Log 1: Really?

So it's official. The dead have risen. There are honest-to-God zombies shambling around the city, trying to eat people. Actually, though, it's kind of disappointing. I mean, granted, the walking dead are scary and all, but I thought the zombie apocalypse would be more. . .apocalyptic. Don't get me wrong. The undead are fairly dangerous. You wouldn't want to leave your kid near one. But you also wouldn't want to leave your kid near a coyote. Kind of the same principle.

As near as I can tell, the zombies are trying to eat my brain. True, they're gross-looking, and they don't smell so great, but also, they're slow. Like, really slow. Human corpses just aren't really meant to be moving again, it seems. It's the middle of winter, so they're all  kind of frozen stiff, and even when they thaw out a little, most of the time, rotted tendons and splintered bones hobble them pretty effectively. Even walking, it's easy to outrun them. And even when they corner me, it's really just a matter of a swipe or two with a baseball bat to knock 'em out of the way.

All the news reports say that you can't let one of them bite you, no matter what, but I'm not really sure why. I tripped a couple days ago, and one of them ended up gnawing on my jeans. It hurt a little, but I'm honestly not sure why everyone's so worried about it. Like, human teeth don't cut through denim. Or cotton. Or like, any material they make pants out of. So I don't wear shorts anymore. Big whoop.

Plus, the walking dead seem to get eaten more than they eat. Fresh zombies, the ones with plenty of meat left, are pretty much an all-you-can-eat buffet for anything that eats meat. Dogs, foxes, raccoons, hell, I've even seen rats gobbling them up. I mean, humans only made it to the top of the food chain 'cause we're smart. We make tools and stuff, which makes up for us being slow, and soft, and weak. A zombie is basically a human with all of our advantages stripped away from it, so why wouldn't animals have a field day with them?

So like, yeah. It's the zombie apocalypse. But Walmart's still open, so it can't really be that much of an apocalypse, can it?