice.” Cheshire’s eyes widened fearfully.

“Not a mouse, not a cat. Not a flower, not a worm, and certainly not the Alice.”

“But I am Alice”, I protested. Cheshire put a paw to my lips. His other disappeared. “If Alice admits to being Alice, Alice will be sent to the red and black”, Cheshire whispered. He backed away, though he was floating. “The ‘girl’ would like to go home, yes?”

“Of course! Do you know the way?”

“Which way do you refer to?”

“The way back home!”

“There is no way back, but there is left and right, up and down, criss and cross. . .” Cheshire disappeared, his little song fading away as he listed off impossible directions to me. And just faintly, almost in my head, I heard, “And do not trust the Rabbit.”

. . .

“Late, late, so very late. Come now, come now, for we are late.” The same words had repeated in the air for what seemed like hours. Each time the strange voice said it, a clock seemed to tick in my ears. I had followed the dirt path until I came to a wooden pole with multiple arrows attached to it. The signs were exactly as Cheshire had sang. Left and right, up and down, criss and cross. . .

That’s when the voice began to speak the words. They were faint, but loud enough that I could hear which way they came from. Since then I have been following the voice, wondering what I could be late for.

Finally, I came across a small house. Outside was a long table with a white tablecloth and chairs all around it. Once it was in view, the voice stopped. I froze, but I could not hear the words anymore. The only sound was a man coming out of the house.

I took a few steps closer to see what he was doing. All up his arms were plates with teacups. He carried two teapots in his hands. But he did not walk cautiously to the table. He almost pranced, his heading bobbing to a tune he hummed to himself. He set the table, looked right at me, and waved for me to come forward in delight. I was stumped, but complied.

“Good evening. . .wait, let me try again, good morning, right?”

“Right?”

“No, left!” The man chuckled. He frowned when he realized I didn’t respond and motioned for me to sit. “Now you are Alice.”

“Yes, I am! How did you know?” But the man pressed two fingers to his lips and made a small shhh.

“It is pretty obvious, or I’m mad! You really are too bad at hiding yourself. Do you want to be hunted?”

“Hunted? What do you mean?”

“Exactly as I said. Tea?” A cup sat in front of me and the man held a teapot, waiting for an answer. I looked at the other cups set out, and they were already filled. Something was put in my drink. Then I was. . .

“Um, no thank you”, I said. The man frowned. I then noticed his eyes were bloodshot.

“Are you sure? It’s really good tea. Makes you feel fluttery.” Fluttery. “Makes you feel light as a feather.” Light.

“No, I’m good.”

“I insist!”

“I said no!” I smacked the teapot away from me and the man lost his grip. He dropped the teapot and it shattered. His hands shook. The cups on the table then cracked where they stood, nothing touching them. Only my empty cup remained unscathed.

“Exactly as I said. Exactly as I said. Or I am not the Hatter.”

“Your name is Hatter?”

“Why yes, how did you know?” Hatter stared at me blankly. Then his eyes widened, as if he just noticed me. “Alice! Do you want to be hunted? You must leave, leave, if you value your sanity, if you value your life. You must quit, quit. Escape this trap. Exactly as I say, or I am not the Hatter.” Hatter began stomping toward the house. “No trust to them, no trust to them.” He slammed the door to the small house, and a new path appeared under my feet.

“Late, late. Hurry now”, the strange voice started again. I stared at the house for a moment, then I decided to follow the voice again. I ran down the path. No trust to them. . .to whom?

. . .

And I’m lost. I was lost before, too. But I wasn’t here, was I? The voice was lost too. I hadn’t heard it for an hour. I sat in the grass, wishing to just disappear from all of this. Whatever this is. How did I get here? How did I get here? Something was put in my drink. Something was injected in my side. As the thought came to me, my waist throbbed faintly.

“My are you late? Now she will be mad. Oh, dear”, the voice, much stronger now, sighed. I looked up and right in front of me stood a white rabbit. He also stood on two legs, but he held a pocket watch. He did, too.

“Late for what? Who is ‘she’? Who are you?” I said.

“For a clever girl you sure do ask a lot of questions”, the rabbit said.

“You think I’m clever?” But my question was ignored.

“You are late to meet with the Queen. She will be mad if you are any more late. And I am the White Rabbit, if it please you”, the rabbit said, and bowed to me. Do not trust the Rabbit.

“Alice”, I said, and tipped my head. The rabbit drew back.

