"Are you even listening? I'm having an emotional crisis here."

"I have two reports and an essay due by the end of the week. I can't be bothered by your in real life noontime soap opera drama."

"Hey, hey loser, pay attention to me. You're supposed to be my wingman."

"How hard is it to just tell him you find his incredibly stuck-up face incredibly attractive?"

"Not as hard it is for you to write a solid essay, apparently - ow, ow, what the fuck, get off of me - that's my face!"

"My man...my dude...my one and only baefriend...I hereby pledge my support to you and your pursuit of a perfect love life."

"I'm touched beyond words, really."

"You could be in love with a goddamn Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle and I would still support your poorly misguided efforts to pursue a relationship. For clarity's purpose, though, I draw the line at Zootopia."

"What the fuck, get off my bed, I don't know you anymore."

"I thought you wanted my help as wingman?"

"That was like, a whole minute ago."

"And now?"

"And now I trust you about as far as I can throw you."

"Please, you can barely throw back a shot."

"That's the entire point."

"...stone cold, dude."