Coulraphobia

Sitting on a bucket, head down, nearly asphyxiated, I pulled up my mask to get some fresh air. I took my smart phone out of my pocket to see if I had any new notifications.

Nope.

I slipped the phone back in my pocket and stared up at the moon, with the tips of corn husks filling my peripherals. I was sitting in a corn field, waiting for something exciting to happen. It was only 8pm and that early in the night there weren't many customers who came through the haunted corn maze, except a few families with small children who want the monsters to go easy on them and will let you know as they walk through the never ending twists and turns.

"Alright monsters, we're coming through! But we have a young one with us, so don't scare us too much!"

In these instances, I'd stand up off my bucket, pull my wicked facade back on, and stand at the corner waving creepily as I give off a ghoulish laugh.

Tears would start rolling down the kid's face, petrified by the clown now staring into his soul with perverted smiles and giggles.

"It's ok hunny, it's just waving at you. Let's just walk on by. Say bye to Mr. Clown!"

"Bye..." the children would always mumble, as tears roll down their eyes.

This happened a lot.

And this was my job every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday for the month of October 6 years ago: Dress up as a clown, sit in the middle of a corn field, and pop out every once in awhile when a customer walks through... plus anything else I think would be hilarious to do.

Have you heard of Coulrophobia? It's a fear of clowns and is a legitimate fear that many children and adults have. I always felt bad scaring the innocent kids, knowing that there's a good chance that I am the one who has scarred them for life. But, anyway, the exciting stuff happened later in the night when the high schoolers and college students came in with their friends.

One night, as I sat on my bucket, I heard some screams from the axe man's part of the field.

"That's my cue," I thought to my self and rose to meet the occasion, "Now the real work begins."

I pulled down my mask, hunched over, and metamorphosed into Smiley the Clown- your new best friend.

The patrons approached the corner of the maze I was at, though invisible to them I was.

It was a group of High School friends: three guys, two girls. As they approached the bend I slowly revealed my presence to them, blocking their path to freedom.

"Oh shit!" said the token black guy in their group. "I hate clowns!"

"Hee he he he... but I love you!" I squealed back at him.

He seriously darted back the opposite way and wouldn't come forward. His friends went back and tried to coax him into continuing. Then, one of the friends who stayed looked at me with fear and threw a piece of corn at my face!

"Okay, what the heck dude." I was back to my normal self now, "If you're going to start throwing corn at me, I'm going to kick you out of the maze."

He ran off and went back to console his friend with the lasting childhood clown issues.

I decided in the meantime to give them a rest and retreat back to my bucket to regain my evil senses. Besides, i needed to get my secret weapon...

When they returned, they slowly rounded the corner, looking every which way for the distorted humanoid creature.

After they made some distance, they thought they were probably safe. So, that's when I made my move. I hopped across to the other side of the walkway, tucked myself in between two rows of corn and sprinted straight ahead toward them. Though shielded from their sight by corn, they heard the leaves rustling and the footsteps beating fast, and without hesitation they started to scream and run away.

But I was faster.

Right as they were turning a corner, I jumped out in front of them, laughed terribly, and pulled out my secret weapon- the air horn.

"HOOOOOOOONK!!" It screeched through the chill night.

"AHHHHHH!!" They all squealed and sprinted past me. But as one girl ran by she slipped in some mud and fell to the floor. I took the opportunity I saw to stand over her and laugh my wicked laugh,

"HEEE HE HE HE HEEE!!"

Braced and screaming, she scrambled to her feet and ran off to find her friends who had abandoned her.

I walked back to my bucket. Took off my mask and couldn't help but laugh out loud. I was covered in sweat and totally out of breath. But that was so funny.

"Alright, scare number 1." I said to myself, "Let's do this again," and I put my mask back on as I heard the screams from the axe man coming once again.