Ballroom Dancing

There was a time I would play music. I would close my eyes and picture just her and I. We would meet in this big fancy ballroom. Her on one side, and me on the other. We would be glancing over and catching each other's eye. Heartbeats pounding and stomach turning from emotions. Finally, we would meet in the middle and dance and fall in love of course.

If I really love her I should be happy that she's happy right? It's not that simple. She told him before how good she was at making everyone around her believe everything was perfect when it wasn't. Is this just one of those moments. Does she still feel for that peasant? He doubts it. The recent lack of communication only confirms it. It shouldn't be that much of a surprise. The past how many years they've only talked about their feelings for each other. Whenever he brought up that they should get together she always had an excuse. He had high hopes though. Maybe it was their conversations. The late nights of talking and sharing the deepest of secrets about each other. It didn't change how she said one thing but her actions said another. He was tormented by his own thoughts. Thoughts of him being a punchline of a joke or a charity case. Do they sit around and laugh at his emotions. Do they feel bad for this lonely peasant. Is he their entertainment.

People stare at this man because he's alone. He reads their questions on their faces. Even their concern as if they're thinking what kind of monster are you? The kind of monster that plays it off as if he doesn't have a heart. But he does. For some unknown reason he doesn't show it off. At least it was unknown. Now his heart is ill and filled with pain. He never felt so alone. He tried to change. It was supposed to get better but it's not even close. He will forever feel like a constant failure. He just wanted his family to be proud of him but he is a irresponsible immature pain in the ass. He should have stayed off on his own. At least everyone else could've been happier. They're there but he still feels alone. He sees the people. He looks at the pictures. He sees those moments in life that people cherish. It hurts knowing he'll never experience them. He'll never tear up seeing a beautiful bride standing across from him. He'll never be a new dad looking down at his baby for the first time. Never watch as his parents celebrate their grandchildren. He'll never have that father child bond. It's emotions that even aggressive, blood thirsty animals experience, and he won't. It's sobering to know that beasts are more human like than you are.

The fact that he wanted those experiences with her just adds to his misery. I told her I would pray for her and I did. I prayed for her to be happy because she wasn't. I prayed for her and her husband to grow closer because she felt distant. I should preference that with, I pray to God for so many things. The one thing I prayed to him about, that I didn't really want, was the one prayer he answered. Careful what you wish pray for. The girl you love might end up 2,500 miles away with someone else.

I feel like it was a long journey across the ballroom floor. When we finally reached each other she continued right passed me. If at that moment the dream would've vanished it would've been a blessing. Instead, I sat there forced to watch you dance happily ever after in someone else's arms.