“Maybe you are not so clever after all, if you wish to reveal yourself. But you definitely are late. We need to go now”, the White Rabbit said and grasped my hand, pulling me up. He pushed me a few feet away and a new path appeared. This path was checkered black and red. The black and red. “Go that way now, and be swift. Late you are, yes.” Rabbit pushed me forward once more, then whispered, “And do not trust the Cat.”

My head spun as I followed the checkered path. The red and black. Do not trust. The Cat. The Rabbit. No one. Trust no one. But who is there to trust? Why are they afraid to hear “Alice”? Why am I being hunted? And by who? The questions boiled in my mind, and I grew dizzy again. Again. Something in the drink. Something in the needle. Something in the tea. Someone was shot. Why?

“The Alice who asks herself questions must learn the truth to find the answers she seek”, Hatter’s voice whispered in her head.

“Alright Hatter. What is the truth?”

“Why was the girl indisposed? She saw a murder. Who can she trust here? A trick of her own mind. Why is she here? Why are you here?”

“Why am I hunted?”

“Who else?”

“What?” Hatter didn’t reply.

. . .

I made it to the end of the path. And I was led to a huge castle. A white castle with red. I walked to the castle doors and stopped. I didn’t have to see him to know he was there, leaning on the wall.

“A ‘girl’ is not smart, nor bright. Enter and the ‘girl’ will not escape”, Cheshire whispered in a silky voice.

“I will get out of this trap, Cheshire”, I said. “I am not smart, but I am not mad. I was put into this somehow, and I’m breaking out.” Cheshire appeared and smiled a huge smile. His arms were completely gone, as well as his tail.

“A girl is getting closer to being Alice. But not the bad Alice. A girl is learning to be the good, the smart Alice.” I did not look at Cheshire. I did not admit to him my confusion. Cheshire then frowned. “But if a girl fails. . .must we start again, Alice?”

I turned to look at him, but he was gone.

I faced the doors again. Before I could knock, two guards appeared from either side of me, grabbed me by the arms, and carried me inside. They carried me down the long hallway, which led to the throne room. Once inside, they released me and I looked up at the throne. There sat a short, chubby woman. She wore a dress that looked as though it were made of cards. As I gawked at her, she smiled with a toothy grin.

“Oh, how late you are, Alice”, the woman remarked. Bow to her, the White Rabbit’s voice echoed in my ear. I bowed.

“My apologies, um, what am I so late for?” The woman huffed.

“You will address me as Your Highness. Don’t you know who I am? I should have your head!” The woman stood from the throne.

“No, please! Um, Your Highness!”

“That’s better,” the woman - the queen - said. She sat back down. “I hate those who choose to be late. Especially at a time like this!”

“May I ask, Your Highness, what am I late for?” I ducked my head in case she yelled again.

“Why, for your trial, Alice”, the queen smiled with her toothy grin. She stared at me with daggers in her eyes.

“Trial? What for?”

“Must you be so stupid?! Must I explain it? You murdered my own you wench!” As she ranted on, I could hear guards singing from behind the doors. Their song was not cheerful, but I couldn’t make out the words. . .

Paint the roses red with. . .paint the roses red with. . .

“Go now! To the courtroom! We’ll solve this now and I’ll have your head!” The two guards seized me at once and carried me out the room. They continued down another long hallway, but I could still hear the song outside.

Paint the roses red with. . .paint the roses red with bud.

The closer we came to the door at the end of the hall, the faster same words repeated.

Paint the roses red with bud, paint the roses red with bud.

The guards halted at the door, which opened and revealed a courtroom full of animals. On the Judge’s Podium sat Cheshire Cat. He grinned when he saw me.

Paint the roses red with blood.

“Court is now in session”, Cheshire hissed. All that remained of him was his head, which floated in midair. The animals in the stands quieted down. “The defendant here is being accused of murder by the Queen of Hearts. Here we shall prove whether she is guilty or innocent.”

“She did it! She did it! I swear to you. Who else?” The Queen cried. She sat on the opposite side of the room from me, to my right. Who else? Cheshire shrugged.

“All who agree with the Queen of Hearts, raise your paw!” Everyone in the courtroom raised their hands. “Then Alice is hereby guilty of murder of the Queen’s son!”

“Wait! That’s not fair! I didn’t do it!” I pleaded. Cheshire stopped and looked down at me.

“Then, Alice, who did it?” Cheshire smiled evilly. “Come now. You have three chances.” Panic spread over my body. I didn’t know who did it. I couldn’t think.

