Ladies just ain’t what they use to be anymore

You know that feeling when you're travelling and the strange land you're visiting is great, and the local cuisine is incredible and you don't have a care in the world? Do you also know the feeling of all that being spoiled by the fact that your body cannot adjust to the new environment and you simply cannot defecate? Well, my friend was like that all the time, even at home, every single day of her life. Imagine the horror of having to deal with chronic constipation, not being able to talk to anyone(or almost anyone) about it, out of embaressment, trying to juggle the many activities and responsibilities of a working, single mom when all the while you can't even poop.

After trying every product the pharmacy could possibly offer, every natural remedy, from plum juice to various combinations of foul-smelling herbs, after countless hours of meditation ,yoga, stress-relief techniques and transcendental mumbo-jumbo that did absolutely nothing for her stubborn colon, she came across an article about hypnosis and the wonderful things it can do for such conditions as her own.

The following 3 or 4 months she visited a therapist and practiced suggestion and hypnosis in the scope of relaxation and bowel-movement and it worked as a charm.

Her therapist and her chose a song (some prog-rock obscure song nobody ever heard about) and worked on establishing a mental connection between that tune and the urge to use the toilet.

Every morning,my friend took her Ipod to the bathroom, put on her noisy song, did her business and went about her day easy as a feather.It had gotten to the point that the first few beats of this song would automatically set her bowels in a dancing mood.

She was just telling me how wonderful it felt to be rid of this constant pain-in-the-you-know-what, while we were on the bus to work, when suddenly I saw her face cringe in utter panic, for you guessed it, the radio was on and the local DJ felt like boldly exploring new musical territory that faithful morning. How that DJ came to play a song so obscure I will never know, but I will also never forget the look on my friends face when she realized that the respectable lady that she was, was about to shit herself on the bus.

Of course, everybody in our vicinity smelled what was going on and knew who was the culprit, from the lovely shade of beet-purple-red my friend turned.

As we were leaving the bus, our heads bowed in shame and as I tried to snuffle the laughter that was trying to burst out of me, some gentleman behind us reached the verdict: "I'll tell you this, ladies ain't what they used to be anymore, man!"