The Office Party

Sally Osbourne, Senior VP of Human Relations, was bored out of her skull. Edwards could talk when he wanted to, and he was really trying to put the standard congressional filibuster to shame today. Much as she hated to admit it, getting her yearly gyno exam  would be better than listening to him drone on. It wouldn’t be so bad if he would just take a breath every once in a while. Or allow her to handle it.

Music exploded from the office beyond. For all the world it sounded like that famous burlesque stripper song from the 20’s.  People cheered and clapped loudly. Someone else was two-fingered whistling - the type that was generally reserved for sporting events.

Edward’s pencil, a yellow number two, broke in his hands, “For the love of Pete— THIS is what I’m talking about. A blatant disregard for the policies this company — MY company — has put in place!”

Sally stood, disregarding Mr. Edwards. True, there were some violations — mostly folks coming in late, or someone nuking tuna in the small office kitchenette every day for the last week and a half. Her stomach lurched, but she pushed it down. Normally the office was a quiet place. Certainly not a strip club.

Edwards joined her as she turned the knob and they both peered out at the party-like atmosphere. The lights around the perimeter of the office were off, allowing only the center aisle to be illuminated. Desks were shoved by the walls and chairs moved out of the way. All the people were circled widely around a central figure.

Edwards sputtered, his face turning an unhealthy shade of fuchsia. Pushing through the crowd, Edwards came face to face with his greatest fear: a male stripper. Here, in his office. It didn’t help that the man was clad in only short cut-offs, blue suspenders, and a bright yellow hard hat.

Sally ducked around Edwards noting the furrowed chasms etched into his forehead. She could almost read his mind - sexual harassment claims could quickly turn into lawsuits. Much as the stripper was probably there for someone’s birthday and she personally didn’t have a problem with it, she did have to watch out for the comfortable nature of the office. Maybe she could move the display over to a conference room.

She spoke over the music, “I’m sorry, everyone, but…” Her voice caught in her throat as she got a good look at the stripper. “…Jim…?”. She had to restrain herself from shouting. This was the last thing she needed given the mood Edwards was in.

“What are you doing here?”, she asked, barely restraining her anger. Then she saw his get-up, “What are you doing??”

Jim Heisman grinned like a toothpaste ad. “You know you’ve always asked me about that job I had in college that I never talk about, right?”

“Yes,” she said tapping a finger against crossed arms.

“Well, if we’re gonna to get married, then I thought I should let you know all of my deep, dark secrets.”

“All of your…wait, what?”

“My deep, dark secrets.” He teased.

“No, no, no…the other thing you said. Say it again.”

Jim took off his hat and knelt before her, his face all seriousness now, “Complete me?”

He opened the box and there, glittering under the fluorescent lights, was the prettiest little diamond she had ever seen. He held her hand gently as he slipped the ring on.  She gazed at it in wonder.

There was only one thing left to say, “Yes!”