“Um. . .The Queen did it herself!” Gasps filled the air behind me. Cheshire’s grin grew wider.

“Strike one! Try again.” Think, think. I thought so hard my brain felt like mush. Remember. . .white hair. . .pocket watch. . . I looked around at the animals in the stands and spotted the White Rabbit among them. I raised a finger at him.

“He did it. The murderer had a pocket watch. He was small and left a white hair behind when I came here. The Rabbit did it.” I looked at Cheshire and he slowly shook his head again.

“Strike two, Alice. My heart beat fast and loud in my chest.

“Off with her head! Murderer!” The queen stomped her feet.

“Wait, no! It wasn’t me. It was. . .” I looked all around the room. All the animals leaned in their seats to hear my answer. I stared a moment longer, thinking. I looked back at the podium and stared in Cheshire’s eyes. “You.”

“Off with her head! Off with her head!” The queen still ranted beside me, not listening. Cheshire’s grin grew even wider, impossibly wide. From the thin air around him, a gun appeared.

. . .

All the animals screeched and ran around the room in a frenzy, trying to get out. Guards surrounded the queen, pushing their way to the doors. But invisible chains kept me glued to my seat. Cheshire still stared at me, waving the gun.

“You see, Alice, irresponsibility can lead you into a danger as great as your mistake. Not only did you let yourself get trapped in this haze of your mind, but you got caught up as a witness to a great crime. And when you did, you saw nothing real. The poison to your brain allowed you to create a whole world that shields your eyes from reality. No, Alice, we are not actually here, but you are. And you will remain this way forever now. While you are here,” Cheshire pointed to his head with the gun, “Your actual body is out there, lifeless, in a coma you can say. And all because you discovered irresponsibility and continued to feed it into your head. You knew that you were taking the poison.”

“No, I didn’t know it was in my drink. I didn’t know---”

“You did know”, Cheshire pointed the gun at me. His voice was darker, deeper. “And you continued to take it anyway. Just because everyone else was and it was ‘cool’. And now you have taken too much. Still, I wonder how you yourself was still conscious enough to witness a murder and remember it. Of course, when I did it and you witnessed it, I had to end you, too. I tried to give you another dose, one more just to get you to break for good, but here you are, simply in a coma, only just on the verge of death. I’ve failed. But now I can finish it.”

“But why kill the Queen’s son? What did he do?”

“A simple cat like me, who is against the ways of such a kingdom had to get rid of his source of misery. Of course, the Queen herself was to hard to get to, but if I could ruin her precious heir, I’d be free. He didn’t really do anything to me but exist. And of course, there had to be someone else who ‘did it’, so why not the Rabbit who so dealt with that whole family for years?” I stared at Cheshire in horror. “See, Alice? Even that tale came from your teeny head.” He frowned then. “Oh, Alice, you were so close. I resisted the temptation to reveal myself. I tore myself apart, literally, trying to let you fall into this trap on your own. And I’ve succeeded! Goodbye, Alice.”

Paint the roses red with blood. . .

The familiar sound of a gunshot split the air. I jerked as a force knocked me backward. I felt dizzy. I looked at my chest. A hole was there. . . it blossomed with thick, red blood. Where did that come from? Everything was blurry. . . then there was only black. . .

. . .

Falling. . .falling. . .

. . .

I woke up. I felt nauseous, and my body ached. I tried to sit up, but my hands and waist were strapped to something. A bed. Where am I?

“She’s awake”, a woman said. I look up and see the back of a nurse in the doorway of the room, talking to someone. She then turns to look at me, and I see her toothy grin. . .

“Ah, you’re up. You’ve been out for a while. Now we’ve got to give you this”, a man said. A man in a white coat held up a needle with an odd colored liquid. He looked familiar. . .with those bloodshot eyes. . .

Panic greeted me once again, and I struggled against my restraints. I screamed and shook furiously. The nurse tried to hold me down while the doctor called out, “We need a sedative!” The nurse’s face melted, revealing that of the the queen’s. The doctor turned back to me and started to help the nurse, and his faced changed too.

“No! Stay away from me! Get away, Hatter!” The doctor looked at me in confusion. Another doctor then entered the room. My arms were tired, but I ignored their burning and continued my struggle.

“Now, this may hurt just a little bit”, the second doctor said. I looked up at him. He looked just like Cheshire. I screeched. “Now, now.” He pressed a needle into my arm. I quit kicking. I felt relaxed, sleepy. My eyes shut once more.

Must we start again, Alice?

. . .

Light burned my eyes when I woke up. . .