they’ll never understand

they'll never understand

that my heart rate can go up to 120 bpm 

without even lifting a finger

that i'm always shaking, sitting up straight

feeling as if the strings that hold me will all break

all the ties i've made, all the friends i've tried to keep,

will leave me and I'll be alone alone alone

just me and my words

they'll never understand

that even though breathing is a natural instinctive thing,

sometimes i forget how to

and my lungs implode 

and i feel like i'm going to collapse, right here and right now

they'll never understand

that this can come from anything, anywhere

it's not because of my situation at home

i don't have ptsd

they'll never understand

that my thoughts spill out so fast that sometimes

i have no idea what is happening around me

and i shut it all out, and i can, and i will

if need be