Gone.

I am pretty good at surrounding myself with transitory people. Friendships that bloom quickly and overflow with beauty, laughter and comfort, only to stop short, fizzle and fade away. I still miss her, and love her and crave our former intimacy. I day dream about that year.

We were twelve years old and she had the longest blonde hair I had ever seen. We shared the same favorite boy band, and spent many nights pouring over our shared obsession. She was my closest confidant and pulled me out of my shell.

I have never laughed as much as I did that first summer. We would talk on the phone all day, waiting for our favorite music videos to play on MTV. They still played music back in the 90's. In the evenings one of us would finagle a ride and we would sit in the cool grass or a messy bedroom and talk about nothing and everything. We would summon ghosts at naive seances and drink caffeine by the two liter. Dissolved into giggles, we planned a life long friendship.

The next year something changed. We grew up into the space of early teenagehood where you always think you know who you are. Your identity changes week by week and you surround yourself with others who fit each new paradigm. Suddenly we were last year's school clothes. Sleeves too short and buttons gaping open. We just didn't fit. When we tried to squeeze ourselves back in, we were surrounded by unnerving silence. One day she was just gone.